Evil Leaper
by Anonymous-cat
Summary: She's from the future. She can assume any form. And she's evil. Or is she? This is Alia's tale.
1. Chapter 1 Memories

A/N- The Evil Leaper is sort of a mystery, isn't she? We know she's from the future, has a hologram named Zoey, and an AI named Lothos. But how did she end up in the time travel experiment, and what happened to her after 'Revenge'? The show doesn't answer these questions. But I've been wanting to try for a long time now. So here goes!

Disclaimer- I don't own Alia or any of the other characters from the TV show Quantum Leap. I also do not own much of the future dialogue. It all belongs to Belisarius Productions and Don Belisario.

-Also, I do not own the book Alia describes in this chapter. It is called Uptime, Downtime, and was written by John Peel.

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Chapter 1- Memories 

"If you want to get seriously weird about it, doesn't the past become now when you're in the process of remembering it?" –From Knights of the Morningstar, written by Melanie Rawn

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Memories. That's all I have, now. Memories. My own life, back when I had a life. And bits and pieces of other lives. When I'm waiting for a new assignment, that's all they leave me with.

My memory isn't the most reliable one, especially when I'm on assignment. Usually, a lot of my own life is missing. At best there are gaps in what I remember. A friend of mine once said that our memories are like Swiss cheese, with holes where knowledge should be. I agree with him.

But when I'm not on assignment, I can remember everything. I learned to escape into the past; it helps to deal with the pain of the present. Even if the memory isn't one I especially want to relive, at least it's mine…

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"Alia, girl, get in here! Clean up this mess!"

I sighed, shutting my book closed. Dad had been like this ever since four years ago, when he lost his job. He was clumsy when he drunk, and he expected me to clean up after him. If I didn't, there were consequences. So I always obeyed.

Oh, it wasn't like he'd hit me. He only did that a few times, until Mom threatened to divorce. But when he yelled at me I just couldn't bear it. I knew the term for it- verbal abuse. But I didn't like to think of it. Besides, as soon as I finished cleaning up, I could get back to my book.

I loved to read. I started reading soon after Dad started drinking, to escape. I'd just lie on my bed and read all day, and never have to bother with Dad. That is, unless he wanted me to clean things up for him, like today, or if he was especially drunk. Then I couldn't get out of his way no matter what I did.

Reading wasn't just a means of escape, though. I actually enjoyed it. I liked science fiction and fantasy the best, but I read anything I could get my hands on. Just to get away from Dad. I was especially interested in time travel.

I read a book once about five orphaned kids who could travel through time just by thinking about it, because they had no ties to a home. They made a home with each other, in the time of the pioneers, and supported each other. That is, until two of the children realized that they had foster parents who loved them and who would take the other abandoned kids in. They ended up living together in one big happy family. A happy ending. Life isn't full of happy endings. Not like books. Maybe that's why I enjoyed them so much.

I trudged out into the living room, where Dad was waiting.

"Cup flew. Out of my hand. Clean it up," he ordered, pointing to the glass on the ground.

As I rummaged in the closet for the broom, I wondered why Mom hadn't thought to buy plastic glasses from now on. Maybe it hadn't crossed her mind. After all, she had been busy at work. When Dad couldn't get another job, Mom ended up working overtime. I hardly ever saw her anymore.

When the glass was safely in the garbage, I turned in relief. Now I could escape.

Or not.

"Pour meh anudder drink," Dad slurred, collapsing into his lounge chair.

I turned quickly around and hurried to do as he asked. The bottle was half empty, and I had the sickening feeling that he'd opened it just this morning. Maybe, if I hurried, he'd forget about me. I hoped.

I poured the drink into a plastic cup this time, so he couldn't break it by throwing it on the floor. But when I handed it to him, he stared at it, eyes swimming and said, "Thus usn'ta glauss." His voice rose. "Yur so stupid ya dun't know whata glauss is?" He shouted.

I backed away slowly, before the full assault began.

"Yar worthless! I alus told yur mother yeh was worthless!"

Unable to take it anymore, I turned and fled.

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'As Sara walked home, with her box tucked under her arm, she looked up at the stars and thought she saw a white bird flying. But maybe it was only a dream.'

I threw my pencil down on the table, satisfied with the ending lines of my book. Perfect.

Taking another piece of paper from my pile, I wrote, **Time Fluke, by Alia Heaton, 10 years old. **The title of my book, my name, and age.

I was going to enter it in a Young Author's contest, and I was sure I would win something. My book was great! And when Mom and Dad saw the award I got, they would be so proud. I desperately wanted that.

I'd wanted to be an author ever since I could read. Authors helped you escape to places- wonderful places! And that was what I wanted to do.

I paper-clipped the pages of my book together, and shoved it underneath the mattress. I hadn't told Mom and Dad about this yet, because I wanted it to be a surprise. And, deep inside, I was afraid maybe I wouldn't win. If I didn't, I didn't want my parents to be disappointed in me. I could be disappointed enough for myself.

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That was a happy memory. I remember being proud and confident in myself. Unfortunately, Dad spoiled it later. Or maybe Mom did, by allowing him to find my story. I'm not sure who to blame, anymore.

Mom did some house cleaning, and changed the sheets. She left my story on my dresser. And Dad, the snoop, found it.

I didn't know until later that evening, when Dad and some drinking buddies were sitting in the living room. Dad had wandered out there with my papers after he found it, and noticed it again when he spilled a bit of his drink on it. He picked it up and began reading it aloud.

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I tried to stay in my room and concentrate on my book, but it was so hard! Dad had invited some friends over, and they were being awfully loud in the living room. Finally I tiptoed out there to see what they were talking about.

I heard Dad say, "The burd wes white ull uver, 'cept fer th' crest un 'ts head, whuch was golden." That was when my world stopped turning. He was reading my book!

I stood there, listening in mute horror as Dad destroyed it, word by word, page by page. I couldn't go out there and stop him. I just couldn't.

When he finally finished with me book, he tossed it over his head and exclaimed, "Wut a wunnerful writer ma daughter is!" The men in the living room cracked up once more, as I turned, sobbing, from the room. Daddy wasn't proud of me at all.

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That ended my career as a writer. I never told Mom, who had still been at work during the episode. I don't think Dad had noticed I was in the room at all.


	2. Chapter 2 Time Travel

A/N- So far, so good. Things should start picking up in the next few chapters. Same disclaimer applies!

Korean Pearl- Thanks for reviewing, even though you've never seen the show. I really appreciate it, and I hope, if you continue to read, that you won't be too confused!

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Chapter 2- Time Travel 

_She is yearning _

_For shelter and affection _

_That she never found at home. _

_She is searching, for a hero to ride in, _

_To ride in and save the day. _

_And in walks her Prince Charming, and he knows just what to say. _

_Momentary lapse of reason, and she gives herself away._

–Does Anybody Hear Her, by Casting Crowns

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My life wasn't anything special, before Leaping. My mother divorced my father when she couldn't take him any more, and I moved away to live with her. I went to high school, but was depressed the entire time. I was emotionally unstable, but refused to see a shrink because of what other people might say about me. I smoked, at first just to fit in, then because I became addicted.

My mother tried to talk with me, to see if we could fix what had gone wrong, but I refused to open up to her. She had never been there for me with Dad, why should she care now? We fought. There was an argument almost every night, most of them ending with us in tears. But always in separate rooms.

I kept everything I was feeling bundled up inside me. I had no purpose to live, but was too afraid of death to become suicidal. So I existed. Miserably.

I went to college. I didn't study, what was the point? I went to parties, but got no satisfaction from them.

Everything changed when I met a boy. His name was Derek, and he said he loved me. He told me he loved me, that I was the most beautiful person on earth, and that he wouldn't leave me for the world. He made me feel so special. I wanted to shout to the world, "See? Someone loves me! I'm not a waste, not a mistake!" And I thought I loved him back. That we'd get married. So when he came on hard and suggestively, I didn't hesitate. We made love.

The week after, he dumped me.

That was when I lost it. It was like my father had come and slapped me in the face, saying he was right and I would never be worth anything. That I was foolish and stupid and weak. That no one had loved me, and no one ever would. And even I turned on myself, saying that I was a fool, and why couldn't I see that all he wanted was my body? I lay in my dorm room and sobbed for an hour.

I don't know what I would have done if my roommate hadn't been there. Her name was Renee, and she had some sort of religion, I think. When she walked through the door and saw me crying, she didn't hesitate and walk away as I would have done. Instead, she closed the door, came over and held me. "Shhhh, its okay, Allie, everything's fine. You're okay."

I broke down and told her, in a halting voice, what had happened. And then the rest poured out, about my dad, my childhood, everything. And Renee listened. She was the one good friend I ever had. When I was done crying, and had recovered, I said a short, "Thanks," and left, embarrassed. But I think she understood.

Later, we talked some more. We became better friends. Renee was kind, and encouraged me. She made me feel that I was worth talking to, spending time with, and this time I knew the relationship wasn't fake. Renee really _cared_.

Spending time with her helped me. I knew I had to get my life back on track and improve my grades. Maybe, I even thought, I can still become an author. Maybe dreams can come true. So I studied harder, and took classes in English and literature. And when college was over, I was ready to write.

Renee, meanwhile, became a scientist. We were still fresh out of school when she invited me to a science exhibition. It was to raise awareness about a new project, apparently, and receive funding. Because I was sure I wanted to be a science fiction author, and still needed ideas for a book to get me out of my job at the library, I went with her. I figured maybe these brilliant scientists could inspire me.

I was enthralled when I found out what the exhibition was about, though. Time travel. Apparently someone come up with an amazingly advanced computer and a machine that would allow him to do it, within his lifetime at least. And Renee was going to be involved in the project, to some extent.

I was so envious. That had been one of my child-hood wishes, to travel in time. And I wanted to be involved as well, even if I couldn't actually do the traveling. I wanted to be there when time travel finally happened.

Stupid, really. If I hadn't become obsessed with it, if I'd let it go and pursued a career as a writer or even a librarian, I wouldn't be in the Hell I live in now. But I was young and foolish. I wanted to experience something more.

So I applied for a job with the project, forgetting about my writing dreams. I figured maybe I could document the journeys taken, or the attempts to make the machine work. At the very least I could be a secretary. Renee pulled a few strings, and I was called in for an interview.

But it appeared that they didn't need me. I wasn't intelligent enough, I wasn't a brilliant scientist. And they didn't need any more secretaries.

I walked out of the interview building, trying to keep from crying. I was disappointed, and even angry, that they had barely considered taking me on. And once again, my self-esteem suffered. "You'll never be worth anything! You'll never do anything important," My father's words echoed back at me. I backed away into an ally, and then I really did cry.

That was when the older woman in the business suit walked by. She paused, and looked closer at me. Then she walked right up to me.

"Dear, what's wrong?"

I wiped my eyes. "Nothing. Its…its nothing."

"Come now. No one reacts that way over nothing," the woman said, smiling encouragingly. Thinking that I had found another Renee, I decided to tell her.

"I…I wanted a job. With this project. They…" I paused, knowing that she probably wouldn't believe me and think I was crazy.

"Go on," she said, still smiling.

"They say they've figured out how to travel through time. But they turned me down." Stupid, Alia, very stupid. How I wish I'd never said that.

A light gleamed in her eyes. "You're interested in time travel, then?"

"Yes. Very much."

She studied me, up and down, frowning a bit. Then she smiled again, and said, "I believe I know just the job for you."

I was surprised. "Really?"

She nodded. "Project Quantum Leap isn't the only one of its kind, you know. And our project happens to be even more advanced."

"You…you're working on time travel, too?" I was astonished. Maybe I had some luck after all, I thought. Or maybe its all a scam, part of my mind whispered. But I shoved it away. I wanted to believe this woman.

"Yes, dear. We are. And we could use a nice girl like you."

"But I'm…I'm not a scientist. I don't really know anything about time travel. I…that's why they rejected me." I was afraid that once I revealed this, the woman would walk away, disgusted. Why had I applied for this job anyway? But she didn't.

She smiled even wider. "That doesn't matter. We can use you anyway."

My heart leaped. Shove that in the stupid Project's face! I was useful. And this new project had recognized that, and I would be a part of something important. _I _could be important.

Grinning for the first time after leaving the building, I asked, "Who are you?"

She held out her hand. "Zoey, dear. I'm Zoey."


	3. Chapter 3 Preparations

A/N- Not the best chapter, but I hope you like it anyway! Same disclaimer applies.

Korean Pearl- Once again, I have to thank you for reviewing. And yes, if you had watched the show you would know who Zoey is, but it shouldn't matter much. I included all the episodes with Alia in them in this fic, only it's from Alia's point of view. You shouldn't be reading too many references that leave you confused.

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_Who can say where the road goes,_

_where the day flows, only time._

-Only Time, by Enya

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Chapter 3- Preparations

Zoey took me to a coffee shop, where we could talk some more. Over Cappuccinos we discussed time travel. Absurd, isn't it? And yet it was possible.

"Our Project has been looking for someone with your spunk and interest in the topic for quite some time now," Zoey said.

I wondered why she saw me as spunky. I certainly hadn't acted that way this afternoon. Still, it was supposed to be a compliment. "What kind of a job would I be doing?" I asked.

Zoey wagged her finger in my face. "Oh no, can't tell you yet. I must get the approval of our project director first. But it's quite an exciting job. I'm sure that you'll be up to it."

Wondering why she couldn't tell me anymore about this exciting job, I asked, "But how am I supposed to consider taking the job if I don't know what it is?"

She leaned forward. "You don't consider _us_; we consider _you_. If the director approves, we'll contact you and arrange a meeting. Then you can decide if you want the job or not." She stood up, placed some money on the table, and turned to go. "Have a nice day, darling."

I stood up too. "How can I contact you?" But the woman had already disappeared.

I spent the next week waiting for a call, hoping Zoey would say that the project director had approved and would call me in for an interview. But no contact was made, and I began to fear that I had been rejected again. I wasn't approved of, and Zoey had simply disappeared.

It was a month until I finally saw her again, and by then I had given up hope on being hired by them. I was starting to work on a book again. I decided that perhaps she had been a scam artist, or someone who wanted to cheer me up, even if it meant doing it with lies. That was fine. I could move one.

So I was totally unprepared when I opened up my apartment door and saw the lady in the black dress. I didn't even recognize her until she spoke.

"Alia, darling, I have good news! You've been accepted."

My heart pounded. "I…I have?"

"Yes, dear. We must leave at once."

"But I haven't had any time to prepare!"

"You don't need any. Lothos has approved, and we need to get going."

"Who is Lothos?" I asked, puzzled.

Zoey pursed her lips. "Our project director. Now, are you ready?"

I glanced around the apartment. I wasn't ready at all. I hadn't even known she was coming! But I thought if I didn't go now, I'd never get another chance.

"I'm not packed," I said uncertainly.

"Just throw some things together for a week or so," Zoey instructed. "It will take that long to see if you're qualified."

I wasn't sure if I was ready to trust her just yet, but if I didn't go now… "It'll only take a few minutes," I told her. Ten minutes later, I was ready to go.

Zoey led me outside into a waiting limo. Once in the car, the windows darkened so that I couldn't see out. I peered around nervously.

"Is this really all necessary?"

"Oh, yes," said Zoey. "You do understand that this project is quite top secret- on the way you'll have to sign some forms to get security clearances." She handed me a stack of paper. "You'd best get to work."

Like a fool, I signed everything in the contract after barely skimming it. I was too jittery to stop and read everything, I could hardly believe we were on our way to a top-secret project, and my thoughts whirled round and round. Zoey noticed my discomfort.

"Here, darling," she said sympathetically, handing me a tablet. "It eases the nerves."

It certainly did that. Only minutes after I had swallowed it, I realized I was no longer nervous. In fact, I was actually quite tired. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to take a little nap on the way there…

Zoey shook me awake soon after the car had parked in a large garage.

"Where are we?" I mumbled drowsily.

"It doesn't matter," said Zoey. "We've a room made up for you now. You can get some rest, and we'll start the evaluation tomorrow."

Leaving the car, we walked through a door in the garage into a maze of hallways, Zoey lead me down a staircase and around many corridors before we finally reached my room. I didn't notice much of the details as I stumbled in, but it seemed spartan, with only a bed and a little table inside. I didn't even notice the strange way the door swooshed shut, all I could think was _Tomorrow, tomorrow it all starts. I'll finally make something of myself._

Early the next morning, the alarm blared in my ear. I sat up, wondering where I was. This wasn't my room. Then Zoey walked gaily in the door, and I remembered.

"What time is it?" I asked, getting out of bed.

"Late," Zoey clucked. We've got to start as soon as possible. Here, put your clothes on."

I caught the pile of clothing she threw at me in confusion. "But these aren't mine!"

"Ah, well, these are what you'll have to wear for the tests."

"Tests? Didn't I come for an interview, to be a secretary?"

She laughed aloud, the first time I'd ever heard her do that. "A secretary? Is that what you thought? Oh, no, darling. We've got something much more… unique… planned for you."

I frowned. "What sort of a job do you want me to do?"

"Oh, can't tell you yet. Unless you've passed the tests, there's no point in telling," she giggled. "Now put your things on. Someone will be in with your breakfast in a minute." And just like that, she was gone.

I noticed that the door was unusual. Instead of opening and closing like regular doors, it sucked itself up into the ceiling when opening, and came down to close. _How odd,_ I thought, _but then it's probably state-of-the-art, or something_.

Forgetting about the door, I concentrated on my outfit. It seemed to be some sort of running suit. When at last I had it on, the door swooshed open again. A woman was there, holding out a tray of food.

"Breakfast, Miss Alia," she said, handing it to me.

"Uh, thanks," was all I could think of to say. The door whooshed shut again, and I finished my breakfast anxiously. What kind of tests would I have to pass to get the job? And another thought, deep inside me, wondered if all this was really worth it. What had I gotten myself into?

But there was no time for that. Zoey appeared minutes later and walked me to a huge underground gym. "All right, sweet-cheeks," she said, "lets see how hot you really are. Start jogging around the track. When you reach this spot again, one of my assistants will measure your heart rate and blood-pressure."

When I just stood there unbelieving, she glared at me. "What are you waiting for? Go, go!"

I took off.

The next week was a blur. It was full of medical exams and endurance tests. For some reason, to get this job I had to be physically fit. But why? I grew uneasy with the whole thing as the days passed. No one, least of all Zoey, would tell me what was going on. What did any of this have to do with time travel?

Besides the physical tests, they tested me mentally as well. But all the mental exams seemed to be about drama. Apparently, I also had to be a good actress as well. At first they would hand me a script and I would have to act right off the bat. I didn't do so badly at first, having taking some junior high drama classes. Then they stopped giving me a script altogether. Instead, I would receive statistics on a certain person, and after five minutes of studying them I would have to act as that person would in a given situation. But they never told me why I would need this skill.

After a week, I was fed up. When Zoey entered my room, I was already dressed and standing.

"Zoey," I demanded, "will you please tell me what the heck is going on here?"

She looked startled. "What do you mean, dear?"

"All these tests, that's what I mean! What kind of a place is this? What sort of a job am I applying for anyway?"

"I'm not at liberty to say," Zoey answered.

"You're not at liberty to say?" I fumed. "Well, fine! I quit. This is altogether too strange for me."

She frowned at me. "Leaving so soon? After I had just come to tell you that you got the job?"

That stopped me dead in my tracks. "What did you say?" I asked, unbelieving.

"You've got the job."

I turned around and stared at her. "Zoey, I don't even know what kind of a job I've applied for, and after this week, I'm not sure if I want it anymore. No, I don't want it anymore. I'm leaving."

Then Zoey did something that frightened me. She grabbed me sharply by the wrist and dragged me close to her. "Oh, no, Alia. You aren't leaving. You're in much to deep for that, now."

I looked at her, wide-eyed and stunned. For the very first time, Zoey deeply frightened me. "What do you mean?" I asked cautiously.

"I mean," she hissed, "that you are going to meet Lothos right now. You asked for this job, well, now you've got it. So no complaining." And without any further words, she dragged me down the hallway. My heart pounded in my ears.

We stopped only once, next to a high-security door. Zoey swiped her card, and the door opened, allowing us into the room. It held a few hi-tech looking instruments and a closet full of plain, white suits.

"Put this on," Zoey instructed, handing me one of them.

I glared at her. "No."

She shoved me against the wall at that word. "Put it on, or Lothos will not be pleased." She smiled, grimly. "And you don't want to displease Lothos."

I don't know what it was about her words that made me give it. Was it the threat, or maybe the grin? I can't remember. The important thing is, I put it on. Afterwards, we started off again.

We walked down the whitewashed hall, until we reached a metal door. This opened up into a huge cavern. Red lights splashed off blinking control panels and a strange metallic chamber. I stared, but there was no time for gaping. Zoey pulled me though a side door to what could have been an office. Certainly, there was a desk, but no chair for an occupant to sit at. The room was lowly lit with red light, like the cavern we had just left. And the entire back wall was covered with a giant computer. But there was no one in the office.

I turned to look at Zoey. "What…" I was still confused.

"Shhhh." Zoey stood still, head bowed.

I was confused. Then I heard a whirring noise, coming from the machinery at the far wall. A panel opened up, and a metal chair with wires running all over it extended to the desk. It rotated around to reveal the most evil, most monstrous person I have ever encountered. He even outdid my father. Lothos.

I stared. Once upon a time this had been a person. But no longer. You could see snatches of human flesh among the mechanical parts, designed for life support or something worse. The head was almost fully human, although the eyes were robot's eyes- man-made visual sensors. Metal crisscrossed over the skull. Below the neck was a steel plate, supposedly to protect important chest organs. One arm and both legs were completely mechanical. The left arm was the only part of the body that appeared to be completely human, with no robotically manufactured parts within it. A virtual Frankenstein. The monstrosity peeled back his lips in a gruesome smile.

**Hello, Alia.**

His voice was synthesized, not a real voice at all. There were speakers throughout the room, so his voice came from everywhere around you. I have had quite a few nightmares about that voice.


	4. Chapter 4 More Machine Than Man

A/N-Short chapter, I know, but they will get longer!

Korean Pearl- No, actually- I never even saw the Island. And yes, this is a time-travel story… I'm glad you're continuing to review!

TesubCalle- Thanks for reviewing! And yes, I will continue- the entire story is finished, in fact. I'm just updating it every few days. I'm glad you like it!

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Chapter 4- More Machine Than Man

_"An exo-brain. A from of artificially enhanced intelligence….You'd have the sweep of human intelligence combined with the computation speed of the computer."_ –From Mind Catcher, a novel by John Darnton

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Before Zoey had dragged me off to this office, I had been trying to tell her I would not take the job. There was something strange about the entire procedure. Even Zoey made me uneasy. But that was before I saw Lothos.

I now knew they weren't ever planning on letting me go.

My eyes were wide with fright. A human robot? A human, his body parts replaced with robotic limbs and systems? It was unimaginable. Impossible. Unbidden, a line from the Star Wars movies ran through my head._ He's more machine than man, now_. But I would have preferred an encounter with Darth Vader to this.

I should have screamed. I should have fought. But it wouldn't have done me any good.

I found my voice. "What do you want from me?"

**Only your service.**

"My…service."

**Yes.** Then, **Zoey tells me you wish to travel in time.**

"Yes. I do," I said, adding silently,_ But not for you. Not for people like this._

**I am here to grant your wish. You will travel through time, in a process called Leaping. You will do as I say, what Zoey tells you to do, and you will Leap out. Or you will suffer.**

Suffer? No! I couldn't go along with this. I didn't understand what was happening, and I didn't want to understand. I just wanted out get out of there.

"No," I said. "I can't…you can't do this. I don't accept. I won't work for you!"

No sooner were the words out of my mouth than the pain hit me. Pure, raw, mental pain. Just a touch. And then it was gone. But it left me sobbing on the floor.

**You will do as I say, Alia. Or you will suffer.**

I cried. "No! You can't do this!"

More pain. Not full force, not yet. But more than I had ever experienced before. Through the agony in my mind I heard Lothos saying, **Obey, Alia. Obey and it will stop.**

I screamed. Anything to make the pain stop. "I'll do it," I sobbed. "Just make the pain go away. Please!"

It left. And in it's place came a sense of well-being. Joy. Happy emotions that I had no right to be feeling. **You see, Alia? As well as giving pain, I can give joy. Obey, and you will receive more happiness than you ever had in you life. Disobey, and…** The pain returned. But only for a second.

I stood, shaking, sweating, trembling. "What do you want from me?" I asked again.

**Obedience.** Then, **Take her to the Accelerator. She will learn better with experience.**

And so the Hell began.

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Zoey grabbed my arm and forced me down the hallway. I struggled, but she said, "If you do not obey, the pain will come back. Be still!" I stopped resisting. She dragged me into the chamber that had weird red glowing lights. I shook, but was too terrified to do much of anything.

A door flew open. Not like regular doors, this one was like something out of a space ship, sucking into the doorframe above it with a whooshing sound. It was only part of the strangeness. The room was filled with people at computer stations; pushing at buttons I could only guess the meanings of. Zoey pushed me through another one of the advanced doors. Inside was a circular chamber, also lit red. She dragged me to the center and said, "Now, stand still. Don't move, don't even breathe. Or something may go wrong, and you will die. So do not move." She exited the chamber and the door shut with a sickening thud.

I stared, shaking. Was this some sort of a government conspiracy? What did they want me for? How could they control my emotions? But most importantly, what were they doing to me now?

You're a test subject. This is some sort of crazy, illegal science experiment, and you're the guinea pig. They're going to electrocute you or something equally horrible.

All the horror scenes from the books I had enjoyed flooded back to me with despair. I was going to die underground, away from anyone who cared about me. _And who would care about you, Alia? What is the use of living?_

Renee cares for me, I cried desperately.

No she doesn't. She couldn't get you the job of your dreams. And where is she now, when you are in danger? She's sitting at home, or working at her wonderful job. She doesn't care about you.

I couldn't argue with myself anymore. There wasn't time. The chamber began to glow brighter, and a weird red smoke drifted up from the floor. I panicked, but was way too afraid to move. I stood there, as the air pressure rose and a humming noise grew louder. The world spun around me, and as happens when you spin the pressure lifted my arms up above my head. Then I lost my vision.

I was voiceless, bodiless, spinning in a world or red terror. It felt as if Lothos was surrounding me, drawing me into him, or him into me, and I screamed, but no sound came out. The red enveloped me, and I knew no more.


	5. Chapter 5 Five Minutes in the Life

A/N- Slightly longer this time- hope you like it!

Korean Pearl- Well, here's the next chapter, which tells where she went. Thanks for reviewing!

TesubCalle- Thank you! I'm glad I can make you empathize with Alia. And yes, she was 'forced'- but she still made the choice to obey evil. Even if the alternative wasn't so great, she still had a choice.

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Chapter 5- Five Minutes in the Life…

_Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? _

_Why is my reflection someone I don't know?_

–From Reflection, a song in Disney's Mulan.

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I woke. Not to a sterile, spartan room, but to a regular bedroom. Where had that come from? Why was the sensation of waking up in a strange place familiar to me, and terrifying all at once? I tried to remember, desperately tried to recall some part of me, but could barely grasp faint memories. Terms, words, objects I knew. But memories escaped me. Amnesia? Did I have amnesia?

I stood, wearing a nightdress that was unfamiliar to me. Then I noticed there was someone else in the room, an Asian woman who was staring at me. I stared back. No one spoke. I wondered who she was, what she was doing here, but since I didn't even know who I was, how could I be expected to know her?

I raised me arm to my head, having a sudden headache, and she did the same. I raised my other hand, and she did too- why was she copying me? Then I realized she wasn't copying me. She _was_ me, my reflection in the mirror.

I stared. I didn't remember much but I knew that I was not Asian. So why did I look like that?

I reached my hand up to pull down my hair, and got a shock when I saw it was brown- not black like the girl in the mirror's. How could I be Asian and Caucasian at once? What was happening?

I didn't scream. Instead, I sat down hard on the bed to think about this and try once more to regain my memory. I remembered a redness, and terror, but nothing else. What had happened to me?

Then something even more startling than the mirror image happened. I heard a whooshing noise, and a woman appeared. Out of thin air. She looked strangely familiar, but I couldn't stick a name or a memory on her.

That was when I screamed.

"Shhhh! Be quiet, or someone will come in here!" the woman hissed.

She then began punching buttons on a calculator, or what looked like a calculator, except it made strange noises. Then she began talking to the calculator.

"Lothos? Leap was a success, but leaper's memory is not intact." She paused. "Oh, that was smart," She said approvingly. "Good thinking. She can't panic if she remembers nothing."

I interrupted. "Who are you? What are you doing here?"

She shot a look toward me. "If the retrieval program doesn't work, it won't matter what you think." Then she turned back to the calculator. "Yes. Ready for retrieval. Let's hope this works," she muttered under her breath. She punched a few more buttons on the calculator, and vanished.

I didn't scream, just shook. Was I insane? This wasn't real. It couldn't be real. Then the room faded from my sight, and I was once again bodiless.

-------------------------------------------

My memory returned, as the red enveloped me. For one minute, I was still confused. Then I remembered- I had been in a chamber, then in a different body, and now I was in this redness again. Hadn't someone said something about time travel? Yes! I had done it! I had traveled in time, fulfilled my childhood dreams. For a minute it seemed as if I was exceptionally lucky, until I remembered. I was a prisoner. I had been mentally tortured. For a minute I dared to hope that maybe I would be let go now- the experiment had been successful, and they didn't need me anymore.

I thought my hopes were confirmed when I found myself in the chamber again, with the door open, and a smiling Zoey waiting for me.

"You did it, sweet-cheeks! You traveled in time."

Everyone in the control room looked over at me with new interest, then began frantically typing on their computers.

I allowed myself some relieved feelings for one moment. "I did, didn't I?" I wondered. Then I remembered my previous experiences. "What is going on?" I demanded.

Zoey, still friendly, took my hand more gently now. "Come along. I'll explain it privately."

We walked back to the room I had awoken in. She sat down on a couch across the room from my bed, and I heard the door locked. I was trapped once again.

"What are you doing with me?" I asked.

She frowned. "Aren't you grateful? We made your dream come true, Alia. And you helped us as well."

"I didn't ask you to make my dream come true," I said sharply. "I didn't ask to be dragged off to the unknown, thrust back in time, as an experiment. You never had my interests in mind when you sent me into the chamber. I could have died. Now tell me- what is going on?"

Zoey sighed. "You'd better learn not to talk that way. Lothos doesn't like complainers."

A chill seeped through my heart. "And you never explained to me about Lothos either. What is he? How did he control my emotions?"

"There are some things you cannot know yet. For now, I will tell you what you do need to know. Will you listen?"

I calmed down and sat on the bed. "Yes."

"You have become a very important part of our time travel experiment. Lothos has been working on it for ages. It involves Leaping in time- except you can't Leap as yourself, you must appear in time as another. This is why your reflection was different- anyone in that time would see you as the person you Leaped into.

"We had perfected the process of leaping back in time, down to the point that Lothos could direct the leaper into a certain person at a certain second, but were never able to recall the person back to the project. You are the first success. Lothos believes it is because you were meant to be our Leaper- you have the talent. He is sure of it."

"Wait a minute. I'm the first success? What happened to the others- the ones who couldn't be retrieved?"

Zoey shrugged. "They were lost."

"Lost?"

"They didn't survive."

My heart lurched. "You thrust me into that thing not caring if I lived or died?"

"You survived."

"But I might not have!"

She shrugged again. "Then we would have found a new leaper."

I turned away from her and her heartlessness. No one here cared about me. I had been a guinea pig for this experiment, and once again I didn't matter. I would be held here, forced to travel in time for them, until they were tired of me. I collapsed on the covers of my bed, utterly drained of emotion. Zoey quietly left the room.


	6. Chapter 6 The Evil Leaper

A/N- Sort of a filler- Alia finds out about the real purpose of the project.

Korean Pearl- Hey, I'm glad I made you want to watch the show! However, you should know that Quantum Leap is not about Alia. The main character is totally different from her, and she only appears in three episodes. And from those three episodes, we gain very little information about her, and have no idea what happened to her afterwards. Which is why I decided to write this fic.

If you still want to see the show, (because it's great, even though Alia is only a minor character) it's on the Sci-fi channel at 11:00 pm.

Sorry about that, you got me ranting. :-) Thanks for reviewing!

Oh, and by the way, I'm taking Spanish this year and noticed something- nadar is a Spanish word meaning: to swim. ? Is there any meaning to this?

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Chapter 6- The Evil Leaper

_"If well meaning blunderers or the curious who do not understand what great affects can come from small causes- if such persons of goodwill may turn the world toward ill, than think what evils may come if others visit the past to turn events so that they may win riches or power."_ –From Me, Myself, and I, written by Jane Louise Curry

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I began to understand how things worked at the Project. Zoey had appeared to me in a hologram, that only I could see, because of something about brain-cells. Sometime during the night, I had undergone surgery in which they had removed a sample of my brain cells and implanted a chip in my brain that controlled how much of a hormone was released. By balancing and unbalancing the endorphins in my brain, Lothos could control my emotions and my pain sensors.

I listen to all this the next day from Zoey, without any emotion. I had come to the conclusion that nothing mattered anymore. I would do as they said, and so have less pain. Eventually they would have no further use for me, and I'd be free again. There was nothing else I could do but wait it out.

They put me in the Accelerator again. I wasn't frightened anymore, because of my last experience in Time. I would survive, or I would die. There was nothing else to it. I would prefer not to die, but since I had no control over it, what use was there in thinking about it?

The redness of Lothos surrounded me once more, and then I was through. I was sitting in a classroom, writing in a grade book. There was no memory loss this time. I set the pen down in confusion, and looked up. No students in the classroom. Good. I doubted I would make a very good teacher.

Curious, I opened a drawer, and pulled out a mirror. Reflected back at me was an older woman's face, about forty. I experimented with moving my face and having hers move back, without happiness, until I heard a whooshing sound and Zoey appeared.

"Hello, Alia. As I'm sure you observed, you've Leapt into a schoolteacher. A Ms. Brown, in fact."

I sighed. "Zoey, what is the purpose of this? Time travel works. Okay, fine. Why Leap me into a specific person or time?"

Zoey pursed her lips. "Well, there is something we haven't told you yet."

I shivered. "Haven't told me? Zoey, you need me. I know that much. And to do what you want, I have to know certain things. Is there a reason I was Leapt here?"

"You were sent to change history."

"Change history?" I was confused. "You've made a major breakthrough here. But you don't know what effect changing the past will have on the present." I had read too many time-travel stories not to know that what happens in the past effects the future. Changing the past changes the future- and usually for the worse. At the time, I had no idea of the real purpose of the Project.

"On the contrary, we do know. Lothos can project what will happen if history is changed- a cause and effect program, you see. Lothos knows what will happen if you make a change. Make the changes in history he wants, and you can go home."

A nervous feeling settled in my stomach. I still didn't think that changing history was a good idea, but I had no choice. I was a prisoner.

"What does he want me to do?"

Zoey punched in buttons on the calculator- or hand link, as was the proper term. "A very simple assignment, for starters. Today is May 15, 1978. Your host, Ms. Brown, works for a high school at which there will be an attempted shoot-out this afternoon at 2:47. Some sort of dissatisfied student, it sounds like." She fixed me with her gaze. "Your job is to make sure it is not an attempt, but a killing."

My head spun. "What?"

"In the original history, Ms. Brown informed the authorities when she found out what the student was planning. Your job? Simply don't call the police, make sure the shooting occurs, and you can come home."

I stared at her. "You want me to…_kill_ people?"

She feigned shock. "You? No, not yet. Simply allow someone else to kill them, instead of preventing it. You can do that, can't you darling?"

I couldn't believe I had once thought this woman was an understanding person. "I can't allow that to happen. I can't knowingly allow someone to commit murder! I would be responsible!"

"You'll do it, Alia. One way or another, you'll do it. Lothos would prefer you cooperate, however. He isn't going to take your resistance lightly. Do as he says, and save yourself some pain."

"And hand it over to someone else? I can't do that."

She gave a deep sigh. "I knew this would happen. Don't say I didn't warn you…" She punched some more buttons on the hand link and vanished.

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My surroundings changed instantly. I silently screamed, but there was nothing to carry my voice. The red light took over my body, warping it, and twisting it inside out in horribly painful contortions. When my body put itself together again, I was lying on the floor of the Accelerator chamber, shaking violently. I passed in and out of consciousness several times as the attendants lifted my body onto a rolling bed and wheeled me down a corridor I'd never seen before.

I awoke in a new room, lit only by candles, A man chuckled somewhere in the darkness. "So. Failed your first assignment, did you? Naughty, naughty." Pain coursed through my body again.

"You know, I'm almost glad you aren't very good at this. It gives me a chance to try out some of the newer equipment."

Pain again, but only in my feet. In a fog I felt my bones snap and twist, and vaguely heard someone screaming somewhere. I wanted to tell them to be quiet, to leave me in peace, but then I realized that was _me_ screaming. I no longer controlled my voice.

"Like it? Of course, your bones aren't really broken, now. The nerves in your body are simply sending out the wrong signals to the brain, and unfortunately, they're telling you your feet are crushed. In reality, your body is fine. But that doesn't really matter to you now, does it?"

The pain now directed itself to my arms, and then my neck. I felt like my brain was exploding from the pain, but I could no longer scream- my voice had worn itself out, my throat felt ripped. So I shrieked mentally instead.

Then a new voice- no, not new, I'd heard it before, but couldn't remember- so much fading…

**Leave her be. She has learned her lesson.** The booming voice came from all around me.

"Aw, boss, just five more minutes? I was just getting started!"

**No, Thames. Or would you like to experience pain with her?**

The voice from the darkness seemed to shrink away. "No, no boss, that's fine. I'm taking her off now…"

That was when I lost all consciousness.

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I was allowed a day to recover from my torment. But that was just so that my voice would heal itself. When I was thought fit enough, I was sent to the Accelerator chamber again.

I was leaped to a woman again, a detective sent to investigate a murder case. Zoey instructed me to destroy evidence so the killer could get away. He would later kill more people who would have had a positive impact on the world. I refused.

But they didn't take me home that time. Instead, I was taken into the redness again and my mind suffered, recalling painful memories I wanted to forget and sobbing in agony. And I was another person when I awoke.

A man this time. Zoey wanted me to drive a car off a cliff, with my host and his girlfriend in it; leaping out before impact so my host would die instead of me. I resisted, and once again the torture ensued.

A series of quick leaps, all to confusing times and places I knew nothing about. And always to destroy someone's life. I refused to help each time, and each time my pain was greater. Until the red light faded and I fell to the floor sobbing, clutching my head, and begging for mercy. Zoey stood above me, watching coldly.

After I was done sobbing, Zoey spoke. "I can end it all dear. Only do what Lothos says, and you will be free. No more pain, ever again. What are their lives compared to yours?"

A spasm of pain hit my body again, and I gasped, "Anything Zoey, anything, only take the pain away! Take it away!"

It vanished, leaving me with a headache. I stood up, tears still streaming down my cheeks, and Zoey said, "Are you ready to cooperate this time?"

I shook all over, but answered, "Yes." I had no other choice. I couldn't live with that pain, I had to submit. So I did.

I found myself back in Ms. Brown's place once again, apparently a few minutes after I had leaped out. I excused myself from the room, and watched as Logan, the boy who would be doing the shooting, loaded the gun in the supply closet. I stood in front of the closet for as long as I dared so no one would see him. And I left the school early, hearing from Zoey that my Leap had been successful- three people had been killed in the shooting and two others badly injured. Logan shot himself before the police could arrest him. And it was all my fault.

I don't know how long I cried that night, out of guilt, and shame. I couldn't go on like this!

**_Then don't. _**

It's senseless to beat yourself up for something you had no control over. It will only make it worse. Stop caring, and the pain will leave. Forever.

It made sense. I couldn't keep thinking about what I had done and what I might do in the future. That would only hurt more. Forget about what I'm doing, forget about the pain, and someday it will pass.

Apathy, I believe it's called. No emotion. It's when you can look someone in the eyes, hold a gun to their head, pull the trigger, and it doesn't matter a bit. That was who I became.

I continued destroying time for Lothos, and Zoey told me that if I continued doing so well Lothos would let me return home. Maybe. I didn't believe her. But it no longer mattered.

I learned to act, to become my host as much as possible, yet change things for Lothos benefit. I preyed on those with weak feelings, putting down their self-esteem so they'd break up with a girlfriend or even attempt suicide. I was an apathetic killer and destroyer without a conscience, because a conscience was too painful. Guilt was painful. I hid behind my apathy for four years, killing and destroying anyone whose life might cause my pain. And I didn't care.


	7. Chapter 7 Sam Beckett

A/N- We are now entering a new dimension- one not entirely of my own imagination. Yes, that's right- we've come to "Deliver Us From Evil". This should be familiar to everyone who has seen Quantum Leap. And for those of you who haven't, (KP) well, if the dialogue has suddenly improved and you're wondering why, its because its from the original TV show.

Disclaimer- All the dialogue, except for the bit at the end between Zoey and Alia, belongs to Belisarius Productions and Don Belisario.

TesubCalle- Thank you! Yes, I'm going to cover all Alia's interactions with Sam- starting in this chapter, actually. And the Lord's Prayer came to mind? Are you a Christian? I am, and it should definitely show when we reach what happened to Alia after Revenge- but I'm getting ahead of myself. Thanks for your review!

prometheus-1984- Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like it.

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Chapter 7- Sam Beckett

_Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time? _

_When will my reflection show who I am inside?_

-From Reflection

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When the red light faded, I found myself wondering how long I had been leaping. Lothos continued to deny me my full memory each time I leaped, but it didn't matter much any more. What I needed to know to succeed, Lothos allowed me to remember. I remembered Zoey briefing me on my last visit home- I had leapt in to destroy a family's life. I was a young woman named Connie- yes, that I vaguely remembered. Everything else was lost.

The days of killing were mostly over. I hadn't had to end a life myself in a long time now; instead I was reduced to destroying relationships and breaking up families, which was much easier. After all, they would continue to live. It would just be a miserable life, but I felt justified in my decision. If I had to suffer so much, why shouldn't other people?

I sighed, and bent to fold another piece of laundry. This was one of Connie's duties that I didn't much rejoice in. I complained loudly to the only person around to hear me- Zoey.

"This is not my idea of fun," I said. "I hate cooking, and I hate doing the wash."

Zoey smiled in amusement. "Hang those jockey's high," she reminded me.

I smiled. "You're really enjoying this, aren't you."

"Don't take you're frustrations out on me!" Zoey exclaimed. "I'm just the chick who loves the sixties."

I rolled my eyes. "I'd love to see you play the good little housewife."

Zoey laughed. "No thanks, darling, not my style. Mind you, it looks as if it might have some nice fringe benefits."

"No, it doesn't."

"Did I ever tell you about the nice hunk who lives downstairs in my building? He had no laundry pad, so I offered to wash his clothes, as long as he took them off first," she said, mischievously. "He looked fab in bubbles."

I wasn't in the mood to hear about Zoey's perverted lust. "I don't have time for this," I exclaimed, hanging another dishcloth. Just then a car horn sounded. "Ah, that's Frank," I said, removing the pins from my hair.

"Oh, well I'd better be on my way," Zoey said. "If you're a good little girl, when I come back I might tell you about how I helped the phone man pull cable."

I stared at her, wondering why I'd ever want to know that, and turned away to the wash again. I piled the wash together in a basket and walked out to greet my 'husband' and his brother Jimmy. The one's whose lives I'd be ruining.

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I managed to start a nice little argument between Frank and 'Connie' that evening, sending Cory, our son, outside unhappy. Jimmy, Frank's brother, went to talk to him while we continued to banter in the kitchen.

Then later, I caught Jimmy and Frank whispering together in the kitchen. They pretended that it was nothing, but Zoey later informed me that Frank was planning to help his new girlfriend move the next day, further estranging him from his wife. For some reason I couldn't understand, Jimmy decided to help them. That might put a damper on things, but I figured I could fix it in time. I always could.

I contemplated this as I unwrapped the TV dinners for lunch. Jimmy walked through the door, then, surprising me. Was the job over so soon?

"Hi," he said.

"Jimmy!" I said. "I didn't hear you come in."

He observed what I was doing. "You know, these will work better if you leave the foil on, I think," he said, picking up the package. "See it, yeah, during the last ten minutes of heating tear off the foil covering, you know, for best results." I was impressed. Jimmy was supposedly mentally retarded, and I hadn't expected him to be correcting me in the kitchen. Connie had been helping him these past few weeks, though, so…

"Gosh," I said. "It's getting hard to tell the teacher from the student, huh?"

"Yeah," he murmured. "How come, uh, you only got three?"

"Oh, Cory's staying over at a friend's."

"Which one?"

"Timmy," I said, then remembered that was wrong. "No, uh, Johnny, Johnny Tisdale."

Jimmy nodded, then came up and sputtered, "Look, Connie, we have to talk."

I paused, staring, then turned away. Connie and Jimmy couldn't 'talk about things' if this was going to work. I walked into the living room.

Jimmy persisted. "Frank needs you, Connie. He needs you now more then ever, and so does Cory."

I frowned at him. "Jimmy, did Frank put you up to this?"

"No! No, its just that, if you don't do something fast, you're gonna lose him!" He seemed very concerned.

I sighed, unable to avoid talking. "Listen to me, Jimmy. Frank has a lot of growing up to do. He's jealous because I pay attention to you."

"Couldn't you pay attention to him too?"

"It's never enough! This is your time, Jimmy, I'm not gonna let his ego get in your way!"

"I just want the two of you to be happy."

"Well, its too late," I said, storming away. At least, I hoped it was too late. If they did end up happy, Zoey would have my hide.

"No it isn't!" Jimmy insisted.

"No?" I asked, trying to sound upset. I should have been an actress, I thought. I would have been great at it. Maybe when I get home…I shoved the thought away. Lothos wasn't going to let me get home, and I knew it.

"No."

"Then why won't you tell me where you went this morning?" I asked. Jimmy had disappeared for a while, and it was only natural Connie would be worried. Jimmy couldn't seem to think of anything to say to that, so I turned to leave.

"Connie…" he said, and grabbed my elbow. But as I turned to shake him off, he changed…

'Jimmy' grew taller, and more defined, his hair changed color- his appearance was warping before my very eyes! I backed away, startled. So did he, frowning, and I wondered if somehow my appearance had changed as well.

"Who _are_ you?" I asked, frightened by this shape-shifter.

"Who are _you_?"

We had gone from family to total strangers in two seconds. He obviously didn't see me as Connie anymore, and this certainly wasn't Jimmy. And yet…yet I felt a sort of kinship with this total stranger. As if we had shared the same sorrows- I shook the thought away. Zoey would say I was getting too poetic.

But how to answer the identity question? I was never to reveal my true identity to a person in the Leaps. However, he knew I wasn't Connie, so…what the heck. I deserved a speck of identity, didn't I? Zoey was the only person who ever called me Alia anymore. Back at the Project, I was referred to as 'the Leaper' or 'the girl'. As a small amount of torture, even when I was back in my own body, they never let me get anywhere near a mirror. I had almost forgotten what I looked like.

Even now, as I turned to the mirror, I saw Connie's reflection. I asked it, "How can this be happening?"

The stranger looked like Jimmy in the mirror, but different when I turned back to him. "This is incredible!" He exclaimed.

I swallowed, unable to grasp this. "You mean the whole time that you've been…" I couldn't finish the sentence.

"Who are you?" he asked. "I mean…what's your name?"

I gave the only answer I wanted to hear- "Alia."

"Alia." He said, testing it out in his mouth, as if saying my name would make me real.

"Uh-huh," I said, still unsure of what to say.

"Alia, um, I'm Sam, uh, Sam. Sam Beckett."

I shivered. Had I heard that name before? If I had, the memory had left me.

Still confused, Sam asked, "Where did you come from?"

And I gave the only answer I could, the only one I knew. "The future."

"Where? I mean when?" He asked.

Just then I heard the familiar sound of the Imaging Chamber door opening, and Zoey stepped through.

"Uh, well…" I said, looking sideways at Zoey, not sure how to put this.

Of course, Zoey had to put in her two bits as well. "Well, well, well, well, well. So where did this studly morsel come from?"

I groaned. Zoey was always going on about men; it was distracting. Have you ever tried to listen to two conversations at once? Trust me, it isn't easy.

"Not now," I said, hoping she'd take the hint and leave.

Sam thought I was talking to him, though. "Not now? I just wanna know where you're from, that's all."

Zoey talked over him. "Okay, sweet cheeks, I don't mind a little afternoon's delight, as long as you don't forget your assignment. Where's Jimmy?"

"He's Jimmy." I paused, forgetting that Zoey didn't see him as Jimmy anymore. "He used to be."

Saying this caused Sam to get all excited, though, and he interrupted, saying, "Scuse me, excuse me for a second. Are you, are you talking to a hologram? You're talking to a hologram, aren't you! You are a time traveler too!"

I tried to catch my breath. My suspicions had been true. The morphing I had seen was simply the change of his aura, similar to the one I wore around me during a Leap. But touching had disrupted the aura, and now I could see him, and he could see me. He could see me! I suddenly wanted to ask him what he saw- what was my face like, my eyes, my hair, everything! But I didn't.

But he knew! He knew what it was like to wander around in time, never being yourself, having no control. Here was someone who finally could understand me.

"Too? What does he mean, too?" Zoey asked, flabbergasted. It was a relief to see her confused, for once.

"Sam Beckett, I'd like you to meet my partner, Zoey," I said, forgetting for a second that of course he couldn't see or hear her.

He played along, all the same, seeming very enthusiastic. "Zoey? Hiya, Zoey! It's really nice to meet you, I think…"

Zoey wasn't as thrilled. "What's going on here?"

"Uh, we're not sure. Sam and I touched, and then suddenly…"

She suddenly seemed to make up her mind that it didn't matter what had happened, all that matters was that it had happened and something had to be done about it. "Listen, you mustn't say anything to him about us. Nothing, you hear?"

But I wanted to, I wanted to so bad, and if Zoey thought she could forbid me, she was wrong. Still, I asked, "Why?"

As Sam sputtered in the background, asking what she was saying, Zoey said, "Why? Because we don't know anything about him! Ah, I'll have to back and run this by Lothos." She opened the door, but called back, "Remember- keep your mouth shut." I didn't have much intention of doing that.

A little relieved, I turned back to Sam and said, "She's gone." Sudden curiosity swept over me, and I found myself asking, "Do you have anyone helping you?"

"Well, um…" Suddenly his head turned toward the air next to him. "It's funny you should mention that."

I turned to look, too, but I saw nothing. Of course, his hologram had appeared. "Alia…"

"Uh huh?"

"This is…this is Al."

I smiled, hopefully in the direction of Al. "Hello, Al."

He must have said something, because Sam responded, chuckling a bit. "You're not gonna believe this, okay. Alia…is, is…you ready for this? Alia…is…a time-traveler!" At that point he couldn't contain himself any longer and laughed again. I found myself laughing with him, my brain remotely observing that this was the first time I'd laughed in a long time.

Sam was laughing and shaking his head. "No, no. Alia…is…Connie."

He paused for a moment, then continued, "I don't know how it happened, Al, but it did." He had stopped laughing, but he was still grinning, and a light danced in his eyes.

"Yeah, isn't that great?"

I felt tired of being left out of the conversation, so I asked, "Does Al have any idea what happened?"

"Well, uh, he's uh, he's finding out." He paused again, listening intently, and then he said, "Uh, he says, uh, he says that something happened when we touched."

"Oh, I know, I felt it too," I said, smiling.

Sam stared at me, mirroring my grin. "You know what, Al, I think you should go back and give her a hand."

He paused, then added, "Never been better…Okay…you too…bye-bye." He gave a little half-wave then, and jerked his hand towards where the hologram had been, never taking his eyes off of me. "He's, uh, he's gone."

That was only the beginning.

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After our holograms had left us in peace, Sam and I began to talk. And we just couldn't stop. We passed hours that way, just talking. It was as if now, after bouncing us around for so long, Time stood still. And yet there would never be enough of it to learn all I wanted.

"So then, I stepped in to this Accelerator, which is what we call it, and…"

"And you've been Leaping ever since?" I supplied, in regards to how Sam began his journey through time.

"Yeah." Then he asked me, "What about you? Where are you from? How did you get here?"

It was natural that he would have questions. After all, he had practically shared everything he remembered with me, and expected the same from me. But those were not questions I particularly wanted to answer.

"Well, it's kind of hard to say," I said, evading the question. But I thought of a way to avoid explaining personal things, and yet bring up something that had troubled me. "I mean, I was part of an experiment, but to tell you the truth, the details are all kind of foggy. I mean, I can't exactly remember. It's almost as if…"

"Like, like your memory was Swiss-cheesed?" Sam supplied.

"Exactly!" I said, enjoying the adjective. "I mean, I don't have any control over where I go, or who I become…its kind of scary sometimes." Sometimes? It's scary all the time. But I pushed the thought down inside me and forced myself to act in a way that would hopefully not result in pain later.

"Tell me about it," Sam said, agreeing with me. I smiled shyly at the understanding.

"Do you…realize…how incredible this is?" he asked, standing up to pace. "I mean, not only do I come back here again, but I meet you, and…"

He was here before? "What do you mean, come back here again?" I asked, hoping to find out.

"I've been here before," he said, turning from his pacing to look at me. "I've been Jimmy."

What? "When?"

"I'm not really sure. From the looks of things it couldn't have been more than a couple of years ago." He came over and looked at me intensely, excitedly. "See, I got Jimmy his job on the dock. I saved Corey from drowning."

A chill of regret twisted inside me, but I shoved it away. There wasn't really any proof yet… "Have you helped a lot of people?"

He stared at me. "Yeah. Yeah, see, that's how I Leap- I, I fix things that went wrong." He paused, frowning and sitting beside me again. "How does it work for you?"

So Sam's job was to help people. He made their lives better, while I made them worse. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to say that I destroyed people's lives. This- hero- how would he look at me then? He was the first person in a long time to see me as I really was, and I didn't want to admit that I wasn't helping people as he did. So I tried to edge my way around the question, saying, "Well, each assignment is different."

"What's your assignment this time?"

I couldn't tell him. I knew, however much I wanted a friend, that Zoey would punish me for telling him. Sam fixed things. I destroyed them. We were too different, and once Zoey found out, she would… I couldn't think about that. I couldn't help Sam. To spare myself, all I could do was finish my assignment and try to convince Zoey not to hurt him. But I couldn't let him succeed in helping the family. And I couldn't let him know that I was there to hurt them. So I lied.

"I came back for you, I mean Jimmy, help become more independent." My sentence wasn't quite coherent, but that didn't matter. I turned the conversation back to Sam. "What about you?"

"I came back…for Frank and Connie's marriage. See, in the real history, Frank makes a bad decision, and the marriage is ruined."

I felt a small amount of satisfaction. So it was working. Why hadn't I Leaped, then?

But I had to stall Sam. Whatever happened, I couldn't let him succeed. And I remembered something Zoey had told me earlier…_When you're up against someone, lure them into a false sense of security. Make them think you're on their side. And then…_

"That can't be right," I told Sam, sounding confused. "According to Lothos everything works out perfectly for them."

"Lothos?" He asked.

I didn't want to say anything about Lothos, but I had to explain what I'd said. Hopefully my momentary pause wasn't noticed by Sam.

"He's the artificial intelligence unit that controls my assignments. You must have a similar unit."

"Ziggy, that's what we call her. Are you sure your data's up to date?"

"Positive!" I said, sounding sure of myself. "Zoey would have told me if something was wrong. Besides, Lothos is very efficient. He doesn't make mistakes."

Suddenly Sam jerked around to look behind him, and stared into space, confused.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"Is that Al?"

"Yeah…" He said, listening to the voice I couldn't hear. I found myself wondering what Al was like, what he was saying. Then Sam said, "Oh no."

"What's wrong?"

"Frank went back to Shirley's apartment…I gotta go."

"No, you can't!" I said, forgetting who I was with. If Sam fixed things, I would

fail. I couldn't afford to fail. I desperately tried to regain control of the situation. "I mean, there's just so many things that I need to ask you, so many things that I want to tell you… besides, I told you everything's going to work out fine for them!"

He stared, unsure. "I have to make sure myself."

I cast about for an idea. "Well, then I'll go with you."

"No, no Frank sees you as Connie. Look I'll be back, I promise. Just stay right

here, okay?" And he took off running, leaving me staring after him.

I heard a voice behind me. "Well, well," Zoey said softly. "Looks like Mr. Fix-it has finally come to bust up our plans, sweet-cheeks."

I looked away. "He's just doing his job."

"Mmmm, do I detect a note of sympathy there?" Zoey asked. Her tone was light, but her meaning threatening.

I shivered. "No."

"Good. And I thought I told you not to say anything about us," she said acidly.

I whirled back to face her. "You were spying on us?"

"I'm a hologram, darling, that's what we do."

"Oh, all right, yes. Okay? I had to say something. He was pouring out his life's story to me, I couldn't say nothing about myself!"

"Well, you do have a point there. And it may work out for the best after all. Or the worst," She added as an afterthought.

"Do you have any data on him?" I asked.

"As a matter of fact, there is a great deal of data on him. Dr. Samuel Beckett is considered today's Einstein, apparently. As a matter of fact, he was the one who came up with the theories Lothos used as a base for our own project, did you know that?"

I didn't remember anything about him, if I'd ever heard of him. But if Lothos had used his ideas to send me flying around in time…no. Lothos was the one to blame, not Sam. He seemed like a nice person. And that was more than I could say about myself.

"Anyway, he seems to have disappeared, in our time at least. And a great deal of government money is going towards his 'top secret' project. Unfortunately, Lothos hasn't been able to hack into their infernal computer's files. But he's working on it."

"Good," I said. "What's the outcome now?"

"Everything works out perfectly, like you said. Perfectly for us, that is," she laughed. "Frank and Connie get divorced, and Connie takes charge of Corey." She pursed her lips. "But Lothos has decided on an even better ending for the story…Jimmy will get sent back to the loony bin, and Frank will drink himself to death. It's just marvelous, isn't it?"

"Wonderful," I agreed. "But how do I make it happen?"

"Well, let's just say that Frank would get very angry if he thought Jimmy had raped and beaten his wife…"


	8. Chapter 8 Confusion

A/N-Chapter is rated T+ for suggestive themes and some sexual material. Nothing extreme happens, though, as you who have seen the episode know.

PippinDuck- Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it, and hope you'll enjoy the next chapter!

TesubCalle (At least I'm assuming its you)- Thanks for all your praise! It makes me feel good inside. J I can't wait for the DVD's to come out, either. And it's nice to meet another Christian on the web!

Korean Pearl- Thanks for your review! Yeah, Alia didn't really have a foundation to hold onto at that point in her life. And, I'm sorry, but this story is only going to get darker as it progresses. We have a lot of pain to go through before Alia can begin to heal. But I'm hoping you'll stick with us just the same.

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Chapter 8- Confusion

_I cannot find a way to describe it, _

_It's there inside, all I do is hide. _

_I wish that it would just go away. _

_What would you do, you do if you knew, what would you do…_

–Take Me Away, by Avril Lavigne

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"I couldn't get through to him, Alia," Sam said, later that night. "No matter what I said."

"It's not too late," I told him, trying to sound hopeful. "Maybe there's something you can still do to help."

"I just don't see why I haven't Leaped. I mean, at least if I got out of here, you could continue working with Jimmy and maybe prevent him from getting sent away." He had this look of utter confusion on his face, and I felt sorry for him. But there was something I had to know…

"Do you always think about the people first?" I asked. Think about someone other than yourself? What was that like? Didn't it bring pain, eventually?

"What do you mean?" he asked, still confused.

I stalled, looking at the ground, and swaying a bit before I answered. I had to look sincere. "I mean maybe there's another reason you're still here."

"What, what're you talking about?"

"You and me, Sam." I said slowly, and then leaned up to kiss him, very softly, on the cheek. I turned away and began to walk, slowly talking all the while. "I mean, you're really the only person that I've met who can understand the longing that I've felt. The emptiness…" Did he feel it too? Did this hero, strong as he seemed, have a weakness? A longing to be free? "The hunger for something, anything. Something familiar. A touch, a smell, a taste…"

He came up behind me softly, saying, "But don't you see that…"

"Sam," I sighed, "I'm not Connie, and you're not Jimmy."

I turned around slowly, and wrapped my arms around him. We kissed, and kissed again. I wanted so much to let myself go, but I had a job to do…

Sam broke the kiss by saying. "But…I am Jimmy. At least, a part of me is Jimmy…"

"I know who you are, and I want you," I murmured. "Make love to me, Sam…" Show me that someone could love me, someone could know me…

We made our way into the bedroom, where I began to take his shirt off. He resisted, but feebly. I could tell he wanted it, maybe not as much as I did, but the wanting was there. He showed it by unclasping the back of my dress, pulling it down and sinking down onto the bed, embracing me all the while. I lowered him more, kissing him passionately.

He made one final attempt to resist. "This…this isn't right…"

"Why?" I soothed him, caressing him.

"Why? Because…I don't know, it just feels…"

"Sam, we deserve this. Tell me that you don't want me, and I'll stop," I challenged. He couldn't say that. Whatever he might think of himself, Sam was human too. And so was I. And maybe, just maybe, this moment could last forever, loving and being touched by someone who knew me and loved me…

No, of course it couldn't. The return of Frank was what ruined it. "Connie? Jimmy? Where is everybody?" He called from outside. Hearing him, Sam leaped up.

"Oh, no. Oh no, Frank," He threw my dress towards me. "Here, get dressed. Hurry. Oh, my God, if he finds us like this he'll leave Connie for sure. Before he strangles me…okay, we'll tell him we were talking, right? You decided that…"

Sam had finished getting dressed before he noticed that I wasn't doing the same.

"What're you doing, get your…" He stared at me, sitting on the bed in nothing but my underclothes. I reached up to rip my bra strap off. "What're you…" I looked back at him, sorrow and pity radiating from me, but I couldn't help it, I had orders…

I gave him a long, level look as I reached with my right hand to the left side of me face, and dug in. I dragged my nails downward, leaving long, bloody gashes across my cheek. The pain was intense, but I had endured worse before. And then, with Sam looking on in confusion and fright, I screamed.

Frank, hearing his wife in torment, burst into the room. Sam had bent over me, reaching for me, but Frank knocked him away. "Oh my God," Frank exclaimed. "What happened?"

I wept, crying, for myself, for Sam…but I had a job to do. "It was Jimmy," I whimpered, frightened, crying. "He tried to rape me…"

_"What?" _

"That's a lie, Frank," Sam whispered. "A lie.."

Frank knocked him aside. "I tried to stop him, but he was too strong for me," I continued through tears. "I tried, but then, I thought he was going to, going to kill me…"

Frank turned to look at 'Jimmy' in shock. "You attacked my wife?"

Sam shook his head, bewildered. "No!"

But Frank would listen. "I took you into my house!" He yelled, slapping Sam. "I took care of you!"

"No, I didn't, Frank…" Sam protested, as another slap landed.

"Don't lie to me, Jimmy, don't lie to me!" Frank yelled, beating Sam again.

"I didn't do it…"

"Look at her! Look at her! Did she do that to herself?"

Sam ducked and burst away from Frank, pushing himself up against the wall, holding one arm out to protect himself. "Listen to me! I'm not Jimmy, okay? And this…" He pointed at me, as I sobbed on. I don't think I was even acting anymore. "This is not Connie!"

Frank stared, in disbelief and anger. "What? What'd you say?"

"She's not your wife," he explained desperately.

A hysterical grin spread across Frank's face. "This ain't happening. This is insane! Keeping you here was supposed to make a difference. It was supposed to be a good thing!"

"Tell me the truth, Frank," Sam gasped.

Frank shoved him against the wall again. _"No, you stop it! Stop it! Stop it! No, no no!"_

Things had gone on long enough. I broke off my crying and jumped up from the bed, grabbing Frank as he beat Sam across the back. "Stop it!" I screamed. "Stop it! Stop it, Frank, it wasn't his fault! Just please, call the doctor."

"How can you defend him," Frank asked, breathing heavily, "after what he did to you?"

"He's your brother, Frank!" I gasped. "Please, just call Dr. Smithfield."

As Sam cowered in the corner, Frank and I made our way out of the room, where Frank shut and locked the door. I continued breathing hard, letting a few tears slip out now and then. Frank helped me into a robe, and we sat in the kitchen, trying to recover.

"It's my fault, Connie," Frank admitted. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"I'm so sorry!" Zoey said dramatically, popping back in. "How pathetic!"

I grabbed Frank's sleeves and spoke in a low voice. "Frank, listen to me, you have to go get Dr. Smithfield and bring him here."

"All right, I'll call him again." Frank reached for the phone, but I stopped him.

"No, you have to go and get him and bring him here," I told him.

"But I'm not going to leave you here alone," Frank protested.

"Would you just get rid of him so we can get on with it?" Zoey said, exasperated.

"I can't go out like this, I, I need to take a shower or something."

"Connie, I'm not gonna leave you alone!"

"I'm alright! He's locked in our room, he, he can't hurt me. Not anymore. Just go, please go…"

Frank began to leave, but before he did, he said, "If he touches you again, I'll kill him."


	9. Chapter 9 You're not evil, Alia

A/N- One of my favorite chapters- probably because it has some of the best dialogue from the shows included in it. I've done my best to add to it, but the original scene was powerful already. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer- The powerful dialogue in this scene was not written by me and does not belong to me. It belongs to Belisarius Productions and Don Belisario.

PippinDuck- Thanks for your review, and for putting this story on your favorites list! That means a lot to me. Most of the scenes in the upcoming chapters will be review of the episodes and the novel Alia appeared in, although there will be a few original scenes mixed in. Once we get past 'Revenge', I start writing completely out of my head again.

TesubCalle- I believe you, although I haven't had the fortune to meet that many- you're the third Christian I've met on fanfic. Thanks for your praise! And I'm glad you caught that, about her being needy, I was hoping someone would!

Korean Pearl- That's the way Lothos works- smart, but awful. Oh, and I have a link for you, should you care to check it out. This site has pictures and even videos of Alia and Zoey. Some of the videos we haven't reached in this fic yet, but they're still good. If you want to look at it, the site is w w w. quantumleap - alsplace. com/ evil/ (Without the spaces.) I'm sorry you were sick, and hope you feel better!

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Chapter 9- "You're not evil, Alia…"

_I'm frightened by what I see,_

_But somehow I know that there's much more to come. _

_Immobilized by my fear, _

_And soon to be blinded by tears, _

_I can stop the pain if I will it all away. _

_Don't turn away, don't give in to the pain. _

_Don't try to hide though they're screaming your name. _

_Don't close your eyes, _

_God knows what lies behind them. _

_Don't turn out the light, never sleep, never die._

–Whisper, by Evanescence

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I stared at Frank, not making a sound, as he left. Zoey giggled. "Bravo, brava! 'He can't hurt me, not anymore…' You're exquisite."

"Why haven't I Leaped?" I demanded. "Why am I still here?"

Zoey consulted the hand-link. "Lothos has decided you've got one more thing to do before you go. A little bonus."

"What sort of a bonus?" I asked acidly. I just needed to leave. I'd betrayed Sam, the only person who knew who I really was. If I didn't Leap soon…

"Seems you're to kill the good Dr. Beckett," Zoey informed me.

I looked at her in confusion, trying to shove away the guilt and fear stirring inside me. "Why? He hasn't tried to stop us."

"Alia, my pet, do I detect a tinge of pity in your voice?" She inquired.

I sighed, rubbing my arms. "I just want to go, that's all."

"Then kill him, and be done with it." She jabbed at the hand-link. "Lothos has done a scan. There's a 38 caliber pistol at the top of the front hall closet."

She looked at me. I hadn't moved.

Zoey leaned forward intensely. "This could be the one that gets you home. Home, Alia."

_Home…_

She moved away and punched at the hand-link again. "I think I'll go and check on Mr. Wonderful."

I let out a deep breath when she was gone. Just one more death, and I'd be free. Free of this hell…what was Sam's life worth against mine? Standing on tiptoe I grabbed the pistol and pulled it down. I rubbed its sleek surface across my cheek. Just once more…

"Hurry up, darling!" Zoey called gaily. "He's asking for you!"

_Just do it..._

I reached for the door, twisted the knob, pulled it open. "Get away from the door, Sam," I shouted. "I'm coming in and I've got a gun."

"Surprise!" Zoey smiled slyly as I held the gun out at arm's length, pointed towards my latest victim.

Sam's eyes jerked towards his right. "Not until I know why she's doing this."

I glanced that way too, and wasn't surprised to see nothing. "Is Al here?"

"Yeah, he's here," Sam said, his voice low. "He says you're going to shoot Jimmy. Why?"

"I've got my orders," I said, helplessly. My voice was also unusually low.

"So you were never here to help Jimmy," he said, as if he still couldn't believe it. "Where do you come from?"

"What difference does it make? You lost and I won," I said, gloating slightly.

"So you're gonna shoot me?"

I let out a quick breath of air. "You're not the first person I've killed, Sam," I informed him, sounding haughty. In reality, I was trying to cover up the storm that was brewing inside me. _Just one last time_, I told myself. _Just once more._

"Get on with it," Zoey snapped.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, and then… "Evil?"

"Now there's a novel concept," Zoey remarked.

Sam shook his head wildly. "No. No, I don't believe that there's some force Leaping her around and ruining people's lives just for the pleasure of it!"

Zoey laughed. "How deliciously naïve."

"Then you're a fool," I told him, contemptuously.

"So that's what you do, destroy people's lives? I don't believe that!"

"The perfect hero," Zoey said. "Death in his face and he wants to deny it's power."

"And you're telling me that God or Fate or whatever has put us here against each other?"

Reflecting on Lothos, I stepped closer and said, "Not God."

He shook his head. "You can't kill me…You'd be killing yourself, Alia. I mean, think about it. I only exist because you do, and you because of me. If I die it only makes sense that you would too." What was he saying? I was going to kill myself? After all I'd gone through, only to die before I could reach home…

Zoey leaned towards me. "He's stalling. Shoot him."

"What if he's telling the truth?" I asked her nervously. "What if I kill him and then I kill myself and I can't go home?"

"Evil only exists because of good," he pressed on. "If you kill me, we'd cancel each other out!"

"Do it," Zoey whispered dangerously. "Do it."

I glanced at her and then back to Sam, anguished. Who to trust?

"You can't kill me, Alia." He had no idea how many people I had killed, how many lives I had destroyed. I didn't want to, didn't he know that? But I didn't have a choice! My life was not my own. Lothos controlled it, and if I didn't obey him…Sam had never endured the torture I had gone through. Who was he to talk?

"Because I know that somewhere inside of you there's a woman who feels the same things I do. The same loneliness, the same fear…I felt it the first time we touched, you felt it too." He said it desperately, he wanted to convince me…and I wasn't so sure I didn't want to be convinced. What had happened to theperson I had been? What had happened to my sense of right and wrong? I had thrust it away, because it was too painful. But life without it was painful as well. Was there no escape?

Maybe there was. Maybe if I turned the gun on myself…

"This could be your ticket home. This could be the way out!"

No. Zoey had told me Lothos would let me go. Just this one assignment, just one last death on my hands and I would be free. I so desperately wanted to be Alia again. "If I kill you, I can go home…"

"No!" Sam shook his head vehemently. "No, not that way. Killing me will only add to his power or her power…whatever power…_you_ have the power Alia. You can choose not to kill me!"

I…could choose…

"He doesn't know what he's talking about. Lothos could send you back to your worst nightmare, if you don't pull that trigger!"

"There's got to be an end…" I whispered.

"Alia!" Zoey snarled. "We clawed our way out of _hell_ to land simple assignments like home-wrecking and adultery…"

"Don't listen to her," Sam said urgently.

"You don't want to go back to the horror we lived before." And I knew what she was talking about. I had killed so many, done so many horrible things…the assignments were easier now. But if I let Sam live, he would fix everything I had done. We would be caught in an endless cycle- him fixing, me destroying, unless we destroyed each other now.

"You gotta listen to me!"

"No, I can't kill all those people again!" I couldn't go back to living that way!

"Then pull the trigger!" Yes. Yes, I had to…

Sam shook his head. "You're not evil, Alia." I wanted to scream, _You don't know me! You don't know what I've done! I'm a horrible person, how can you feel anything for me? I don't deserve to live, but I'm afraid of the pain of death…_

"Whatever trapped you in time is."

Lothos…he was evil. Yes. But I did his bidding!

But maybe I didn't have to anymore.

Maybe I could do one thing right, at least.

I handed the gun to Sam.

_"You stupid fool!"_ Zoey hissed. "What have you _done_?"

But I couldn't answer, couldn't do anything but scream, because Lothos had me with his mind and I was being drawn away from Connie, drawn away in mental torture…oh dear God, he would kill me!

My body was on fire- no, I was shivering, because I was freezing to death- someone was stabbing me a thousand times with needles and I couldn't stop it and all I could do was scream…

"You'll never be worth anything, you little brat!"

My father, screaming at me…

I was walking through a graveyard, one I knew well, because buried here were all the people I had killed. And they rose out of their graves and wailed, wanting the life I had stolen from them, but all around me was death, and destruction…

"You're trash!"

"You stupid fool!"

"Murderer!"

"Liar!"

"Thief!"

"Destroyer!"

_"Murderer!"_

I was walking on the beach, and I saw Renee in the distance, and she was waving and smiling, but when she got to me she snarled and said, "I hate you!" And she slapped me, and turned to leave. I couldn't stop myself, and I pulled out the gun and shot her, and her blood flowed out onto the ground, and she cried, "Allie! Allie! Why?" I knelt beside her, sobbing that I hadn't meant it, and wouldn't she forgive me. And then it wasn't Renee but Sam, and he was dying at my hand. "I was wrong," he gasped. "There isn't any good in you at all…" and he died.

_"MURDERER!"_


	10. Chapter 10 Knights of the Morningstar

A/N- This is more of a filler chapter, sort of a let-down after the drama of the last chapter, but have patience. It will get better.

Disclaimer- The dialogue from this chapter, from the time Alia Leaps into Cynthia and onwards, does not belong to me. It belongs to Melanie Rawn, author of Knights of the Morningstar.

PippinDuck- Thank you! I'm glad I pulled it off- and here's some more!

TesubCalle- Thanks for all your wonderful comments! I got the idea there would be an endless cycle from Alia's line: "I can't kill all those people again…" Hope this is a quick enough update!

Korean Pearl- I'm glad you liked it, although most of the credit for the dialogue (Including the 'evil only exists because of good' line) goes to the wonderful writers of the TV show. And as to the end of the chapter, I'm sorry it confused you. The line that mattered was- "Maybe I could do one thing right, at least. I handed the gun to Sam." As soon as she gives up the gun and decides not to kill Sam, Lothos begins pulling her back to her own time and mentally torturing her, which is why the end is confusing. So no, she didn't kill Sam, at least not in the last chapter.

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Chapter 10- Knights of the Morningstar

_Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear, _

_Sealed with lies through so many tears lost from within, _

_Pursuing the end, I fight for the chance to be lied to again. _

_You will never be strong enough. _

_You will never be good enough. _

_You were never conceived in love.  
You will not rise above._

–Lies, by Evanescence

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I lost track of time. I was in and out of consciousness, never knowing if what I saw was another nightmare or reality. There wasn't any difference between them, anyway. My nightmares were real, and my reality was a nightmare.

Sometime in my delusions, I heard the terrifying voice of Lothos. I wept, afraid, despairing.

**Alia.**

I cried on.

**Answer me, Alia.**

"Yes?" I managed.

**It is useless to resist, Alia. You failed me. You failed yourself. Do you see this?**

"Yes!" I sobbed.

**Sam Beckett is your enemy. But you failed to eliminate him.**

"I…I'm sorry…"

**You deserve to die for your failure.**

I found myself believing him. Yes. I did deserve to die. I had failed Lothos! A small part of me wondered why I suddenly felt this loyalty, but it drifted to the back of my consciousness. I had failed. Lothos should kill me for being a failure.

**But I will let you live. You may still be useful yet.**

Live? I would live? Yes. Maybe I could make up for my failure. But I would have to give up my weak thoughts. I would have to harden myself again. But it wouldn't matter. And the pain that lived with me constantly would leave.

"Yes. I will obey now," I whispered.

**Good. Very good.**

---------------------------------------

"We found him."

I opened my eyes slowly, despairing of ever having a moment's peace. The past few weeks had been hard. I had to readjust to Leaping, and doing Lothos' dirty work. I did not want to speak to Zoey right now.

"What is it, Zoey?" I sighed.

"We found your good friend Dr. Beckett."

I gave the expected response. "He isn't my friend," I snapped. But my heart wavered.

"Whatever you say, sweet-cheeks, but we found him."

I knew there was more. "And?"

"He's leapt in to one Phillip Larkin. Some sort of a Knights of the Round Table geek, from the sound of it. He's at a yearly convention where several _insane_ people gather to reenact the Middle Ages. Lothos believes he is there to bring Phillip and a woman named Cynthia together. Fortunately, the good Doctor has become very discouraged as of late. Your assignment is, once again, to eliminate him. You have a chance to redeem yourself. Don't blow it." She spun around on her heels and left me in the holding chamber, to dwell on this new information.

I shivered. Sam was back? No. I didn't want to do this. Please…I _couldn't_ do this.

But you have to. Or… 

Yes. That _or._ I would have to do it this time. I would have to destroy him, now; I couldn't afford to fail again. Not again.

So I would do my best this time. I would not fail now.

----------------------------------------

The red light left me, faded into nothingness around me, and there he was again. Sam. Cynthia's dress rustled against my legs, and I smiled. I dug my fingers into his arm and whispered, "Well, Sam Beckett. You're a difficult man to find."

I turned away from the stunned scientist to the other man and dropped the smile, pretending to be concerned. I remembered his name- Roger Franks. He and Phillip Larkin had been arguing over the rights to a book they wrote together and then altered. This was one reason Sam had Leaped in here. I was here to change that.

"The manuscript in your tent is mine," Roger was saying. "Phillip didn't write a single sentence of it."

I turned my gaze on Sam, who seemed paralyzed by the very sight of me. However amusing this was, I knew it wouldn't last. "What am I going to do?" I asked, appealing to Sam, Roger, and Lothos all at once. Yes, what was I going to do? What Cynthia wanted, what Roger wanted, what Sam wanted, or what Lothos wanted? Didn't I have any say in my life?

No. You gave up that say when you went with Zoey. And you know what you have to do.

"Either I wrote it or Phillip wrote it. It all depends on who you believe, doesn't it?" Roger asked.

"Yes," I said. "It certainly does." And that wasn't the truth. I knew what had happened, and I knew neither of them was telling the truth. But I couldn't let on.

Sam found his voice. "Roger…" But he was too disoriented to follow up on it.

"What?" Roger growled. Sam was still unable to say anything.

_"What?" _Now Roger was getting really impatient. "This isn't the tourney field, Phil, but it's still just you and me. Let's do it. Right here, right now."

"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. They couldn't break out in a fight right now. Sam couldn't handle a sword, but he could use his fists. And giving Sam an advantage wasn't something I had in mind.

I hitched up Cynthia's long skirts and called back to them, "Come with me, both of you!"

We headed toward the medieval banquet, both the men behind me bewildered. I took the moment to review where and when I was. It was July of 1987, and Roger, Cynthia, and Phillip were all part of a 'League' that pretended they lived in the middle ages. So what did knights in armor do what confronted with a dispute? They went to see the king.

I curtsied before the King, who raised his goblet and smiled welcome. "Lady Cyndaria! Escorted by two noble knights, no less! How fare you this evening, Lord Rannulf, Sir Percival?" Apparently these obsessed people even came up with Middle Ages titles.

Before Roger or Sam could say a thing, I said, "Your Majesties, pray forgive this untimely interruption, but I am convinced that this is a matter you alone can decide."

The king motioned to the Herald, who shouted and quieted the crowd, as the entertainers stopped their act. Now everyone's attention was fixed on us.

"What matter is this, my lady?" asked the king.

"Lord Rannulf and Sir Percival both claim ownership of the same item. Because there is no proof either way of the truth, I beg your wisdom in resolving the problem."

I was reminded of a similar situation in a story once, where two women claimed a baby as their own, and went to the king to settle the dispute. He ordered the child to be cut in half, and the woman who protested was known as the real mother. Thus the king showed his wisdom. But I believed a different situation would follow here.

"Lady Cyndaria," said the Queen, "You wish us to settle this matter of honor?"

I bent down humbly, trying to hide my smug smile. When Zoey told me the situation I would Leap into, it had taken some thought, but I had figured out the perfect scenario. And now it was all falling into place. "If your majesty would be so gracious, please."

I stepped back as the King and Queen began to question the two men as to what had happened and what they wanted to do about it. Both men were filled with righteous anger at having their ownership questioned, and finally Sam did just what I hoped he would do- challenged Roger to a duel over the rights of the book. Even better, Roger issued a counter-challenge for the right to woo me- Lady Cyndaria, I mean. And Sam accepted. This was going to be too easy. When Sam lost tomorrow on the tourney field, Roger would receive Cynthia and the rights to the book, and my job would be done. Although if I knew Zoey, she would come up with an even better plan to destroy these lives, or would at least brag that she could. But even if not, I would have finished the job.


	11. Chapter 11 A Chat With Sam

A/N- Another long chapter. For any of you who have read 'Knights of the Morningstar', you'll see that I'm skipping a few scenes between Alia and Zoey. This is because those scenes were written from Alia's point of view already, albeit in third-person, and there's no way I could have improved on them. This conversation, however, is a very important part of the story, and was told from Sam's point of view in the book, so it's being re-written here from Alia's point of view. Random factoid- This conversation takes place in chapter eleven of 'Knights of the Morningstar'- same chapter we're on in this fic!

Disclaimer- The dialogue from this chapter does not belong to me. It belongs to Melanie Rawn, author of Knights of the Morningstar.

PippinDuck- Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you like this chapter too!

TesubCalle- Sorry about that! And I'm glad you picked up the reference to King Solomon. Hope this is a quick enough update for you, and thanks for reviewing!

Korean Pearl- No, Alia doesn't appear in the TV show too much. Sam is actually the main character of the series, and everything is shown from his point of view. Alia appears in 3 out of 97 episodes, and one novel based on the TV series. (The novel is where we are right now, it takes place between the first and second Evil Leaper episodes.) We see very little of her, and we have hardly any idea where she came from or what happened to her after the last episode she appeared in. We know nothing about the way her mind works except what we can glean from the onscreen dialogue, and a few chapters from Melanie Rawn's book which will not be included here. Because we know so little about Alia, she's the ideal character for a fan-fic. And this is the result!

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Chapter 11- A Chat With Sam

_I couldn't tell you why she felt that way, _

_She felt it everyday. I couldn't help her; _

_I just watched her make the same mistakes again. _

_What's wrong, what's wrong now? _

_Too many, too many problems. _

_Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs._

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home, _

_That's why she lies broken inside. _

_There's no place to go, no place to go, _

_To dry her eyes, broken inside._

- Nobody's Home, by Avril Lavigne

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Zoey showed up after the challenge had been issued. By this time, I was back in Cynthia's tent, hoping that I could relax for an hour or two before my inevitable confrontation with Sam. But of course, when am I ever allowed a rest?

Finally, toying with an idea I had given her, Zoey left. Settling back on the pillows, I picked up the pieces of glass Cynthia used to make her wind-chimes. It was a charming hobby, putting the pieces just right so they flowed together in the wind. I lifted the colored glass up to my eyes and looked around the candlelit tent through them. With each different color, the atmosphere seemed different. Yellow made it seem warm and comforting, almost like… no. I selected another color. Red. A color I knew only too well. Hurriedly I replaced it with blue, a calming color. Like the sky, or the ocean. Something that will go on no matter what happens.

It was during this moment of contemplation that he came to me.

The flap of the tent flew open and Sam stormed in, flustered.

"Sam," I said neutrally, holding his gaze. "I was wondering how long it would take you."

"Why are you here?" He demanded, strait to the point. "No…let me guess. Your artificial intelligence unit…"

"Lothos." I supplied, wincing inside but showing no outward reaction.

He nodded. "Lothos. He's been looking for me, hasn't he? So he could send you."

"Or someone else," I lied. I was the only Leaper, but Sam didn't know that.

"No, you." He started to pace, his boots scraping against Cynthia's rug. "There's some kind of link between us. I felt it last time, and I can feel it now."

"So can I, Sam," I stated, calm on the outside but shivering inside. This conversation was coming too close to home. I had to hide, had to seem like I was in control. "That makes you angry, doesn't it? That we're connected somehow. But are you angry with me or with yourself?"

He ignored that and continued to question about our Project. "Just tell me if I'm right. In order for you to get where I am, the person you Leap into has to be touching me." He continued to pace, and spoke too quickly, showing that he was tense. I could use that. "And when the touching happens, the physical link focuses your Leap. That must be how it happened last time."

"Considering your famous Swiss Cheese Theory, I must be difficult to forget. I'm flattered," I said, trying to distract him. He was onto something. Why hadn't Lothos predicted this would happen?

"Cynthia and I didn't touch until that moment…and you were there an instant later. That's how it works, isn't it, Alia?"

"It's an interesting theory," I admitted, not wanting to reveal anything I shouldn't.

"But that's how it works," he insisted.

"What's important is that we found you, Sam…just as Zoey and I promised Lothos."

"You're here for me. Not Phillip or Cynthia or Roger. Me."

I nodded, conceding the point. I couldn't lie my way out of this without him knowing. "We have that in common this time." I remembered what Zoey had told me…that Sam was frustrated with Leaping, that he had been talking to his hologram and griping about life. He had been convinced this Leap was about him, to help him fix a part needed to contain the electricity in the Accelerator, so that he could be brought home. I wasn't concerned about that, though. Whether he was here for himself or for Phillip, it didn't matter either way for my mission.

He stopped pacing, finally, and stared at me. "What do you mean?" But I could see that he knew.

"You're here for yourself, too, Sam. For your own life."

He stepped backward, a bit shaken. "What will you do?"

"I know who Phillip Larkin is…was," I corrected myself. "and what he invented. By the way, compared to Lothos, your Ziggy is quite inefficient." This was not entirely the truth. But as it has been said, the human brain is the most advanced computer there is…and Lothos' brain was magnified by computer technology. He wasn't, however, as advanced as I made him sound.

"I'll tell her the next time I see her," Sam snapped.

I thought of another way to get him flustered, and asked, "Don't you want to know how I know her name?"

"I must have told you," he said. But I could see he was unsure.

"Did you?"

He clenched his fists and looked as if he'd like to strike me. I wasn't afraid of him, though. Compared to Lothos, Sam's anger would be like a pat on the back.

"You've asked your Ziggy about me, haven't you?" I murmured. Not that she would find anything. Lothos had been quite efficient in erasing my life…only vital statistics were known on record, because he couldn't deny that I had ever existed. But he had made it seem as if I was dead, and removed as much information about me as was possible. Ziggy wouldn't have been able to find anything that could help her.

"You…" Sam choked out. He knew what I was talking about. Although Ziggy could find nothing out about me, I knew several things about Sam. Where he had gone to school, what degrees he held, and when he began Project Quantum Leap. I knew as much as was on public record, which was quite enough. And, right at this moment, I knew more about Sam than he knew about himself.

I was quick to point this out. "I know you, Sam. I know where you got all those doctorates, your favorite food, your mother's maiden name, that you played baseball…" I listed my information temptingly, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist. I wouldn't have been able to. I remembered next to nothing about my life before Leaping, thanks to Lothos. And I would have done anything to catch a spark of my identity again.

"Basketball," He blurted out. I looked at him, lost in my train of thought. He clarified. "I was on the basketball team…"

"Yes," I nodded. "But you also played baseball."

"So does every kid in the United States," he argued. "Easy enough deduction, Sherlock."

"Ask me, Sam. Ask me anything."

He looked away, then faced me. 'You could tell me anything for an answer, and I'd never know if it were true or not."

He had a point there. But I wasn't ready to concede that one yet. "You may or may not believe that I know all about you, Sam, but that doesn't really matter."

"What does matter, then?"

"If you'll ever see home again." I was barely able to get this out. I knew I would never see my home again, never live a normal life. And I couldn't offer one to Sam, even if I'd wanted to.

The words affected him too. He jerked involuntarily, and knocked into a set of wind chimes. He spoke angrily over the noise. "Is that why you're here? To keep me from going home?"

I laughed. "Oh, Sam!" Even after all those years, he still didn't get it? He still believed that Whatever was Leaping him around in time would let him go? "Don't you see? I don't even have to try."

"What does that mean?"

"Only that we'll keep running into each other…from time to time." I smiled at my wordplay. Not if I succeeded this time.

"You and Lothos will keep hunting me down, trying to stop me from doing what I have to do. Can't you think up a better way to spend your time?"

"Time isn't ours to spend," I reflected. "Think of it Sam. Think about how I find you, and what that means. You don't dare touch anyone during a Leap again, for fear I'll be there the next instant. You don't dare let anyone touch you. Not for love…or loneliness…or even to save a life."

"I'm not afraid of you," he insisted. That makes one of us. "You're not evil. Lothos is. Whatever it is he makes you do to people…you don't have to obey him, Alia! You can break free, you don't have to be a pawn…" No, I couldn't let him see that he had gotten to me. For he had.

I broke in with, "What about you? Can you break free? You're as trapped as I am. Neither of us will ever get home. All we have is each other."

"You're got Zoey," he pointed out. As if that was a lot. Yes, I had Zoey- someone who ordered me around and enjoyed teasing me, a person I couldn't even slap if I'd wanted to. Yes, I had Zoey, all right.

"And you've got your friend Al," I said. "You're only contact with home. Someone you can never touch." But at least Sam had a home, waiting for him somewhere. Even if I returned to my own time, I had no home. I bit my lip to keep from crying out. "What do Al and Zoey know about it, Sam? _They_ go home whenever they like. _They_ look in a mirror and see their own faces. _They_ don't have to be afraid that they'll never see home again."

I remembered how he had gotten to me last time, appealing to any light that might be left in me. He had found my weakness then, I was ashamed to admit it. Now I turned the tables on him, and searched for the darkness and despair that lurks within everyone- even within someone as noble and self-righteous as Sam Beckett.

"Sam…do you remember you? What you look like? Do you even know the color of your own eyes?" I asked. By the look on his face I knew he couldn't.

"I can't remember me," I whispered. It was a painful thing to admit. "I can't remember my own face."

"Alia…" He tried to cut in, tried to stop me, but I wasn't going to be stopped. No matter what, this had to be said. "You get tired, Sam. Just like me. You've told me so. But don't ever get angry? Don't you ever want to scream that you've had enough? There are times when I…" I recalled the time when the Leap had been too much. I was sent to kill a little girl named Sara. Only five years old, and yet she would have a big impact on the world. I had rebelled that time. _I won't do it!_ I had shouted at Zoey. _Not any more! I can't kill a little girl!_ But the pain had gotten to me, as it always did. And Sara's last image in life had been of her mother holding a gun to her head and whispering that she was sorry, but Sara had to die.

And there were other memories. I had been a prostitute, I had been beaten by an abusive husband, I had been sent to jail. In some Leaps I was treated like scum. And all for what?

I trembled violently at the memories. "I hate what's been done to me, Sam! All the things I endure at Lothos' whim…all I want is…"

"To go home," Sam finished, his voice edged with bitterness, like mine.

"Is it so much to ask?" I pleaded. "To be myself again? To be _Alia_, not some stranger…to see _my_ face in a mirror again?"

Sam backed away. I knew he felt it too, knew the pain and loneliness that came with Leaping were his as well as mine.

"Stop it," He said.

But I couldn't stop, not now. I rose from the bed and walked toward him, trying to make him understand. He backed away into some more wind chimes.

I reached out tentatively, and thought that all I would like at that moment was a hug, from someone, anyone, as long as they knew who I was and accepted me for me. Then I realized that Sam would not want to hug me, what had I ever done to deserve that? Nothing. But I still had to reach him.

"Only you and I can understand this, Sam. We're the only ones who know how it feels. Yes, we're linked…but do you know how strongly, and why?"

Yes. Why. I had debated this in my head over and over, trying to figure out why we had been placed together. And my mind had scrambled to the one thing that game me hope- maybe Sam could save me. And yet, after all I had done to him, I was sure he wouldn't want to. I began to cry at the hopelessness of it all.

"I'm sure of just one thing, Sam. You've helped so many other people…people you don't even know…and I know that somehow, someway, you'll be able to help me. We're linked for a reason. I have to believe that it's because you can set me free." I bit my lip, wondering if I should have said that, then burst out with, "You're the only one who can!"

He paled quickly, and asked, "By…my death?"

"No!" I exclaimed, and continued. "Zoey said killing you could be my way home. But she was wrong, Sam. You were right…if I destroyed you, I'd be destroying myself." Yin and yang. Two sides of the same coin. There is no way to fully remove one side of a coin without obliterating both. Even if one side is rubbed and scratched beyond repair, it still exists. Darkness cannot exist without light, because then what would there be to compare it to? And the same must go for light.

"You're me and I'm you, Sam Beckett. We know the same weariness, the same emptiness…we feel the same anger and resentment. We both want to go home. Just to go home. And they won't let us. We're too useful. Too good at what we do. But we never choose to do it, Sam…they choose for us! And they'll never let us go!"

He didn't want to hear it, but he knew I was right. He continued to back away until he stumbled, making chaos among the wind chimes.

"Alia…no…that's not…"

"They'll never let us go home," I whispered, and it was almost as if my saying it made it true. "You're my only home now, Sam. I'm the only person you can touch."

"Alia…"

As if he'd ever want a home with me. I flinched, realizing it. "I…I'm the last person in the world you'd want to touch, aren't I?" I wrung the nightgown between my crazed fingers. "But…Sam, don't you see? You don't dare touch anyone else!"

Suddenly it was if he had built up his reserve again, and he came forward instead of backing away. He gripped my shoulders tightly, and said "Alia…it doesn't have to be…I don't know how, but we can do something, we have to be able to _do_ something!"

He didn't understand. There was nothing I could do against the power and pain of Lothos, nothing. "How? When? Do you know what Lothos does to me when I fail?"

He shook his head mutely. Of course, how could he know? That was one thing we did not have in common- Sam was never punished when and if he failed. Did he ever?

"And even after he's done with me…" I recalled the tortured moments in the Holding Chamber, with agony pulsing through every vein, and I shuddered.

"Don't think about it," Sam advised. As if I could help it.

I bent my head, to keep from looking into his eyes as I spoke. I couldn't bear that anymore. "I'll always come back, Sam. You're touch will call me to wherever you are in Time. You can't escape me any more than I can escape you. And neither of us can escape what's been done to us."

"I don't believe that. I can't," he said, but he didn't sound so convinced.

I broke away from him, and rubbed my eyes clean of tears. "We're trapped. Forever. All we have is each other. I've accepted it. Perhaps you should, too."

"No. It's not true!" he cried.

I couldn't believe him. After everything I had pointed out, he still didn't believe me? I whirled to face him, angry that he couldn't see it, wanting to pound some sense into that optimistic head of his. "So you still cling to your delusion that one day you'll go home? What have they done to you, Sam, that you won't see what's so obvious? Why won't you believe me?"

"Because…because if I did…" He couldn't finish the thought, and escaped into the night. I cried after him.

"Sam!" But he was gone.

I collapsed onto Cynthia's cot, wiping my eyes. "Well," I said aloud, my voice quivering, "If Zoey were here, she'd ask me how much of that I actually believed…"

I couldn't take it anymore then. I fell down onto the pillow, weeping.


	12. Chapter 12 The Joust

A/N- Final chapter of the novel- we'll be moving on to the second episode soon enough. This chapter has more action than most, whee!

PippinDuck- You're welcome- I enjoyed writing it!

Korean Pearl- I'm glad you liked that line! (I can take credit for that one ;-) ) And this Leap actually never happened on-screen- these three chapters are from a novel based on the TV series, and I've taken it as canon. The whole chapter's dialogue occurred in the novel, but the scene was written from Sam's POV, so I felt free to re-write it from Alia's perspective and show why she might have said what she did.

Disclaimer- The dialogue from this chapter (except for Zoey's near the end) does not belong to me. It belongs to Melanie Rawn, author of Knights of the Morningstar.

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Chapter 12- The Joust

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors, _

_Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb. _

_Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold _

_Until you find it there and lead it back home. _

_Wake me up inside, wake me up inside _

_Call my name and save me from the dark. _

_Bid my blood to run, before I come undone, _

_Save me from the nothing I've become. _

-Wake Me Up Inside by Evanescence

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"Hello, darling!" Zoey caroled, popping in from the future. "The court is assembling…absolutely wild with excitement, and betting ten-to-one against Sir Percy…and that ridiculous herald person is about to blow his silly lungs out on that trumpet."

"I'm almost ready," I replied, finishing my hair. "Is Lothos ready? What does he say about my plan?"

"Exactly what he's been saying ever since you proposed it: interesting, possible, but difficult."

I had come up with the plan before my talk with Sam the night before, and even Zoey admitted it was brilliant. But, as Lothos said, it would be difficult. And if it worked, I would end up facing Sam on the battlefield. Zoey and Lothos expected me to kill him then, with the help of an especially lethal weapon I had bought that morning.

Unknown to Zoey and Lothos, I had a different outcome in mind.

"What about the other problem? The aura?" I asked, trying to take my mind off of the upcoming confrontation.

"Oh, didn't I mention that earlier?" Zoey giggled. "Lothos is perfectly fascinated. He and Thames have been discussing it all night. The theory so far is that because with the present configurations you and Beckett can see each other, the opposite will probably hold true. Fix your mascara, pet. It's flaking."

"So if Sam can't see me, I won't be able to see him, either?" I frowned as I redid my make-up. "That's not what I had in mind, Zoey. That's no help at all!"

"You'll have to work with what Lothos gives you. It was tough enough convincing him to even consider this other little trick. Thames was…and still is…skeptical."

I had to admit, it was something we had never done before. Leaping into another person in the same time might prove difficulties, and what's more, could only be done as long as Sam was touching the other person. Don't ask me why, I'm no physicist. But that was how it worked.

I straightened and draped a yellow length of chiffon over my elbows. "Thames has all the imagination of a gerbil," I stated acidly. But then again, that wasn't quite true. Thames could figure out a hundred different ways to make a person wish she were dead, a talent that Lothos respected him for, and which I despised.

Zoey smirked. "My, what a generous assessment! I'd have chosen something a bit lower on the evolutionary scale."

After glancing around the tent one last time, I started for the door. "I'm ready. I hope you and Lothos are."

"Alia, darling, this…"

"Had better work," I finished. "I know. I know! Come on."

---------------------------------------

"Why is he _laughing_?" Zoey hissed.

I shook me head wordlessly. I honestly had no idea. Sam had no reason to laugh; he was about to go head to head with a man probably five times as strong as he, and yet he was laughing. He even clapped Roger on the back as they approached the dais, looking as if he'd already won.

"Now?" Zoey asked.

"Not yet," I murmured. The plan depended on Sam being worn out from fighting Roger, and me being fresh. "Wait."

The two men bowed before the dais, and I made my way to stand beside the king and queen, for this fight was partially over me. I tried to catch Sam's eye, but he never even glanced my way.

"…terribly silly of them," the Queen was saying. "But I must admit it's rather exciting all the same. Frankly, my lady, I'm wondering why you let this go on."

I shrugged, and too late remembered I was supposed to be a lady addressing the queen. "With all respect, Your Majesty, do you think anything could have stopped them?"

The queen gave a rueful smile. "Proud as Lucifer, those two."

"How would _she_ know?" Zoey asked.

"And stubborn," I added.

The queen sighed. "Well, you're right, of course. They're angry and nursing a grudge, but they're also accomplished fighters who know the rules. I'm glad they're both using shields today, though."

"At my insistence," said a brown-clad noble seated directly behind the queen. "Better they should dent steel than skulls."

The queen half-turned to nod at the man. "Very wise of you, Duncan. But I don't think we need worry overmuch. Neither will be seriously hurt, though I do anticipate quite a few bruises." She laughed. "I trust, Lord Physician, that you have your poultices and potions ready. The stinkier the better, to teach them a lesson!"

"Eh, those two need a shrink, not a surgeon." Lord Duncan snorted, and the two went on about the strangeness of character between the men and writing a novel. Then the herald blasted on his horn, and the joust began.

The two men circled each other, and tested their opponent's strengths and weaknesses. Then Sam went on the offensive, forcing Roger to heft his shield up again and again, as the crowd went wild and the king cheered. I kept my mouth shut by biting my lip, but released it because Cynthia's lipstick tasted horrible.

Zoey stepped in front of me, blocking my view. "You'd better give me plenty of warning. Lothos says it might not be instantaneous. There's a possibility that it won't work at all. Alia, darling, do you really know what you're doing?"

Did I? I wasn't quite sure, but I had to convince Zoey. I glared at her instead of speaking, and shifted to the right so I could see. I watched as the men traded blow after blow. They'd be sweaty and hot. The chain mail weighed at least forty pounds, and it had to be as hot as an oven in those suits. It was surprising they could stand, let alone fight.

"Alia!" Zoey shouted, trying to get my attention. I was focused on Sam, who had begun to falter, but was I afraid for him or afraid he would lose too soon? I couldn't be sure. "Lothos has a lock!"

About time, I thought, but said nothing. Sam would have been in a lot more trouble, but at that moment, Roger skidded on a muddy patch of grass, and his shield went flying. He lost his balance and fell. Sam, being the chivalrous person he was, threw his own shield away as well and even offered a hand to help Roger.

This was what I had been waiting for. "Yes, yes, yes," I chanted under my breath. But Roger slapped the hand away and stood on his own. They began to fight again, but slowly and sluggishly, trying to regain strength.

"Alia!" Zoey exclaimed again. "It had better be soon! Lothos can't keep this lock on forever!"

It was soon. As the fighting resumed once more, before it got too deep Sam slid within Roger's guard and grabbed his sword arm for protection. He was probably trying to convince Roger to stop the madness now and do the rational thing.

"Now!" I cried. Zoey must have anticipated it, too, because the red swirled into my vision, and I was momentarily disoriented before I found myself again- this time encased in steel and sweating like a waterfall. Sam stood in front of me, once again gaping at my appearance.

I taunted him, enjoying his confusion. "I told you, Sam…you don't dare touch anyone again." And I attacked.

-----------------------------------------

Sam blocked the blow, but just barely, and I swept in again. Zoey popped in a few feet away, grinning like an idiot, and rambling something about how flabbergasted Thames would be.

"Nice work, Zoey!" I flung in her direction, between blows. "Give Lothos my compliments!" I swung at Sam's left thigh, laughing out loud. Inwardly, I was trying to work myself up to what I knew was coming next.

He blocked the blow, and the shock of it swept up and down my arms as I readied for another strike. We parried, again, and again. He stared into my eyes through the visor.

"What're you going to do, Alia?" He gasped. "Run my through? You won't kill me. You can't kill me. Whatever it is you want, you don't want to die."

My anger flared. "I want exactly what you want, Sam…to be free." And I wasn't going to find that freedom in life.

Sam understood my unspoken meaning, and I saw the pity on his face. If Zoey saw it, and understood as well, my personal plan could not be completed… "You make me sick," I spat, "you with you're self righteous nobility…"

"Was that for Zoey's benefit?" he guessed, and I gasped, afraid.

"What are you saying, darling?" Zoey demanded. "What does he mean?"

I didn't respond to her, but rallied nonetheless, saying, "Either you kill me or I kill you!" Either way we'd both die. And I'd be free…

"No, not that way!" Sam blurted out. "Neither of us has to die, Alia! I can help you, I know I can…"

"Alia," Zoey said dangerously, "I know what you're thinking. He's wrong! Do you remember what happened last time? Or are you still too weak to get the job done?"

"Stay out of this!" I cried. "I can take him!"

"Alia! Don't listen to her! Look at me, let me help you…"

But I barely heard him. I vaguely heard Zoey saying in the background, "Now, Lothos! Now!" And some of the holes in my brain were filled in.

---------------------------------------

_'Alia, I have a wonderful job now! You'll never guess who hired me. I can't believe I'm going to be working on this! Time-travel!'_

_'That's…that's amazing Renee! Who are you working for? Who's in charge?'_

_'It's a government Project, called Quantum Leap. I'm amazingly lucky to have been even considered for it. I'm going to be working on some of the less important mathematical equations.'_

_'Who did you say was in charge?'_

_'Oh, Allie, he's a genius. You must have heard of him- Doctor Samuel Beckett!'…_

'_Miss Heaton, I regret to inform you that all positions for this Project have been filled.'_

_'But…I could work as a secretary…'_

_'There just isn't any room.'…_

_'Zoey, dear. I'm Zoey.'_

------------------------------------

The onslaught of emotions left me swaying with dizziness- and anger. I'm not sure I've ever felt as much hatred for one person as I did for Sam at that moment. He had started the Project that had rejected me, what had forced me to become Lothos' pawn, he had done this to me…and I would make him pay. I would kill him.

Red seeped into my vision, red that was deeper and more terrifying than the sensation of Leaping, because if came from inside myself. I forgot where I was or what I was doing, I only knew that the creature in front of me had caused me pain and I would kill it for that. I parried and slashed and thrust with more strength then I had ever known I had. I gave ground, and my prey gave up ground, until we were near the fence. I lunged and the prey dodged, but knocked into the fence doing so.

Through my fury I heard a woman's voice calling, "Alia! The Morningstar! Use it now!"

The Morningstar? Yes. The weapon I had bought earlier.

I forced myself to will the redness away, to regain control- this was not the time or place for bloodlust. One mistake, and Sam would win. One mistake, and I would be in Lothos' and Zoey's power forever.

I let Sam knock my sword away and dove under the fence, grabbing the Morningstar I had placed there. Taking a breath, I smiled. "I bought you a present this morning, Sam."

I raised myself up to my knees and whirled the weapon over my head, faster and faster. I brought it down towards Sam's knee, and he barely dodged in time. The weapon struck the fence and splintered it.

"Nice moves, Alia!" Zoey crowed.

But I had meant to miss. I had a plan that Zoey didn't know, that Lothos didn't know. I was sick of them controlling everything in my life. I couldn't go on like this anymore, trapped in time, killing people… I wanted to die.

And I wanted to choose the manner of my death.

I would make Sam believe he was in mortal danger, and he would have to kill me to save himself. It would be poetic justice, I supposed. The man who had lead me down this path would end my life. I was too crazed and blind then to see the truth.

I jerked the Morningstar out of the fence and whirled it again, but then Sam got smart. He thrust the sword…not at me, but at the chain that held the Morningstar. At the same time he lashed out with his foot, kicking the arm that clutched the weapon. I shrieked from the pain and dropped the Morningstar as I collapsed.

Crazed with fear, frustration and pain, I groped for the weapon as Sam thrust himself on me, trying desperately to hold me down.

"Stop it, Alia! It's over!" he shouted. He managed to roll over and pin me underneath him, although I struck at him time and again.

I writhed, trying to get out of his grip. "You'll have to kill me to make it stop, Sam!" I screamed.

"Alia!" Zoey cried, horrified.

"That's not the way out!" Sam insisted.

"It's the _only_ way! If I die, I'm free…because you'll stay here and never Leap again! That's why I did it, Zoey…" A lie. I had no idea how Sam's Leaps worked. And certainly my death would mean a triumph for him…wouldn't it? It would be better for Zoey to believe me a hero for her instead of suicidal, though why I cared I couldn't say.

"Alia, I _can_ help you! Listen to me!"

"You're a fool, Alia, if you think you can fool Lothos with that lie," Zoey snarled. "You are much too valuable for death. And you have failed once again!"

Fear spurted through me and I tried desperately to redeem myself, I grasped Sam's throat and began to throttle him. He choked, gasping for breath, but I wouldn't let him have it. Maybe he would end up dead, or someone would come and kill me for trying to kill him…I didn't know. I just needed to do something. Anything.

_"Phillip!"_ Someone cried, and before I knew it I was knocked to the ground, gasping for breath.

Sam pulled my helmet off, and in a daze I heard him send Cynthia for a doctor.

I lay on the ground, unable to move. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to. Please, just let me rest, just a few more moments of peace before the world exploded. The sky was dazzlingly blue… why had I never taken the time to look at the sky before?

Sam bent over me, concerned. He was blocking the sky. That frustrated me, but there was nothing I could do. _Please, Sam, if you ever cared for me at all, you'd free me now. Death here, underneath the blue sky… it's all I ask for. All I want. Free me._

But I knew he wouldn't. He wouldn't, because he believed there was always a solution, always a way to make a happy ending. He wouldn't because we were too alike, and yet not alike… he couldn't kill himself any more than I had been able to. He wouldn't.

I swallowed a few times before I could talk. "Sam?"

"Here, Alia." He cleared his throat. "I'm here."

He stared down at me, and I felt that maybe he saw into my soul. I sank back onto the grass. Lothos would kill me now. I was sure of it. But I no longer feared death.

"Idiot!" Zoey spat as she punched the hand-link furiously. "How could you think he would kill you? Him, in all his noble self-righteousness?"

I ignored her. "Stupid," I whispered. "Should've known. I can't even die."

"How could you ever think I'd kill you?" Sam asked incredulously.

I gave a half-smile. "That's what Zoey just said. I'm sorry, Sam."

"You don't have to die to be free of Lothos, Alia. There's another way. There has to be." He sounded so convinced. But even those who had convinced themselves could be wrong.

"That's something Zoey would never say." I became serious, as I heard Zoey yelling in the background, calling for Lothos to pull me out. Zoey would never understand. But Sam might. "Do you understand? Do you know why, Sam?"

"Yes," he nodded. And I could see it in his eyes. He understood. That reminded me of something.

I reached up to touch his face, and smiled. "Sam? Your eyes…they're green."

He blinked away the tears. "Yours…yours are blue, Alia. And beautiful…"

I remained smiling even when I felt the redness seeping over me, and my master claimed me once again.


	13. Chapter 13 Return of the Good Leaper

A/N- Finally! Onto the next episode, Return!

Korean Pearl- Thank you! As for Alia's fate, you'll have to read on to see what happens to her.

PippinDuck- Thanks! I hope you like this chapter!

TesubCalle- You didn't really think I'd end it there, did you? No, we have a long way to go. So stick with us!

Same disclaimer applies.

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Chapter 13- Return of the Good Leaper

_Open your eyes, and look outside, _

_Find the reasons why you've been rejected, _

_And now you can't find what you've left behind. _

_Be strong, be strong now, too many too many problems, _

_Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs._

-Nobody's Home, by Avril Lavigne

-------------------------------------------

I thought I would die. I _wished_ for death. I would have done anything to end the pain that ensued in the following weeks, months, years? I had no idea how long it lasted. My mind was scrambled over and over again; every nerve ending was on fire. But this was not news to me. I had felt it once before, when I had failed to kill Sam.

But they gave me one last chance. As Zoey put it, "Third time's a charm. But you don't get a fourth chance."

Maybe if I had resisted once again I would have been killed. But now that the pain was gone, I couldn't bring myself to risk it again. I wept until there were no more tears left in me, but I continued to obey Lothos. Like a whipped and broken cur, I was at his beck and call.

Zoey gave up on finding Sam. She didn't want to risk me crumbling again, and Lothos must have agreed with her. There were no more searches for Doctor Beckett.

In the end, we didn't have to look. He found us.

----------------------------------------------

Another leap. Another assignment. Another life to destroy.

I felt weary when the red light finally left me, but quickly tried to cover it. I pushed the feeling away. Weakness only gave me pain, and my entire life was spent trying to avoid that. I couldn't afford to feel anything.

"Oh, uh, actually, the car was still stopped when I jumped," said a young man in a nerdy-looking tie. He must have seen my Leap-in confusion because he asked, "Are you all right?"

I was still unsure of what to say, but was saved from answering when the jock next to me answered, "She's fine. Her only problem is she can smell your dirty socks, Arnold. Right baby?"

I found my voice. "Yeah, right." Then, wondering if that had been the wrong thing to say, I asked, "Uh, what were you saying, Arnold?"

He smiled forcefully. "Never mind. It's nothing. Nice to meet you."

I nodded. "Yeah, it was nice meeting you too."

"Here you go," he said, handing a paper to the boy beside me.

"He's so modest, it's cute," I remarked, hoping I was acting the right way.

"Cute? He's a twerp, look at his clothes. Hey, you got wheels, Arnold?"

A younger boy beside Arnold spoke up. "Yeah, yeah, sure he does! A Studebaker, right?"

"Look, I hate to break this up, but we gotta get to class," Arnold said, walking away.

"Yeah, you get back to class, Arnold, but put this in your twisted little head. I'm holding you personally responsible for getting us in trouble with the Dean."

He turned back around for one moment. "Yeah, well twist on this, pal. You wanna know who's responsible, look in the mirror."

The jock next to me glowered. "I'm gonna kill him, I swear I'm gonna kill him!"

"Cool it, Mike," his friend advised. "If anything happens to little Arnold, we'll get our butts kicked out of here faster than you can say expelled."

"What, we're just supposed to let this happen?"

"The Dean, remember? There's nothing else we can do!"

"Guess what, we're here, darling. Lothos says we're dealing with some Woody Allen type! Perfect job for a Homecoming Queen," Zoey said, stepping through the Door. She took a look around us. "Oh, Frat Boys. My favorite college subject."

I glanced at them suavely. "Yes, there is."

"Yeah, what? What do you wanna do?"

"How do you think the Midnight Marauder would feel if he suddenly became very close friends with the Homecoming Queen?" I asked, taking my cue from Zoey's remark.

"Go on," Mike said, intrigued.

"And then the Homecoming Queen tells the nerd it was all a big joke."

"Where?"

"Someplace public, like, a Homecoming Rally, so the whole college can see."

Mike's friend dug his elbow into him. "Yeah, and if he doesn't jump out a window he'll drop out for sure!"

"I opt for the window," Zoey remarked cheerfully.

"It's a new you," Mike said, reaching out for me. "I love the way you think."

I came forward and rested in his arms, wondering when this would all be over.

-----------------------------------------------

Holding my books to my chest, I wandered into the library, searching for Arnold. Zoey thought my plan was marvelous, but she was hoping for a little more…something like his death. I told her coyly that if she could figure out a way to kill him without getting me kicked out of college, I'd be happy to oblige.

Surprisingly, the person I was seeking stood up and actually waved me over.

"This seat's not taken," Arnold called.

"Really?" I said, unable to hide my surprise. Not surprise at the fact the seat wasn't taken- not too many people would want to sit with Arnold Watkins- but because he actually had the courage to ask me to sit by him. Although, if you think about it, jumping on top of a moving car is much more dangerous than talking to a girl…

"Yeah."

He jumped up and held the chair out for me, then turned around to get in his own seat. I looked at him with new interest; no one had ever done that for me before.

"Thanks," I said. Then, "I'm sorry Mike was such a jerk today."

"Oh, its not your fault."

"Most of the time he's really sweet," I told him, wondering if this was the truth. "He only acts macho when it comes to his fraternity."

Arnold was confused. "Macho?"

Inwardly I grimaced. I had used a word that wasn't used in this time period. I quickly covered, saying, "Yeah, I learned it last summer in Spain. It means manly, masculine…macho."

Arnold grinned. "Yeah, well he sure likes acting 'macho' when he's out chicken racing with his buddies, doesn't he."

"You're not kidding me."

"Have you ever tried to talk him out of it?"

I rolled my eyes. "He doesn't listen to me, I'm just his 'girl'."

"Oh, right, it's the fifties," Arnold said under his breath.

Now it was my turn to be confused. "Huh?"

He looked like he'd just got caught stealing the cookies out of the cookie jar, and was trying to cover. "I've just got this feeling that someday, men will be much more receptive to what women think. You know, someday."

I smiled, wondering how he had been able to predict that. "That's nice. I'm glad someone thinks that." I paused, then said, "Mike is so mean to you. Why do you care about him?"

He grinned again. "The Midnight Marauder cares about everyone."

"You mean, Arnold Watkins really cares about people."

"Right." He sighed. "Everyone needs caring for."

I thought hard. It seemed I'd had this conversation with someone before, maybe in a Leap I'd forgotten…"You remind me of someone."

"Clark Kent?"

I laughed. "Don't sell yourself short! I, I can't place it. But I think it's wonderful the way you help people."

"Thanks," he murmured, looking at the table.

I changed the subject, wondering how I was going to be able to get us together. "I wish someone would rescue me from my biology midterm. It's not exactly a job for the Midnight Marauder, but…"

"Don't say that, maybe it is. I'm pretty good at science."

"Really?" I cocked my head at him, thinking of something. "Tell you what. I have a little 'pull' with Mike. If you help me with my biology midterm, I'll talk to him and see if I can't convince him and the Ki Chappas to find some safer form of initiation."

He smiled. "You got yourself a deal!"

"Seven o'clock, my dorm? Tonight?"

"It's a date."

"Great!"

We both stood up at the same time, reaching to shake hands, when Arnold knocked the pile of books over.

"Sorry," he gasped, bending down to pick them up. "Sorry, I…"

"It's okay," I laughed. "See you at seven."

-------------------------------------------

Zoey popped in later that night, and as I began to put on my makeup, she began to get anxious.

"Where is he?" She seethed.

"He'll be here," I assured her.

"Nerds are nothing if not punctual," Zoey ground out.

"Would you relax?" I snapped. "I guarantee that within five minutes I'll have Arnold's slide-rule fully extended."

"That's my girl," Zoey said.

I gazed in the mirror at Dawn's reflection, noting that she was prettier than I. I felt only a tad jealous, in some Leaps I had been uglier than myself. It was nice to be pretty for a change. Even so, I would have traded places with her in a snap, just to be myself again.

Just then, Zoey's hand-link went berserk, beeping and spewing data everywhere. She glanced at it, then looked a second time. "Darling, you won't believe this. Your dream-date is back at roads-end messing things up again!"

I stared at her. What? He knew we had a date; he should have been here, not at the races…what was going on? Angrily I thrust down my nail file and huffed out the door, wondering what had gotten into Arnold.

---------------------------------------------

I drove to the roadblock as quickly as I could. There were several cars parked at the end, and many young men were holding torches. They appeared to be standing in a circle around a boy in a red cape and hat- Arnold. And they didn't seem too pleased.

Zoey was waiting as I pulled up. "I smell blood here," she told me.

I got out of the car, running my hand along the edge of it as I made my way to the circle. I never got there.

"You mean, Jack's not in any danger?" Arnold asked, his gaze sliding over to his left, where nobody was standing.

"The only one in danger is you, Bozo!" Mike growled.

"Why didn't you warn me?" Arnold hissed. Then, "You gotta figure me a way out of this fast, Al."

_No, not again…oh, please, God, no…_

Zoey took a step back. "Did I here that right?" She consulted her hand-link. "Lothos?…Oh, its _him_."

I shook my head, my eyes widening. "It can't be!"

As the circle of teens closed in on him, 'Arnold' dashed for the bushes, leaving me with no one but a raging hologram for company.

"Your little 'Arnold the Dweezil' is none other than Dr. Samuel Beckett!"


	14. Chapter 14 Planning

A/N- Some missing dialogue between Zoey and Alia shows up in this chapter, as well as an entire thinking scene for Alia. Please review!

PippinDuck- Thanks so much for reviewing! And more original scenes are coming, I promise!

Disclaimer-All the dialogue, except for the bit between Zoey and Alia that was not in the show, belongs to Belisarius Productions and Don Belisario.

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Chapter 14- Planning

_Her feelings she hides, _

_Her dreams she can't find, _

_She's losing her mind, _

_She's falling behind, _

_She can't find her place, _

_She's losing her faith, _

_She's falling from grace, _

_She's all over the place. _

_She's lost inside, lost inside._

–Nobody's Home, by Avril Lavigne

--------------------------------------

I made my way back to the women's dorm, slamming the door behind me. Zoey was waiting. I closed my eyes briefly, wishing that Zoey would leave me in peace. But I had no hope of that. "You know, Lothos is not too pleased with your prior performance concerning Dr. Beckett," she said. _That's the understatement of the year._

I threw my coat down on my bed. "Then why did he send me here?" I demanded.

"Seems to be as much of a surprise to Lothos as it is to us," she informed me.

"He's supposed to know everything."

"He does," Zoey assured me. "Dr. Beckett's appearances follow the 'Random Event Theory'."

I almost laughed. Of course. Anything Lothos couldn't predict was obviously a random event, or so the theory said.

"It's just a fantastic stroke of luck," she continued. _Some luck._ "Or, maybe a little test to see if you've improved."

I glared at her. "Just tell me my mission," I said, my voice quavering.

"Oh, don't tell me, after all you've been through you still…"

"Just tell me!" I snapped. "I'm supposed to kill him, right? I'm supposed to blow his brains out?" It took all my strength not to break down crying. But to cry in front of Zoey was a death sentence.

"'Fraid not, darling. Seems you weren't too successful with the gun last time. Maybe a grenade, or a flamethrower?"

_Or a Morningstar…_

"Zoey, just tell me!" I pleaded. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, to get on with whatever I had to do, to bury myself in apathy, to not care. But whenever Sam was involved, the wounds would reopen, and the pain would start again…

"Lothos hasn't decided," she admitted. "But whatever you do, Beckett must not know that you are here. So you may _not_ touch him." She eyed me critically. "Pity."

I swallowed, then took a deep breath. "I understand."

"Do you?"

"I said I _understand_, Zoey!" I yelled.

Taken aback, Zoey punched the hand-link. "Alright, darling, no need to get huffy." She paused, then said, "Lothos says there is still a way we can win this one."

"Oh, really? How?"

"Get Beckett to race against Mike tomorrow."

"What?" Her statement surprised me. "He'll never fall for it. He's tried to stop the races!"

She smiled demurely. "I never said it would be easy. But I'm sure you'll think of something. Goodnight."

As the Door through time shut, I fell back on the bed with a cry. I stared up at the ceiling wondering how I would survive this. Did I want to survive it?

I had to do something. This couldn't go on forever, I couldn't keep battling Sam through every decade of my life! It was mentally challenging, physically taxing, and emotionally painful. I couldn't go on like this.

_You have to kill him._

What? I sat up from the bed, staring over at the mirror, where Dawn's startled expression met my gaze. The voice had come from there.

_You have to kill him this time._

I let out a high-pitched cry that could have passed for a laugh or a wail. On top of everything, was I now schizophrenic, too?

_You have to destroy him._

I can't.

_You must._

**_If you don't follow through, you'll prove you're a failure!_**

_If you kill him, the pain will go away. You won't have to deal with him anymore._

I'll have to death with the memory of his death!

_You'll forget about it the next time you Leap. You'll Swiss-cheese._

_**You can't afford to fail again.**_

I can't!

_Rid yourself of pain._

_**Rid yourself of failure.**_

I'm not evil! I won't listen to you! I have to do the right thing!

_You did the right thing and it gave you more pain than you ever imagined._

**_You have the ability to dominate. Prove it!_**

I rolled over on my bed, in tears. Leaping had splintered me; I was no longer one person. I was a sea of voices, crying out, begging me to do the right thing, or to do what was best for myself. Amidst this sea of voices Alia was drowning. And I couldn't save her. I couldn't do anything. I wasn't even sure what I should do anymore.

**_You know what you have to do._**

_You know what you will do._

It was hopeless, I knew. The debate was pointless. I would end up listening to Zoey and Lothos, or I would pay dearly for it. And I had no intention of paying, ever again.

-------------------------------------

The next day, I woke up, showered, and shoved all troublesome thoughts away. I would do what I had to do. Nothing had happened last night. Nothing.

During breakfast, I came up with a very shaky plan. Zoey had told me that I had to get Mike and Sam to race each other. Well, fine. Mike would just have to challenge 'Arnold'. Hopefully Sam would take the bait, the way he had with Roger. Yes, he might die. And all without me lifting a finger, or a gun.

I could live with that.

I walked into the library, searching for Mike but not trying to look like I was. Fortunately, he was there. "Hey, baby, right here," he called, patting the seat next to him.

I brushed past him, snapping, "Let go of me."

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, confused.

"Nothing," I murmured.

"Hey, where'd you disappear to last night? I tried to call you."

"I had a study date," I informed him, "Or did you forget?"

"I didn't forget. But that was before your 'date' tried to bust up our initiation."

"I know, I was there." I taunted him. "It was hilarious watching you plow through the bushes looking for him, with Arnold safely curled up in my backseat."

Mike stood up, staring in anger and shock at me. He grabbed me by the arm.

"Get your hands of me," I snarled.

"This is me, baby," he protested. "Mike, your guy."

"My _ex_-guy," I snapped. The library hushed, then started to whisper.

"Don't tell me you're hot for that wimp!" Mike growled.

"Oh, you'd be amazed, Mike. A man's performance on the basketball court has nothing to do with his performance in bed." That really gave the library something to talk about.

Sam picked exactly the wrong time to walk in, clutching his books. Mike glared at me, then at him. He walked purposefully over towards Sam, leaning against the counter.

"Congratulations, stud," he snarled.

Sam looked utterly confused. "What did I do now?"

"I don't know, I don't know, Arnold, just what _did_ you do?"

"Nothing!"

"Right."

I walked over to them, gazing at Sam. "Don't be so modest, Arnie," I told him.

Both men looked at me in shock. "Arnie?" Mike said, unbelieving.

I shook my head slowly, never wavering. "I'm not ashamed of what we did."

Mike was really ticked off by this point. He grabbed Sam by the collar and yanked him up against the wall. "That does it, dweebo, I want you today. At the quarry. An hour. And bring your wheels!"

"Look, if you want commit suicide, that's your problem," Sam said, struggling to escape.

"That's not what you said last night," I interjected. "You said that Mike and his friends were just playing a bunch of crazy kids games. That they had no idea what real danger was like."

Mike glared. "I'll show you danger. The quarry. An hour." He left fuming his way out the door.

Sam stared at him in confusion, then turned back to me. I tried to move away, but he was too fast…he grabbed me by the arm. "Dawn, what's going on?"

I didn't have to answer him. The touch removed the aura that most people would see around us, when we had Leaped. Sam saw me for who I truly was, and I…I saw him again. Up until now I had been seeing Arnold. Arnold I could bear. But not Sam…not his face, his voice, not again…

"Oh my God!" he whispered. "Alia?"

"I don't have a choice, Sam!" I said, desperately, and twisted out of his grasp. I ran for the shelves, hoping to hide myself, wishing, for once, that I was not Alia. But he knew who I was, and dashed after me. "Alia!"

I began to breath hard, not sure whether it was from shock or from running from Sam. "You don't understand!" I cried. "They tortured me. Let me go, Sam."

"It really is you," he said, in wonder.

"Let me go!" I begged.

"I saw you die!"

"It was worse than death," I gasped. "Please, Sam, let me go." I had to get out of here, had to run away, I couldn't face him again…

But he had me up against the bookshelves, and I couldn't leave. "Not until you tell me why you're here," he said, looking concerned.

"I can't," I said anxiously. "Please don't make me go through that kind of pain again. Please!" _Save me…help me…_

"It's Arnold, isn't it," he whispered. "Isn't it?"

I took a deep breath, realizing something. "You saved him, didn't you."

"And now you're here to change that," he realized.

My voice quivered as I said, "He has to die."

"How's what's her face- Chloe?"

"Zoey."

"Zoey. Is she here?"

"No," I told him, looking frightfully around. I began to panic. "But she could be here any second, and then if she sees me talking to you she'd tell Lothos and then…"

He pressed harder on my shoulders, meaning to calm me. "I'm not gonna let you go away again!"

"You don't have a choice!"

"Yes I do," he insisted, "and so do you." I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I hadn't had a choice since the day I signed my life away to Lothos.

"You said that last time, and look where I am now!"

"Listen to me! Maybe we can Leap out of here together," he said, and I wondered if I'd heard him correctly. Leap together? Was that even possible? And what would Zoey do if she knew I had been collaborating with the enemy…_Is he really your enemy? Has he ever tried to harm you?_

No. But Zoey had.

I shook my head. I wasn't thinking straight. "What?"

He looked at me intently, a gleam forming in his eyes. "Maybe if we're close, if we're holding onto each other when I Leap, then just maybe, because we're the same, maybe we can Leap together, and you can leave Lothos behind forever."

I shook my head again, panicking once more. "No!"

"Yes, why not?"

He didn't understand. Lothos knew everything! "No, no, no, Zoey will know, Lothos will know, they'll know!"

"No, we'll just be careful," he told me. "Look, I can't give you all the details but Al's working with Arnold right now. And when he's done, I should Leap."

"Should?"

"Yes, and what was your plan? I mean, how were you going to kill me- Arnold?"

"I don't even know," I admitted. "Zoey doesn't trust me. All I know is that I'm supposed to get you to drag-race Mike at the cliffs." My heart pounded. Was I really going to do this? Zoey would kill me now, if she ever found out…so then I really had nothing to lose, did I? I didn't know. Did I even want to go back with Zoey? Of course not! But what Sam was proposing sounded so insane, I wasn't sure I could do it…

"Alright, then we'll just play along. I mean, if I have to drag race I'll drag race. Or I'll talk 'em out of it, whatever. Until Al shows up." I looked at him, amazed. All I had ever tried to do for him was kill him, and he was willing to risk his life for me? I would never in a million years understand that. What kind of a person puts his friends…his _enemies_…before himself?

"Well, how long will that be?" I asked, worried.

"I don't know. But soon."

I looked at the ground; it all seemed so hopeless.

"Alia…" He took my chin in his hands. "You have to trust me. It'll work. I'll Leap, and you'll go with me."

He pulled me into a comforting embrace, and I wanted to smile. So maybe I was worth touching after all. I had gotten the hug I had wanted, and deep inside, had desperately needed.

As he put his arm around my shoulders to lead me out of the library, I thought of something that chilled my hopes. "Sam?"

"Hmm?"

"What if I Leap first?"

Neither of us could bear to answer that question.


	15. Chapter 15 Escape

A/N- This is the last chapter covering 'Return', we're on to Revenge next. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed!

PippinDuck- A lot of people seem to like that line! Thank you!

Korean Pearl- Yeah, I was surprised that she didn't pick up on the slips either, but that was the way it went in the episode and I'm trying to keep strictly to canon. And yes, that scene appeared in the original series… you can hear it online through the link I gave you in chapter nine. It's in the episode guide for 'Return', and is titled 'Audio from this episode.' But the line you referred to occurred in Alia's thoughts, and is therefore entirely my own. And let me just say that you will probably like this chapter, based on your past reviews- tell me what you think!

TesubCalle- :-) Well, if you've scene the episode you know what happened. If not, you should definitely watch it- you can see it on the sci-fi channel on November 17. Revenge is showing on November 20. And as to what happens after Revenge- that's going to be entirely my own creation. Thanks!

Disclaimer- All the dialogue, except for the bit between Sam and Alia at the beginning, belongs to Belisarius Productions and Don Belisario.

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Chapter 15- Escape

_I tried to kill the pain, _

_But only brought more._

_Am I too lost to be saved_

_Am I too lost?_

-Tourniquet, by Evanescence

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After we left the library, Sam and I parted, in case Zoey showed up. But she didn't. I spent the afternoon in my dorm room, feeling sick with worry and anticipation.

Sam came to pick me up in 'his' Studebaker. I eyed it critically.

"It'll never work," I told him.

"Of course it will, it has to," He protested.

"Not the plan, the car!"

"What?"

I sighed. "If we're really going to go through with this, my car will work better. It's in better shape."

He began to protest, then stopped. "Okay, fine. Your car it is."

As I settled into the passenger seat, I looked toward him nervously. "Of course, the plan might not work either. And if it doesn't…" I trailed off, thinking about the horrors I would endure once more.

He put his arm around me again. "It'll work."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Liar."

He just grinned and put the car in gear. I smiled, to try and ease the tension, but the knot in my stomach couldn't have been sliced through with a sword.

When we pulled up to the quarry, the first thing Mike said to us was, "Where's your Studebaker?"

I glared at him, exasperated. What was wrong with my car? "This car's just fine."

"Tell them that you've _ever_ been in a race, Arnold," Mike challenged.

"More then one," Sam answered.

Mike glanced around, then gestured to me. "And what about you, you're just here to make sure everything's fair?"

"In love and war, right?" I stared back into his eyes, daring him to ay anything more. He glared at me and walked away. I took the opportunity to try and talk Sam out of it. "Sam, this is insane," I pleaded. "You'll die, I'll Leap…"

"It'll work," he murmured.

"It'll never work!"

Suddenly I heard the sound of the Imaging Chamber Door open. I stiffened as I realized Zoey was coming. She'd see Sam, retrieve me, and I'd die.

Sam caught my reaction. "Zoey?" he mumbled.

I nodded, barely perceptible. Sam turned around and began to walk away, so that his back was to my hologram.

"I've been watching you all day," Zoey informed me.

I tried for a nonchalant voice. "You have?"

"Um-hum. You get a B+ for Mr. Fraternity over there."

I took a deep breath. "Only a B?"

"Well, now, let's see." She consulted her hand-link gleefully. "Snotty boy gets caught cheating on a final, he gets expelled from college, and even his own daddy won't employ him. Oh, isn't that special! Makes you wonder what _really_ happened." She glanced hungrily at Sam. "But now for the _real_ target. Dr. Beckett."

Sam closed the car door after checking the gears and turned to Mike. "Would it be possible for us to see the drop off where this takes place?"

"Why would you need to?" Mike looked at us suspiciously.

"Just curious."

Mike shrugged. "Okay, let's humor the dweeb."

He walked us over to the drop off. It was fenced off by danger signs. Down below I saw the lake, littered with beer cans and dead sticks which the frat boys must have thrown down there after initiations.

"Well, you've seen it. Let's get on with this thing," Mike said impatiently, turning to jog away. Sam hurried to catch up to him.

"I don't suppose there are any rules to this insane game?"

"You better open up those Dumbo Ears, Arnold, 'cause I'm only gonna explain this once. Stay with me, 'cause it's pretty complicated. First, we say _go_, then we _drive_ as fast as we can up to this little white line, then the first person to hit the breaks loses. Now, was that clear enough for you or do you want me to break it down again?" His 'brothers' tittered.

"You've got about 30 yards between the line and the edge of the cliff," Sam observed.

"Yeah, give or take."

"Give or take what?"

"Twenty." This caused the frat boys to laugh even louder than before.

"You mind telling me how you plan to stop the car between this line and the edge of the cliff?"

"Well, duh! Never though about that one before. Anyone a physics major, here? Uh, let's see- speeding object, sixty foot drop, Newton's Law of gravity, I think you can figure it out from there. Any more questions?"

"Yeah, just one."

"What's that?"

"How did a jerk like you get to be president of anything?"

The crowd murmured again, surprised that anyone would dare take on Mike. Mike glowered at Sam. "Let's drag, geek!" The frat club cheered and hollered, dashing for their cars as Mike jumped into his.

Sam sighed and moved to get into our car. "Al, I need you now."

"Your beloved Admiral isn't here, Beckett," Zoey spat. "This time, you face your Maker alone."

"Get in the car, dirt-ball," one of the frat boys shoved at Sam.

"Oh, this is so beautiful!" Zoey exclaimed. "I'm going up for a better view." She popped out of my immediate area and reappeared on a mountaintop with a good view of the race. I eyed her up there nervously. She was farther away, so she couldn't hear me talk to Sam…had she planned it this way, to lure me into a false sense of security? I would never know.

"Forgot something," Sam announced.

"What's that?" spat Mike. "How to use the brake?"

"The stakes." Sam raised his voice so that everyone at the quarry could hear. "If I win, the Chi Kappa's have to promise to stop these stupid races as a part of their initiations." He stared levelly at Mike. "Do we have a deal?"

Mike grinned and folded his arms behind his head. "I'll have to ask my brothers."

"I guess I misunderstood, I thought you could make that kind of decision yourself, but I guess I was wrong." Sam turned to leave.

"Wait, wait a minute!" called Mike. He wouldn't pass up a chance to prove his power. "Alright, you got a deal." He reached down to start his car, grinning snidely. "One I'll never have to keep."

As Mike pulled away towards the starting line, Sam and I entered the car. My hands fluttered nervously, I couldn't seem to keep them under control. Sam got into his seat, then stiffened, and turned around to face empty air.

"Say hello to Al," he said finally.

My heart jumped. Whoever this 'Al' was, he had seen me try to kill his friend- twice. And he might not be as forgiving as Sam was. But I was more concerned with whether Sam would be Leaping or not. I jerked towards Sam. "He's here? Did he do it?"

"I'm taking Alia with me, Al," he said steadily, looking as if he were trying very hard to ignore something. Resolutely, he pulled ahead, so that he was in line with Mike, and we were once more assaulted with the cheers and jeers of the fraternity. I glanced nervously at Mike, and wondered if this would be the last ride of my life.

A cheerleader swung a bandanna around her head, once, twice, three times, then let it drop. Mike accelerated and the race was on.

At first the cars seemed a pretty even match, although ours was a bit behind Mike's. He swerved, trying to drive us off the road, but Sam stabilized the car. "Did you convince Arnold to stop risking his life?" He demanded.

I looked out at the countryside that was flashing by, and felt a little queasy. I turned fearfully back to the inside of the car and asked, "What's going on? What's Al saying?"

"He 's saying, uh, that everything's going to work out just fine."

"You're lying," I said flatly. As a practiced liar, I knew how to recognize a bad lie when I heard it.

"I can't, Al," Sam stated. "If I do that, Zoey will tell Lothos and they'll Leap her out of here, and I'll lose her forever!"

I wondered fleetingly why Sam was so concerned about me. If he lost me forever, it would be good for him, right? He would never have to fight me anymore; his job would be easier. Yet I knew I couldn't let him lose me. I knew now that if I did, I'd spend the rest of my life regretting it.

"She did, and that's the whole point! I'm taking her with me."

The cars swerved down the road, with the frat people roaring from behind us.

"What are the odds of Arnold's survival, Al?" Sam demanded of his hologram. "Just tell me!" He shouted, when it appeared Al hadn't answered.

"Now what's he saying?" I asked, frightened.

"Five more percent and we're out of here." His concentration tightened on the road, he was afraid to look away.

I felt my stomach contract, and I realized if this failed, he would die too. I cried out desperately, "Sam, you owe me nothing!" Even if he wanted to, though, he couldn't have stopped our course now.

"What are we at now, Al?" And then, "I need a hundred percent!"

"Sam, the line!" I shouted, as we neared the white line that marked our doom.

"Alia, the brakes are gone. We have to bail. Ready? Now!"

In that split second, I knew I trusted him. We flung open our doors and fell out of the car. I hit my head on the pavement when I came down. Fuzzily I heard Mike's car brake, and our car plunge over the cliff, splashing faintly in the distance. I smiled dizzily. We had won, hadn't we? Mike had been the first person to slam on the brakes; we had never touched them. And we had survived.

I heard Sam's voice in the distance. "Alia!" I felt him as he turned me over, checking me for harm, but it was too late. Zoey was here.

"Beckett, no!" I heard Zoey cry. "_No!_ Lothos! Pull Alia out, now!"

I felt the tinge of red sweep over me, but there was nothing I could do about that now. Faintly I hoped Sam was smart enough to stay away from me.

"Al?"

Then, very faintly, crackling, I heard a voice I didn't recognize. "99.4 Sam, .5, .6, fight back Sam!"

The burning red flames began to meld with a cooling, blue energy, one I had never felt before.

I felt the red begin to melt away, as the blue drenched it, overwhelmed it. Vaguely I heard Zoey's voice, snarling, "I will kill you myself, Alia!" _Kill me?_ I wondered. _Zoey, you killed me already. I began dying as soon as I met you. My death came when I stepped into the Accelerator. There is nothing worse you can do to me now._

".7!" Cried the unknown voice.

"Hang on!" cried Sam, clutching me tightly.

".9…Bingo! 100 percent."

The red fire I had always known was washed away in the blueness.

I felt…not pain, not fear, but joy! Happiness, comfort, things I couldn't ever remember feeling. Things I never thought I could feel.

The blue light overwhelmed me then, and I truly Leaped.


	16. Chapter 16 Hypnosis

A/N- Woo-hoo! Onto Revenge, and we're that much closer to being out of the series and into my world… yay. Hope everyone likes this chapter!

PS- I am soooo frustrated with the number of times Sam says 'All right' in the last part of the scene, it looks horrible in writing. But it's what he did on the show, so bear with me here!

Korean Pearl-Wow, I'm glad you're so enthusiastic about the story! And in response to your e-mail, she isn't exactly away from Lothos and Zoey… yet. About your Maya stories: how long are they going to be on hiatus? I still want to know what happens to her and the Nadar! (AsI remarked earlier, 'nadar' means 'swim' in Spanish. Is there some reason for this?)

PippinDuck- Thanks! As for Alia hearing Al, I figured the scene wouldn't be the same without his voice counting down in the background, as that's what made it so dramatic. So I figured Alia hit her head, and that somehow enabled her to hear Al for a short period of time. But really I just wanted that in there… heh.

Disclaimer- All the dialogue (except for two small extra sentences by Sam and Alia) belongs to Belisarius Productions and Don Belisario.

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Chapter 16- Hypnosis

_All the pain I thought I knew, _

_All the thoughts lead back to you, _

_Back to what was never said, _

_Back and forth inside my head. _

_I can't handle this confusion, _

_I'm unable, come and take me away._

–Take Me Away, by Avril Lavigne

-------------------------------------------

As the blue light faded, so did my happiness and comfort. My fear returned, and with it, darkness. I was surrounded by walls, with no light to see by. I had to get out!

_Calm down! You've never been afraid of the dark before._

I breathed deeply, but the feeling didn't go away. The panic of being in a dark, confined space remained.

"Alia? Alia!" Sam's voice barely filtered through the thick wall between us.

"Sam! _Sam_!" I cried. I couldn't keep the panic out of my voice. I was trapped!

"It's all right, I'm here!" He called.

I heard screams through the walls, the floor, the ceiling. "Where are we?" I gasped.

"I don't know," Sam admitted.

"Good Lord," a woman's voice snidely filtered though the walls. "Only a week in the box and you don't know where you are."

The door was flung open, and hands roughly grabbed me out of the room and shoved me onto the floor. I tried to catch myself but failed. Steel wrapped around my wrists, and I realized I was handcuffed. Wincing at the bright light and at the coldness of the concrete, I cried, "Sam!"

The woman laughed cruelly. "_Sam?_ If you're yelling for a three-letter savior, I suggest you make it start with a 'G'."

A similar door was opened and Sam was dragged out. He was flung against the wall, and fell to the floor beside me.

"We have to get out of here!" I whispered, frightened.

The woman, I noticed, was wearing a police uniform. She began to pace.

"Well, that's simple. All you have to do is tell me which one of you did it."

Sam looked up, confused. "Did what?"

Without any warning, she turned and kicked him hard in the stomach. Sam fell back, groaning. The woman glared at us. "First you act like you don't know where you are, then you pretend you don't know why!"

"We don't!" I pleaded.

"Oh you don't?" She raised an eyebrow. "Well you better figure it out, unless you want to go back in that box. Now, ladies, which one of you murdered Carol Benning?"

I turned to look at Sam in fright, but all he did was look at the ground and mutter, "Oh, boy."

The policewoman led us down a corridor, and outside past concrete buildings. The fence surrounding the area was covered in barbed wire at the top, and it looked as if it were electrified. I shivered. Lothos had sent us to a prison!

Except… something didn't make sense. What about that blue light I had felt and seen and been a part of as I Leaped this time? Surely that couldn't have come from Lothos.

_It was a trick to lead you into a false sense of security_, a voice in my mind whispered, and the fear returned.

We entered one of the office buildings, where many police officers bustled about. I had seen no men so far, and decided this prison must be for women only. The woman leading us snapped, "Sit."

Quivering, I did as she said, sinking slowly onto the hard wooden bench. Sam leaned up against the wall and whispered, "Just take it easy, we'll figure this out, okay?"

But the policewoman heard us and slammed Sam up against the wall again. "Nobody told you to talk! I told you to _sit._"

"I need to talk to her," Sam gasped.

"You got no needs, you got no wants, you got no rights," she snarled, punctuating her words with shoves.

"If you want answers I suggest you let me talk to her."

She laughed. "Now, why should I do you any favors?"

"If I find out the truth who's doing who the favor?"

She seemed to consider that for a moment, then stepped away.

"Alone," Sam emphasized.

She walked over to a broom closet and flung it open. "Step into my office!" She chuckled.

I followed Sam, looking around nervously as I did so. Before I could enter, the woman grabbed my arm forcefully. "Warden's got plans for you, Angel. _Big_ plans."

I stared at her, unsure of what to say, or do. She flung me into the closet with Sam, and the door closed behind us.

I turned to Sam, feeling the cold metal of the handcuffs resist my movements. "Lothos put us here," I whispered in fright.

"Just be quiet and listen to me, alright?" Sam said.

"He knows where I am!" I whimpered.

"We don't know that," Sam told me harshly. "There's a fifty-fifty chance this could be _my_ Leap."

But he was forgetting that Lothos could find me at any point in time; wherever or whenever I was, he would always come back. "Even if it is, when he locates me he's gonna kill me!"

"Yeah, but he's got to locate you first, right? Now look, right now you're alive and you're safe. How long does it take for Zoey to do a location search?"

I tried to remember, flustered. "I don't know, it differs. Sometimes, it's just a couple of hours, but once or twice I didn't have contact for an entire day!"

"Okay, well we've just got to figure out some wide to hide you, that's all."

He made it sound so simple. I whirled on him, crying, "From myself? Zoey's locked into my brainwaves!"

Sam turned, startled, to the corner. "Okay, look Al..."

"Al's here?" I asked.

"Yes, he's here. Look, that's great, okay?" he muttered to the corner. "Then we'll change your brainwaves, okay?" He turned back to the corner. "We gotta figure out a way to alter her brain patterns before Lothos can get a lock on her."

I stared at him in confusion. "How? Drugs, alcohol, some kind of self induced comma?"

"I don't think so, that would leave you too vulnerable."

"You can't reprogram my brain!"

"Well, we don't…we gotta…hip what?" I watched, part of my brain mildly interested as Sam tried to carry on two conversations at the same time.

"Hypnosis," Sam said finally. Al must have figured it out.

I felt a shock of fear run through me. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to hypnotize you so you think like Angel would. Lothos won't be able to lock onto you, then." He pulled out a folding chair. "Here, you should sit."

I sat down in the chair, leaning my head back. It felt like a trip to the dentist, with all the same fear. What if I was lost inside this other person forever? _Nice one, Alia._ But I was still myself when I Leaped, I argued. Now I would become a whole different person…in mind as well as body.

Sam ran his hands over mine, both of ours still in handcuffs. "Close your eyes," he instructed. "Relax. Take a deep breath."

I closed my eyes, but how could I be expected to relax under these circumstances? I took a deep breath and held it, willing myself to stay calm. I hoped I was succeeding.

"Forget everything. Your past, your anger, your fear…"

Essentially, he was asking me to forget myself. For what else was I, than memories, anger, and fear? I forced myself to clamo down on the thought, and tried to be at peace.

"I want to you imagine you're on top of a mountain. You're standing on the top of a mountain, looking out. Can you see yourself there?"

I willed my imagination to comply, and slowly the scenery filled in. The sharp smell of pine, the cry of the birds, the deep blue sky. "Um-hum," I murmured, gazing around at the beauty before me.

_All right. You're looking up at a yellow sun. _The voice I had been hearing became a part of me, as I did as instructed and looked up into the sky. _And a dark, dark blue sky. Warm summer breeze blows across your face. White clouds streak across the dark blue sky._

I watched, fascinated, as everything the voice said became true. The clouds stirred up and began to blow. The breeze felt good on my face. "Clouds," I murmured. "White clouds." _Yes_. "And miles and miles of sky." I had never seen so much sky before.

_That's good._

"It's almost as if I…" I couldn't finish the thought. "I'm frightened, Sam," I whispered, remembering suddenly who I was and where I was. I fought to keep myself on the mountain. "I don't know where I am."

"You're in the Mallard Correction Facility for Women," I heard his voice say. "Your name is Jenson. Angel Jenson." So the policewoman hadn't just been using a sweet name, but my name really was Angel. How ironic. "You're nineteen years old."

I concentrated on the mountain again, and the voice became a part of me. _My name is Liz. Liz Tate. Can you remember that, Angel?_

I nodded, slowly. I was Angel…

Suddenly I saw a figure in the distance. A lady in a black dress, with short red hair, a woman who carried fear with her, and much anger… "Liz?" I called to the voice.

_I'm right here._

"Someone's coming."

_Huh?_

"Someone's coming in the distance, I can see someone coming…"

_Who's coming?_

"I don't know. She's looking for something…I'm afraid, Liz!" The woman came closer, looking for someone, for Alia…who is Alia?

_Your name is Angel Jenson. You only know what Angel Jenson knows. I want you to find Angel. Her pain, her hope, her past, every little piece of her that's left. _

The clouds whipped about my frantically, and I gazed out of someone else's eyes. Frightened, I cowered under a table in a bright blue room. Another mind stirred within me, and I recognized myself as Alia, and the other, the girl whose eyes I was borrowing, as Angel.

_Angel?_ I called. Her mind cowered frantically beneath mine, afraid.

_Don't be afraid, Angel,_ I called to her. _I need your help now. And I need to help you…can you help me? Will you let me help you?_

Nothing at first, then a timid, telepathic nod.

_Okay,_ I told her, and drew her to me. Our minds merged. My mind reached into her past, and I knew she saw who I was as well.

Angel's father beat her, day after day, when he was drunk Her mother lost herself in marijuana, trying to escape from her marriage. And Angel was the one who suffered.

Her father often locked her in a closet, for hours or even days, after beating her. Left in the dark, without food or water, she developed a severe case of claustrophobia.

When she grew old enough, she left her parents, but became addicted to cocaine and heroin as a way of coping. She found she could sell marijuana she stole from her mother on the street, and use the money to buy other drugs. She was caught by the police, and sent to Mallard as punishment, an uncaring place where they once again locked her up. Her only friend was Liz.

Then our eyes focused on the mountaintop, and I knew she would be safe here. We would be safe here.

_That's all you are now. You are Angel. Do you understand?_

I nodded.

_All right, Angel, good. Now I'm going to count to three. And when I do, you're going to open your eyes. _

_You will remain Angel Jenson until I say the word… Rumplestiltskin? _

"Rumplestiltskin," I murmured.

_All right, Rumplestiltskin it is. Now. What's your name?_

"Angel Jenson."

_Good. All right, Angel. When I count to three, you will wake up. You will remember everything I told you. _

_One. _

_Two. _

_Three…_


	17. Chapter 17 Angel

A/N- I like this chapter because it gives me the chance to write from 'another' character's POV. It's written as if Angel were really the person experiencing everything. Everyone, remember that 'Angel' sees Sam as Liz now.

PippinDuck- Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Here's more…

TesubCalle- I can't wait for them to come out on DVD too. I have them on VHS, but there are all these commercials between them, which is very frustrating.

Korean Pearl- Not exactly free yet, as you'll see in the next chapter… As for what the guard said about rights, that was part of the original episode. I'm not quite sure why they put that in there, but I think it might be supposed to tell you something about the prison. It's not exactly a lawful place- the warden, who is a man, sleeps with the most attractive prisoners, and accuses them when something goes wrong. Really, at Mallard, prisoners do _not_ have rights. At least, I think that's the point they were trying to make.

Disclaimer- All the dialogue belongs to Belisarius Productions and Don Belisario.

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Chapter 17- Angel

_Don't be fooled by me._

_Don't be fooled by the face I wear._

_For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand faces,_

_And none of them are me._

-From 'Please Hear What I'm Not Saying'

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Drowsily I opened my eyes. I was in a broom closet with Liz…how did I get here? Suddenly, Sophie flung open the door. "All right, tea-time's over. Get out here!"

She shoved me into the corridor just before Meyer's office…what was I doing here? What happened? I couldn't remember… She shoved Liz as well.

Vivian looked up from her desk. "He's off the phone. You first," She gestured to Sophie.

"Jenson and Tate, sit," Sophie said pointedly before going in.

As the door closed, Vivian got up. "How long you been in here, Tate?" She asked.

"Ah," Liz hesitated. "Three years."

"Then you should have known enough not to mess with Benning!"

"Benning..." Liz muttered, turning away.

Vivian came closer to me. "I understand what you went through when they put you in that box. I couldn't take it either. But I can't help you, not this time."

The box…I remembered something.

"Carol told you the truth," I told Liz.

"Told me what?"

I searched my mind frantically, but I couldn't think of anything…what was going on? "I can't remember."

"Well, if you didn't do it, tell 'em who did and walk away," Vivian suggested. "Don't let them put you back in there!"

But I couldn't remember who did it, or what Carol said…I could remember the box. The solid, concrete block of space that held me in and admitted no light…no! Don't think about that!

Sophie stepped out of the office then. "Well, come on ladies. It's show-time."

I glanced at Liz, frightened. I did not want to see Meyers. I hadn't done anything wrong, not this time, I just didn't know who did! But Liz was glancing at the wall again, so I turned and entered the office by myself. After a minute, Liz followed.

We found Meyers examining his reflection in the mirror. Silently, we waited for the blow, which was sure to come.

"Well?" asked Meyers finally.

"Well what?" Liz feigned ignorance.

Meyers chuckled and strolled back over to us. "Oh, don't get smart. Smart-mouthed people bore me. And when I get bored, I get angry. And trust me, you don't want to make me angry."

Meyers strolled back around his desk and turned around to face us. _Don't say anything; don't say anything, _I chanted to myself. _Let Liz do the talking. She knows what she's doing._

"I'm waiting." Meyers glanced at us impatiently.

I folded under his stare and said, "I can't remember anything." _Now please, just leave me alone!_

Liz hurried to defend me. "She's confused from all the time in isolation. We just need a little more time, that's all." I groaned inwardly. We didn't need more time; if she said that, Meyers would pus us back in the box!

"You haven't answered my question," Meyers said pointedly. After a pause, he said, "Since she's drawn a blank, why don't you tell me why we're all here."

"Look, we didn't kill Carol Benning. You gotta believe that," Liz stated. As if Meyers would believe us.

"Really? Then who did?"

I swallowed, speaking up again. "I don't know."

"Neither one of us knows," Liz clarified.

"You're not making this easy," Meyers grumbled.

There was a long pause, and I wondered if after all Meyers was considering letting us go.

"Look, if we knew anything, we'd tell you."

Meyers considered that, then leaned down to the com and said, "I need someone in here."

The door opened behind us, and my heart sank. It was Miss Sophie again.

"Our guests here don't seem to know anything," Meyers informed her.

Sophie laughed in astonishment. "Hah! That's a crock! Fiddler was cleaning the toilets when Liz and Angel dragged Carol in there. Now, Fiddler couldn't hear what they were saying cause that little accident last spring blew out her ears, but she saw Carol all bent over. Next thing she knew these two ran out and left her there, dead on the floor in a pool of blood."

Meyers glanced at a file. "Autopsy says she was stabbed."

"That's right."

He glared at us full in the face. "Which one of you did it?"

"We didn't," stated Liz.

"So Fiddler's a liar?" asked Sophie.

Meyers stood up from his desk suddenly. "I want to talk to Fiddler." He walked slowly around the desk and got in Liz's face. "My friends here aren't being very cooperative."

"Maybe I pulled them out of the cooler too soon," said Sophie with relish. The faint stirrings of fear churned in my stomach.

"Maybe you did. Perhaps you'd better escort them back."

I opened my mouth wide, my body trembling in terror! No!

"I'm sure a few more dies in isolation will help them remember."

I took a step backward. "I don't want to go back in there!"

"She's got a bad case of claustrophobia," I heard Sophie explain through the blood pounding in my ears. "We practically had to knock her out to get her in there."

I tried to say no, but my throat would form the words. Gulping for air, I backed away further. "I can't go back in there! No, no!" _Let me out! Oh please Daddy, let me out!_

Liz rushed to me, to comfort me. A red haze of panic engulfed me, and I fought to remain conscious. Liz turned back to Meyers then. "Warden, listen. If you make us go back in a small, dark space again, thinking about something we don't know anything about, it's not going to do any one of us any good. But if you let us go back into the cell, we can be with the other inmates, and maybe we could find out what happened."

I whimpered in fear and pain. Meyers would send us back, I would be returned to my torment! No!

"Why should I?" Meyers demanded.

"Because if you put us back in that box, we won't be able to find out anything. Angel and I will end up taking the rap."

"The rap?" The warden questioned. "Haha! How perfectly forties." He meandered back around his desk and sat down. "Because nobody wants to rat to the warden?"

"Exactly!" Liz exclaimed. "But they might talk to us."

Meyers considered this for a moment. 'You go back to C-block," he said to Liz. I gulped. "And you go back in the box."

I tried to protest, but the fear overwhelmed me. It sounded like an animal was squealing somewhere in the room; then I realized that was my voice doing the whining. "No!"

"Take Angel back to the cooler," Meyers instructed Sophie. She moved towards me gladly.

"_No!_" I struggled, hit out as hard as I could. Anything, anything, only don't put me back in that box! Liz pushed Sophie out of the way and held my arms. I squirmed, tried to escape from her well-meaning help. "You don't understand! _I'm claustrophobic_!"

The red haze engulfed me again, and I couldn't see anything but my father's leering face as he hit me, again and again, and locked me away in that tight little room. "No! No!"

"Listen to me!" Liz shouted over the voices of the guards, asking me to calm down. "Go to the mountain! Stay on the mountain, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"No!" I shrieked. I cried, I pleaded, I screamed, but it did no good. It never did.

They locked me away to die.

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The door clanged behind me with finality. I was trapped. Trapped! There was no way out!

I ran to the door, hoping they hadn't locked it. Hoping…

It was locked.

_"No!" _I shrieked, tears streaming down my face. "No! No! It wasn't me!"

The darkness clutched at me. Its icy fingers surrounded me; the walls hemmed me in.

_Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage._ My own mind was the prison here.

The walls were closing in! Surrounding me, they would come closer and closer, until I was smashed between them, without ever seeing light again. No!

I rolled myself into a ball to protect myself from the walls, from the darkness. "It wasn't me!" I wailed, tears flowing freely. _"It wasn't me!"_

An eternity passed before the door was flung open. Would they let me out? I scrambled up, rushing for the door. "Let me out!"

Sophie slapped me. "Shut up," she snarled. "If you won't calm down, we'll make you."

I struggled again, but they were stronger. They clutched at my arms, forcing them open, and chained them to the wall. They chained my legs up too, and shut the door again.

_"No!" _I shrieked, trying desperately to break free. I flung myself away from the wall, but the chains dragged me back. The cold hard steel chilled me. I couldn't break free! I couldn't even try to protect myself from the walls or the darkness! As it crushed the life out of me, all I could do was wail in despair.

"Somebody, please help me! Anybody! Please! Help…"

My cries echoed back at me from the walls, hurting my ears, and I was afraid. I slammed myself away from the wall, again and again, but each time I was forced backwards. Despair washed over me.

Another long, horrible period of time went by until door was open again, and this time Liz came in. I wept with relief. Liz ripped the chains off, and I pressed myself against her, sobbing. She helped me outside, murmuring soothingly. Outside!

Vivian continued to argue with Masterson, who was complaining they shouldn't have let me out. I didn't care. Liz was with me, and she would make everything better. She would sooth the pain away.

"Don't make me go back," I begged her, hugging her tightly. "Don't make me go back."

"Shhhh," She soothed. "Shhhh. It will all be okay."

I cried myself out in her arms.

------------------------------------------

When I could talk again, I sniffed and smiled gratefully at Liz. "Thanks."

"Sure," she said, rubbing my back so I knew she was still there and she wouldn't go away.

But there was still something bothering me. Why couldn't I remember anything? I remembered a little bit, yes, but it was as if I had watched every memory on a TV screen. I knew what had happened, but it hadn't really affected me.

"Liz?"

"Huh?"

"What's…what's happening to me?"

"Your mind is still Swiss-cheesed from the…from the confinement."

I looked at her in confusion. "What?"

"Big pieces of your memory are missing," she explained. "If you imagine a hunk of Swiss cheese, right? The big holes could represent things like, like your mother, your father, or your name or something like that, and the little holes could represent simple little things…"

"No, its more, Liz," I told her with conviction, panic beginning to rise within me again. "It's like I'm living someone else's life! Every memory I have, its not, its not my life!"

Liz urged me to calm down. "I know."

"I mean, this is insane!" I exclaimed, hoping she could help me.

"I know none of this makes any sense to you right now, but everything you're feeling is real. It's all the truth. You've got to trust me. Stay where you are right now, stay in that place until I can figure a way to get you out of here. Okay?"

I took a deep breath, meant to calm me, but it didn't.

"Angel, I need you to remember everything you can about Angel's life. Okay? Everything about the day that Carol Benning died. Right? She came to you and she was hurt and bleeding and she wanted your help. You gotta remember!"

I racked my brains, but the memory twisted out of my grasp. I wondered why Liz needed me to tell her what happened; after all, she had been there too.

"She was afraid," I said at last.

"Afraid of what?"

"I can't remember!"

"Try! Just try."

The memory seeped closer to me, and I said, "Well, Meyers was angry at her because she was…"

Masterson's loud voice interrupted me and the thought fled. "Get up! I said get up!"

Liz pulled me to my feet as Vivian rushed in. "Meyers is on a rampage. You didn't tell me he was expecting you! You didn't tell me you were going under!"

"Going under?" Liz asked, unsure.

"Everyone knows what going under means," snapped Masterson. "Now get back in the box!"

"No!" I shrieked, and clutched at Liz.

"She can't go back in there," Liz said to Masterson.

"You must be stupid and crazy."

"Look, if you put her in there it'll kill her."

"If she doesn't get back in that box I'll kill her myself!" Masterson shouted, shoving Liz, trying to get at me. I backed away, afraid. _Please, help me! Don't put me back in there, please…_

"Wait!" Vivian said. "I'll take her down to the old transfer tunnels."

"You can't take her down there! Meyers will skin you alive!"

"I don't know how long I can keep you down there but at least it's not that box. Come one!" She shouted, tugging me with her.

"No!" I said, and clutched at Liz. Liz would protect me!

"What are you doing?" Masterson yelled.

Liz brought me close. "Look, it's the only choice you've got."

"Well, you better hurry up and do whatever it is you're gonna do," Vivian said, impatient.

"Don't be ridiculous Vivian. She's a prisoner!"

I nodded slowly. Liz would come find me later. She had to.

"Vivian…"

Liz guided me towards the door, but Masterson blocked it. "I can't let you out of here," she said.

Liz looked at her for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry about this." Then she brought up her fist and punched Masterson out, catching her before she hit the floor.

I only had a moment for shock before Vivian pulled me out of the cell and towards the transfer tunnels below.

"Go, go, go!" Liz shouted after us.

We were racing down the hallway when I heard a noise in front of us. Vivian dragged me into an open cell. "Shhhh, Shhhh, inside!" We pressed ourselves against the wall hoping nobody would see us. Meyers and Sophie passed down the hallway, arguing. They didn't see us. I breathed a quick sigh of relief.

"Come on," whispered Vivian, and we were off again.

We climbed carefully down two flights of stairs, until we reached what appeared to be the basement.

"Over here," whispered Vivian, motioning to some boxes. We crouched behind them, safe, for the moment.

Just then a siren went of and my heart went cold. "Security breach in block C," called the voice over the intercom. I heard dogs barking, searching for us. Vivian became frantic.

"Now what?" She shouted. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

I shook my head numbly, backing away. The sirens continued, then footsteps came crashing down the corridor. Liz!

Vivian grabbed her by the shoulders, asking her the same question. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"Where's Alia?" Liz asked frantically.

Alia…

_"What?" _Vivian shouted.

"Angel, where's Angel?"

"Get down, over here." They came towards me, crouching.

"What happened?" I asked, frantic, as they came.

"They know you're gone," Vivian stated miserably. "And I'm gonna get shot right along with you!" She gasped for air, considering. "I got to take you back."

"No!"

"Vivian, listen to me," Liz said. "This isn't going to make sense, and I don't expect you to believe me, but I don't have a choice now. I gotta tell you the truth."

I stared at her in confusion. The truth? And who was Alia?

"The truth is, I'm gonna take you back!"

"No," I said, blocking her way. Liz took hold of her and stopped her.

"Just listen to me for one second." She took a deep breath. "I'm not Liz. And this is not Angel. We're time travelers, from the future."

Vivian was surprised. Quite frankly, so was I. Liz must be…she must be high on something, to come up with such a crazy story. I wondered mildly how she managed to get drugs in a tight place like this, and if she had any left. I could use an escape right now, no matter the consequences.

"And so is Meyers," Liz added.

"This is no time to be funny, Liz," Vivian said, shaking her head.

"I'm not Liz."

Vivian rolled her eyes.

"I'm a man. My name is Sam Beckett. And Meyers is a woman named Zoey."

_Sam? Zoey? _Who were these people that Liz was referring to, and why did their names seem familiar?

Vivian chuckled. "Meyers is a woman?"

"Zoey?" I asked. The name was so familiar, but I couldn't remember…

The sirens stopped, and Liz resumed talking. "Look, we don't have a lot of time. This Zoey person is a horrible, horrible person. She traveled across time," Liz turned to point at me, "to kill her! And you're our only hope!"

Vivian shook her head in disbelief. "This is unreal!"

"Forget reality!" Liz said, shoving Vivian against the wall. "Forget everything you've ever known! If you don't help us, then…you gotta help us! Please!" She shouted.

Vivian shoved herself away. "Wait a minute! If I'm getting ready to step into the Twilight Zone I need a minute." She paused, panting hard. "Now give me one good reason why I should believe you."

Liz paused, then said, "How long have you know Liz?"

"Long time!"

"Would she make up a story like this?" Tension strove throughout Liz's voice, but somehow, I knew it wasn't Liz. But then, who was she? Was it possible her story was true? And if so, then who was I?

Vivian took a breath. "All right," she said finally. "All right, I know how I can get you out. And this better be a flashback of some drug I did in the sixties," she added.

_Yeah, me too,_ I added silently.

Vivian led us down through the tunnels, to a small crawl space. As we crawled through, she whispered, "Okay. Here. At the end of the tunnel, there's an electric gate. Give me about five minutes, I'm gonna cut the power. And when I do you got fifteen seconds to cut the lock and get out before the back-up generator kicks in. I'll be right behind you."

"Alright," Liz whispered. "Come on."

I turned to Vivian then. "Why are you doing this?" I asked. No one had ever, ever helped me, in my memory, that is. Liz had been kind to me, but I'd never had to ask her to do anything- in prison, there isn't much you can do for other people. That is, unless you are planning an escape.

"Does it matter?" asked Liz.

"Yes. I want to know why some people help other people." I said it with conviction. I needed to hear this answer, needed to know why anybody would risk herself to help me…when I had never done anything for her, and probably would never repay her anyhow. Why?

"Cause all my life, I never did anything really special. And if one-tenth of what you're saying is true, then this is special. For once, I wanna be the good guy." She grinned, panting slightly. "Go ahead."

Liz pulled me down the narrow passageway, saying, "Come one, hurry up, come on."

I panted on behind her, thinking on Vivian's answer. _I want to be the good guy. I want to do something special. _What good did being good get you? You'd only get hurt, in the end. Vivian could die for being the 'good guy.' And yet she helped us.

Wanting to do something special, I could understand. I had been like that once, just wanting to make my mark on the world, just wanting to prove that I _was_ special. I stopped, confused. Had that really been me? Angel? I couldn't remember.

"Come on!" Liz urged, and I hurried after her. We reached the gate. Liz waited ten seconds, then the power was cut. She cut the lock, pushed me through the gate, and ran out behind me. We found ourselves outside the jail, in the forest. As we scrambled up the bank, Liz continued to urge me forward, saying, "Hurry up!" Didn't she know I was hurrying?

I tried to go faster, and only succeeded in tripping over a dead root and falling on my arm. Liz fell on top of me, and I gasped in pain.

"You all right?" Liz asked, concerned. "Come on." Then she appeared to be looking behind me at someone. I turned, but saw nothing. "Then have Ziggy over-ride it!" She gasped.

I stared at her in confusion. What was she doing? What…

She took my face in her hands and said, "Rumplestiltskin!"

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A/N- This is for KP. If you haven't guessed by now, Zoey has Leaped after Alia, and right now she's Meyers, the Warden. Sam knows all this, but he never took the time to explain it to 'Angel' in the episode, so that info isn't included. Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18 Freedom

A/N- I know, fast update. I think it's because I'm getting more and more excited as the story progresses. This is the final chapter from the series; next we're going into what happened after Alia Leaped off the show. Stay tuned!

Korean Pearl- Wow, this is one of your favorite stories:is surprised: This is the only story on your list that is not Animorphs… wow. Thanks! As for Zoey, yes, she is a real person. If you look at the early chapters again, you'll see that Zoey did meet Alia in the present, did touch her, and did recruit her for Lothos. When Alia is in the past, Zoey is her link to the future, and appears in the form of a hologram. Only Alia can see her, because they are linked through Lothos. Until now, Zoey has only been an Observer in the past, only a hologram. Now that Alia has escaped, Zoey has Leaped back to find her. Her connection to the future is Thames, Alia's torturer back in the present. Lothos began to get a lock on her, but before he could zone in on her, she 'vanished' or was hypnotized. So they know she's in the prison somewhere, but they don't know who she is. However, that won't last much longer, as she's stopped being Angel and is once more Alia… hope you enjoy this chapter!

PippinDuck- Thanks for reviewing! I hope you like this chapter, as well as the original scenes at the end!

Disclaimer- The beginning dialogue belongs to Belisarius Productions and Don Belisario. After Alia Leaps, the rest of the dialogue belongs to me.

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Chapter 18- Freedom

_You must make your own life, live your own life, and die your own death…or else you will die another's._ –From Fondly Fahrenheit, written by Alfred Bester

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"Rumplestiltskin!"

It was as if someone pulled a veil away from my eyes. One minute, Angel was there, and the next…I remembered who I was, what had happened. Angel's mind and thoughts shattered. 'Liz' was Sam, and I was Alia.

"Sam?" I gasped. "Where are we?"

Just then, I heard a noise behind me. "Gotcha!" A voice cackled. I whirled around. "Holograms at your service, baby!" the man grinned.

I shivered, remembering my torturer in the Holding Chamber. "Thames?" I whispered.

Sam, seeing nothing, also said, "Thames? What?"

"You ready to die, sweet-cakes?" asked Thames.

"Where's Zoey?" I asked, terrified. I'd been discovered.

"Timing, it's all timing, baby!"

"Zoey's here, Alia," Sam explained. "She Leaped."

I turned back, hearing dogs barking. We had escaped from the prison, but they were following us! Zoey would catch up with us any minute. She would kill me, and kill Sam. I couldn't let that happen!

Maybe if we surrendered, she'd just kill me. I deserved to die. Sam didn't.

"Come on, we gotta get going," he said, pulling me up.

"It's over, Sam!" I cried. She would find us and kill us!

"No!" He said, dragging me along. "It's not over unless we say it's over."

"Its over!" I yelled. "Save yourself!"

"Ain't nobody getting saved tonight," Thames spat. "Zoey! They're over here!"

Thames popped out, ready to guide Zoey to our hiding spot.

"Come on, we gotta go!" Sam cried, grabbing me. We ran along again, but it was futile. Zoey would find me wherever I was. We were connected. And even if she didn't, my past would haunt me…after what I had done, how could I ever live a normal life?

"I can't run from _myself_!" I cried.

"Come on," Sam said desperately. "We just gotta keep going!"

We reached the street, and light fell on us. The light from the headlights of a car. Zoey's car. I saw her as she stepped out of the car; saw her without having to touch her because we were connected. She had a gun in her hands. She was going to kill us!

I couldn't let Sam die. Not now, not ever. Not after what he'd done for me! No matter what, I couldn't let that happen. Zoey would not kill again.

"Run, Sam!" I shouted desperately.

"No!"

"Save yourself!"

"No, no!" He tried to block me, tried to protect me. I didn't want protection, I didn't need it. Not any more. I struggled with him, fought him. I couldn't let him die!

"Come on, Zoey, its you or me!" I challenged, throwing Sam to the ground. Give Zoey what she wanted. My death would appease her. My life had brought only death to others. Maybe, my dying would give Sam life.

**_Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends._**

Zoey aimed. Stared at me straight in the eye, with hatred. How many times had I held someone at gunpoint, with that same look in my eyes? How many times had I killed? No more. No more.

Zoey, friend, hologram, enemy, killer, fired.

_Somebody save my life!_

But I didn't die.

I Leaped instead.

The blue light overwhelmed me, tingling, healing.

**_As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins in which you used to live, when you followed the ways of this world…but because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions- it is by grace you have been saved._**

**_-------------------------------------_**

Warmth. Cool cloth on my forehead, stinging cut, fuzzy blankets, murmuring voices.

"Is she alright?"

"She's going to be fine. Just give her some room."

"Who is she, Daddy?"

"I don't know, sweetie. But she needs our help."

I blinked, trying to focus. Where…what…

Slowly I sat up, and began frantically taking in my surroundings. 'Where' seemed to be a small, cozy room with a fireplace lit inside it. Shadows from the fire flickered upon the walls. I noticed I was lying on a sagging couch, with a homemade quilt tucked around me. There was a cat lying on my feet. But how, I wondered, had I come to be here? The last thing I could remember… the last thing… what had happened to me?

"Well, now." It was a man's deep voice, reverberating throughout the room. "Are you okay, Miss?"

"I…where am I?" I asked, confused. I couldn't remember…

"You're safe," the man answered. "I'm Andrew Watson. This is my daughter, Stephanie. My wife, Carol, is making you some dinner. Are you alright?"

"Yes…I think so," I answered, unsure. I remembered Zoey, and a gun…why wasn't I dead? "I'm Alia," I offered, then instantly wondered if I should have given my real name. Maybe I was someone else. And if other people knew who I was, Lothos could find me… but it was too late to bite back the words.

Andrew smiled. It was a deep, warm smile, a friendly smile. "I'm glad to meet you, Miss Alia."

"Where'd you come from?" asked the five-year-old next to him. Her blond hair was up in a ponytail, and her eyes were full of curiosity.

"I…"

"Now, Stephie, don't wear her out before she has a chance to catch her breath," scolded a homely-looking woman with her hair in a bun. She placed a bowl of chicken soup before me. "Eat up, and then you can tell us what's happened to you."

Scarcely believing this was actually happening, I began to eat. I ate slowly, spooning each delicious bite into my mouth carefully, so as not to spill a drop. It was a good taste- a taste of home. It had been so long… so long since I had felt anywhere near this comfortable. I blinked away tears.

Outside, the wind whipped around the house. I caught glimpses of a barn in moonlight and I realized I was somewhere in the countryside. Where, I didn't know. Inside, the family sat around the fire, watching me eat. The father sat in a worn armchair, staring every once and awhile into the fire, as if contemplating a mystery. The mother perched at the end of the comfortable couch I was laying on, smiling every so often at me. And the little girl sat on the carpet with a kitten, eyes wide and staring at me. I felt uncomfortable, but I ate slowly so I wouldn't have to explain myself to them. Still, the moment came when I was done, and Carol quietly took the bowl away.

"Thank you, Mrs. Watson," I murmured. "It was…it was delicious."

She beamed. "Well now, thank you! It's always nice to find someone who enjoys my cooking." She set the bowl in the sink and returned. "Now, why don't you tell us what happened."

I didn't want to, I didn't want to say anything. I could lie… but I realized I didn't want to go on lying anymore. I wanted to be myself, whole and honest. And yet I couldn't tell them the truth either. They would never believe me.

The weight of their gazes upon me reminded me that I would have to say something soon. Maybe if I told them part, but not all, of the truth… "I was…I was running away from someone," I said slowly. "She…she tried to kill me…" I whispered.

The woman's face had gone white, the girl was staring at me in shock. But Andrew came up and took my hand as I began to sob. "I'm sorry," I cried, "I'm sorry…"

"Shhhh," soothed Andrew. "Shhhh. It'll be okay, Alia. Everything is okay. She didn't hurt you. You're safe now."

Carol stood up and took Stephie by the hand. "Andrew, I'm going to take Stephie to bed. You come up when you're ready, okay?" She glanced at me hurriedly, then took her daughter upstairs.

"But Mommy…" wailed Stephie as they ascended. "I wanna hear the story…"

When they were gone, Andrew turned back to me. With an effort, I had collected myself and was no longer crying. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked again.

"Yes," I sniffed. "I'll be fine." I paused, studying the blankets. "Why did…why'd you help me?" I asked finally, still astonished by my change in luck.

"Well, we couldn't just leave you lying in the street, could we?" he asked with a smile. "It was no trouble, really."

I nodded slowly. "Thank you. I…I guess I'd better tell you what happened…"

"You don't have to if you don't want to," he offered.

"But I do want to," I said with conviction. "I need to tell somebody…"

I kept the truth vague, admitting with difficulty that I had been a hired killer, and that when I had failed to exterminate a target, someone had come after me. I had fallen and hit my head, and knew nothing else.

He was looking at me quietly, searchingly. Then he said, "Well, now." A pause. "Maybe…maybe I better call the police," he said slowly.

I shook my head wildly, afraid. Lothos would find me! "No!" I exclaimed. Then, hastily, I added, "If anyone came after me, they're long gone by now."

"Just the same, I think I had better call." He stood up. "I'll ask them to do a search of the countryside, okay? You can sleep here tonight, and we'll figure this all out in the morning."

There was nothing else I could say, and I was extremely tired. I didn't understand why these people had opened up their home to me, but if they were willing give me a bed for tonight, I would be grateful. Even if it did mean that they had to call the police. After the story I had told him, I couldn't blame Andrew for being worried.

He led me up the creaking stairs. I caught a glimpse of something on the landing, and turned…and nearly fell down the stairs. It was a mirror, it was a reflection, but it was so much more than that…it was me.

I stared, drinking myself in. I hadn't seen myself in so long! Short, cropped auburn hair, blue eyes- my face! I was myself! I really was Alia! I grinned, and my reflection grinned back at me. My reflection!

Andrew was concerned with my reaction. "Alia? Are you okay?"

I blinked away tears as I said, "I'm fine. It's just that… I haven't seen myself… like this… in a long time." I barely got the words out.

Andrew smiled thinly. "My father had a saying like that, once. He used to say, 'If you cannot recognize the man in the mirror, it is time to step back and see when you stopped being yourself.' Although I guess in your case it would be 'woman in the mirror', wouldn't it?" He placed a hand on my shoulder. "Come on. It's late. We'll deal with this in the morning."


	19. Chapter 19 Finding Myself

A/N- I'm deeply sorry about how long it took for this to get up! Life caught up with me, and it turned out that this chapter needed heavy revisions. So, its been redone, and hopefully is better now… it took a little longer, but I think in the end, this is a better product. Enjoy!

PippinDuck- Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked the Scripture. As for it being from Alia's perspective, it didn't come out of her own head. Her family sure never taught her about God, and she hasn't really had time to learn ever since she began Leaping. I think that she could possibly have heard the words while the action was taking place, but never actually understood where they came from or what they meant.

Korean Pearl- I'm glad you like it! As for what happened to Sam, he wasn't touching her when she Leaped (remember, she threw him to the ground to protect him from Zoey) so they didn't Leap together. By now he's Leaped on to another life and another episode. That being the last Evil Leaper episode, Sam never saw Alia again for the duration of the series, which was cancelled five episodes after Alia disappeared. But this fanfic is going beyond the end of the show, so stay tuned… No, the Bible verses were not in the TV show, I included them because I felt they were appropriate. I'm glad you liked that! And Alia is seeing herself in the mirror again, which means that yes, she is herself. As for _when_ she is, that will be revealed in this chapter.

TesubCalle- Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked the Scripture… everyone seems to agree that was a nice touch. And here is what happens next, I hope you like it!

Deranged Lunatic- Thank you so much! This story is on your favorites list? Thanks again! And if you haven't seen the rest of the shows, definitely try and see them some time. Some of my favorite shows aired during the 4th and 5th seasons. J

Discalimer- Alia does not belong to me, but to Belisarius Productions and Don Belisario.

Claimer- I own Andrew, Carol, Stephie, all their cats, all the dialogue, and all the plot events from now on. Whee!

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Chapter 19- Finding Myself

_You take me in_

_No questions asked_

_You strip away the_

_Ugliness that surrounds me_

_Are you an angel_

_Am I already that gone_

_I only hope that I_

_Won't disappoint you when_

_I'm down here on my knees_

-Sweet Surrender by Sarah Mclachan

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Sunlight on my face woke me up the next day. I blinked, wondering who, where, and when I was… until I remembered. I was free. Heaving the covers off the bed the family had offered to me, I went to look out the window. The sight took my breath away.

The sun came up from behind the hills, casting long shadows all throughout the countryside. I could see a barn and a chicken-coop outside, and it seemed as if the animal occupants had been up long before I was. I smiled at the soft glow of early morning.

Then a thought came to me, and I glanced down at myself. I was wearing the same things I had been last night- a turtleneck, a sweater, and a pair of jeans. Absently I wondered where they had come from, but the problem boggled my mind and I finally set it aside. Quietly, nervously, I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

I tiptoed down the stairs, but didn't make it to the bottom before the mirror caught my eye again, and trapped me. I'm not sure how long I stood there, staring at my reflection. It was Stephanie who finally pulled me out of my trance.

"G'morning, 'Leah," she said, smiling brightly.

I glanced down at the girl awkwardly, unsure of what I was supposed to say to a five-year old. I've never had that much experience with children. "Um, hi… Stephanie."

She frowned a bit at that. "It's 'Stephie'," she corrected me. "Ever'body calls me that, so you should too."

"All right, Stephie," I said. Then I noticed that the kitten she was carrying up the stairs was a different color than the one she'd been cuddling last night. "Is that a different kitten?" I asked, unable to hide my curiosity.

"Yup," she said, smiling again. "Last night I was playing with Misty. This is Joker," she told me, holding him up high so I could see. Joker didn't seem to appreciate the attention, and squirmed out of her grasp. "Whoops," she exclaimed, as the kitten went running down the stairs and out the door. Then she turned back to me, and took my hand. "We got lot's an' lots of cats. You wanna meet them?" She asked, pulling me down the stairs all the while.

It didn't look like I had much of a choice, so… "Uh, sure," I agreed, staggering a bit.

Fortunately, before Stephie could take me out to the barn and personally introduce me to each and every one of the cats, Carol intervened. "Oh, Alia, you're awake," she said, smiling at the sight of her daughter pulling me along. "Won't you sit down and have some breakfast?" she asked. "I'm making pancakes this morning."

"But Mommy," Stephie pouted, "I'm taking 'Leah to meet Misty and Joker and Simba and Buttons and Pookie and 'Nonny an…"

Swiftly Carol interrupted her daughter's flow of chatter. "That's nice, sweetie, but I think Alia would rather have some breakfast first, don't you? And besides," she added sternly, "you're supposed to be upstairs getting ready for school, Missy."

Stephie made a face at this and turned to look at me sorrowfully. "I'm sorry, 'Leah, I gotta go get ready for school." Then she brightened, and said, "But I can show you the kitties after I get home, okay?" Then she turned and ran pell-mell up the stairs, leaving me flabbergasted in her wake.

Carol laughed after her daughter and gently pulled me to the table. "Now, what would you like on your pancakes?" she asked brightly.

It had been so long since I had had pancakes, and my mouth watered hungrily. "Um, I don't know. Whatever is best," I answered finally.

I certainly got the best, in my opinion. Breakfast that morning was pancakes topped with strawberries and whipped bream. It seemed to me it was the best breakfast I had ever had, and I was almost sorry when I had finished. "Thank you," I said gratefully when I got up from the table. I wasn't sure there was much else I could say, so I put my dishes in the sink, and then stood by the door, unsure of what to do. Unbidden, thoughts of Zoey and Lothos crept into my mind, and I pushed them away with effort. Now was not the time to think about that, now was the time to think about the future… whatever that held for me. Yet I still couldn't keep away the fear, fear that Zoey would find me and take me back… and now that I was done eating, it was harder not to think about such things.

Once again, it was Carol who saved me. "Andrew is taking Stephie to kindergarten, but he'll be back soon enough." A pause, and then she added, more softly, "The police are coming this morning, Alia. I thought you should know."

A surge of panic ran through me, and I thought of Miss Sophie from Mallard. My breath quickened, and I fought to remain calm. They wouldn't take me back there, I knew that rationally. But the thought of going back to jail… even if I did deserve it… was a frightening one.

Carol noticed my discomfort, and hurried to comfort me, saying, "They aren't going to take you away, sweetie. Andrew and I won't let them. We've prayed about it, and Andrew believes he can trust you. That's good enough for me," she said with finality, in a voice that left no room for arguing. So I didn't, but I did begin to pace nervously.

In an attempt to take my mind off the upcoming visit, I glanced down at the newspaper on the front table. I was surprised to find it was June 5th, 2000… five years after I had first begun Leaping. What had happened to the world in all that time? But before I got the chance to delve deeper into the paper, the doorbell rang

The police were here.

-------------------------------------

"What did you say your name was, miss?" Officer Sanders questioned gently.

"Alia."

"I mean your full name, honey," she clarified.

I swallowed. If I told them, there would be no going back. Lothos would be able to find me. I would be trapped.

I was tired of lying, though, tired of hiding. What was the point of being myself again if I couldn't even tell anyone my name?

"Alia Heaton," I declared.

"Heaton," she mumbled, typing the name into her laptop. "Heaton." She frowned, and retyped it. Finally, she gave up, and shut down her laptop. Putting it away, she remarked flatly, "So you say you were hired as an assassin for a secret organization."

"Yes, that's right," I grudgingly admitted. It was not the kind of story I would have chosen to tell the police, but it was the story I had told Andrew last night, wanting to be as truthful as possible. Now I was paying for it.

Frowning again, she studied me closely. "Care to give me the details?" She asked.

I shook my head hastily. "No, I can't. You'd… you'd never trace it anyway."

She nodded ruefully and sighed. "Well, I'll take your fingerprints down to the station and see if anything turns up about this organization you claim exists. In the meantime, I'd like to speak with Mr. And Mrs. Watson, please."

I nodded, realizing that she didn't want me to hear their conversation. But that wasn't about to stop me. I had to know what was going on, what was going to happen…

I climbed normally up the stairs, and shut the door of the room they had given me without actually going inside. Then I crept back to the handrail silently, and listened to what the others were saying.

"…have the results by?" I caught Andrew saying.

"We should have the results by the end of the week," said Officer Sanders. "As I told her, we'll take these prints down to the station. If she's been involved with an organized crime syndicate, something might show up. But I doubt that this is that kind of a case."

"What do you think happened to her, then?" asked Carol, her voice somewhat nervous.

"My best guess? She's either mentally unstable or a homeless person who's run up a good story for some room and board," she offered. "Although why anyone would want to pose as a criminal is beyond me." I heard her pause, stand, and start walking to the door. "But I have a hard time believing she's an assassin. They tend to be cold, calculating, and never let any emotions show. This girl? She's so unsure of herself. But if you'd rather have her out of your hair, we're willing to take her down to the station until this all clears up."

My breath caught in my throat as I thought of Mallard again. Instinctively, I reviewed the exits of the house- there was a window in my room, I remembered. If worse came to worse, I could climb out and escape, disappear forever…

But that was just the problem, I realized. I couldn't be content with disappearing anymore. I couldn't run forever. And if I truly wanted to be myself again, then… this was the first step. I forced myself to breath deeply and listen for the Watson's response.

After a long pause, Andrew said, "We won't mind having her here for awhile longer." I breathed a deep sigh of relief. "I think… it's obvious she needs help. And I think we can help her more than the police could."

"That's fine, then," said the officer. "Just so you know what you could be dealing with. If anything goes wrong, call this number…" Here she paused, probably to write something, "and someone will be by as quickly as possible. Within a week, this should be all cleared up," she remarked as she walked outside and the door shut behind her.

Without wasting time, I opened the door of my room again and hurried into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. With luck, they'd never know I had been listening to them.

Standing in front of the mirror, I realized how lucky I had been. To be set down in a place where people would care for me, to have a chance to recover… it was unthinkable. It was totally out of my realm of experience.

_Is there such a thing as… luck? What if this was no accident?_

But I shoved that thought away. I wasn't ready to deal with any of that, not now, not when I had narrowly escaped being taken away… not when I had narrowly escaped being killed last night. Not now.

When I had finished in the restroom, I opened the door and stepped cautiously down the stairs. Once more, Carol was waiting for me.

"Oh, there you are," she said, smiling upon seeing me. "Andrew took the morning off to show you around this place, since I have some things to do in the house." Her eyes twinkled merrily. "If you're lucky, you might be able to persuade him to introduce you to all our furry friends."

Smiling shyly, still unsure about myself, I went off to find Andrew and see the place I'd be staying for the next few weeks.

-------------------------------------

The Watsons farm wasn't actually a farm, as many would define it. The only plants cultivated were Carol's flower-beds. There were a few chickens on the premises, and two horses for riding, but not much else. However, there was one animal that the Watson's owned in abundance… cats.

The entire family seemed to be… obsessed… with cats. Some of the animals didn't even belong to the Watsons, but they fed those cats anyway, unwilling to let any of the creatures go hungry. There were at least four indoor cats, and over ten outdoor ones, as well as several anonymous strays they fed. True to her word, when Stephie came home from kindergarten, she introduced me to each and every one of the cats. Joker, his brother Batcat, and his sister Misty seemed to be Stephie's favorites, because they were kittens, but the rest got fairly equal attention. As for me, I was simply glad I wasn't allergic to the critters, or the entire week would have been unbearable.

Despite the cats, the place was peaceful. I learned to enjoy sleeping in, never worrying about who I was or what I had to do that day. In spite of my dislike for household chores, I insisted on helping Carol around the house when the rest of the family was gone. Maybe it was talking to someone who actually listened rather than someone who went on about herself all the time, but I stopped hating chores so much. They gave me something to do, to take my mind off what I had gone through. And that was a huge relief.

In spare moments, when I let my guard down, I would begin to wonder why Zoey and Lothos hadn't locked on to me yet. They were supposed to be able to find me anywhere in time… but when thoughts like those crept in, I smothered them. For whatever the reason, Zoey and Lothos had not found me, and I wasn't going to dwell on them unless I had to.

However, stifling thoughts of my past forced me to think about the present, which in turn brought back memories of the past. But these were from farther back, before Lothos had ever found me.

I watched Stephie's father read her a book and kiss her every night before she went to bed. I saw him put an arm around his wife while we watched an evening movie, and watched as she did not pull away in fear. I noticed that when Stephie asked if we could make brownies for her class picnic the next day, her mother dropped what she was doing and went to help, asking me to join them. And I wondered in amazement at it all.

The family was by no means perfect. Stephie threw tantrums some mornings, when she had to wake up early, or when she didn't finish her food and was denied desert. In moments when things were not going as was planned, sharp words and stinging phrases were said. But afterwards, when it had blown over, I watched as the family apologized to each other, and became one again.

I couldn't understand it at all. This family had something that mine had never had. And even though I had been accepted into their home, for a time, I still didn't have it. Would I ever get to experience this kind of life?

----------------------------------------

Near the end of the week, Officer Sanders returned, and we had another chat in the den.

"Well, the results of the fingerprint tests are in," she said, looking at me steadily.

I nodded nervously. When she offered no more information, I asked, "Well?"

Instead of answering my question, she asked another one. "Alia," she said softly, "What happened five years ago?"

I froze, not daring to move. How had they discovered what had happened? Did they… did they know about Lothos? No one was supposed to be able to hack in to his files, or find out anything about the project…

"I don't know what you mean," I stumbled, hoping she would let it go.

"I think you do, Alia," she said gently. "Can you remember the Clifton Bridge, and a woman named Chloe Lofton?"

Confusion set in. What was she talking about?

"What happened after you jumped, Alia? Where did you go?"

That final phrase was all it took to make me realize what was going on. Lothos had conveniently faked my death after I had Leaped. But since the police had never found my body, Officer Sanders must believe that I had somehow survived… and ended up here. It was all I could do not to breath a huge sigh of relief at that moment.

Instead, five years of acting took over. I called up the tears I had used, time and time again, to make myself look innocent. I told her that I could remember nothing about the past five years, which was true enough- I hadn't experienced them. Finally I convinced her to let me stay with the Watsons, at least until I could get back on my feet. She agreed, on the condition that I would seek help from a psychiatrist over what had happed. This was something I definitely did not want, but there was no help for it. I had to agree to get her to leave.

I think it was that afternoon that forced me to think about what had happened, and what would come next. I forced myself to remember that Zoey and Lothos were still out there. And I knew if I stayed, they'd eventually trace me here. I couldn't let that happen. For some reason, they didn't seem to be able to retrieve me back to the Project, but if they knew where I was, they would send someone after me. And the family that had taken me in would get hurt.

I couldn't let that happen.

Frustrated, I began cleaning out the horses stalls in an attempt to clear my mind. As I poked through the junk at the back of the barn, I found an old metal rod, with a switch on one end. When Andrew came home, I asked him what it was.

"That's my Grandfather's cattle prod," he answered. "from back when this place was a real farm. They used it to get the cows moving, by giving them a jolt of electricity," Andrew said. I looked at it more closely.

"Wasn't that dangerous?" I asked.

"Nope. A cattle prod just delivers enough of a shock to get the cows moving. It feels like a bee-sting. Its nothing like a stun gun, although some people insist on comparing the two."

I stood up from where I was crouched beside the prod. "What's a stun gun?"

"It's something police officers use, I think. It delivers a shock, too, but nothing like the cattle prod. A stun-gun sends electricity coursing through your entire body, and can knock someone out." He frowned. "I'd hate to see someone using that on their animals."

As he walked away, I thought about that, decided it was valuable information, and filed it away for later.

But I still wasn't sure what I was going to do.


	20. Chapter 20 Confrontation

A/N- Everybody set your VCRs! 'Deliver Us From Evil' is playing November 6 at 11:00 at night on the sci-fi channel. Don't miss it!

TesubCalle- Glad you liked it! As to what Zoey and Lothos are up to, this chapter should answer your questions.

PippinDuck- Thanks! That's one of the reasons I held off updating. In the first draft, the Watsons weren't 'real' enough, so I had to go back and rewrite it. I'm glad it seemed to work! As for the showdown, you should like this chapter…

Deranged Lunatic- Thanks for reviewing! Actually, that chapter _is_ a kind of an interlude. I figured Alia needed a break after everything that had happened to her, and some time to prepare for what's coming up in this chapter. This story's not over yet, we still have a ways to go.

And it's nice to meet another young Leaper! I was also too young to watch it the first time around, having been only five when it was cancelled. Luckily I have grandparents with cable, and I make them tape the show for me.

Korean Pearl- Don't be sorry. Fanfic was down for me as well, and refused to show me my reviews for the longest time… argh. Glad you reviewed! As I said before, Alia wasn't the main character and was only in three episodes, so I don't think she had anything to do with the cancellation. This story will show what happened to Alia and Sam after the show, to an extent… :grins: Yes, last chapter shows that I really like cats… tee-hee.

Same Disclaimer Applies.

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Chapter 20- Confrontation

_"Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you."_ –Matthew 6:13-14

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It seemed that thinking about Lothos and Zoey had given them more control over me, and now I couldn't take my mind off them. Not even when I was asleep.

I must have had a thousand nightmares that night. I dreamed of being trapped in the Holding Chamber, of being tortured by Thames. I relived all the deaths I had caused. When I relived the nightmare Lothos had scripted for me the first time I failed to kill Sam, it became too much for me to handle, and I jerked violently awake.

But even awake, my nightmares still plagued me. They were burned into my memory, etched into my being… and I couldn't stop. I sat in bed and cried, a river of tears that never seemed to end. I was broken, and I just didn't know how to put myself back together again.

Andrew nearly broke down my door trying to reach me.

"Alia!" He took in the scene, then quietly closed the door and turned on the light. Still sobbing, I turned away from him as he sat on the bed beside me.

He said nothing, offered no words, just sat with me as I cried. And gradually, my sobs abated. Even I couldn't cry forever, I realized. And when I was calm enough to talk, he spoke to me.

"Alia. What happened, honey?"

That was all it took. I couldn't hold it in anymore; my barriers were down. I told him. I told him everything.

And he listened. I mean, really listened. He was entirely neutral as I told him about Zoey, Lothos, and Sam. And when I had finished, he put his arm around me gently, as Renee had so long ago, and said, "It's going to be okay, Alia. Everything is going to turn out all right."

I didn't want to accept his false comforts, though. Renee had told me that once, and look what had happened to me. I pushed myself away from him, snarling, "How can it ever be all right? I'm a murderer, don't you understand? I deserve…to die!" I flung myself around and into a pillow, trying desperately to hide from myself, and failing miserably.

Andrew took this in for a moment. Then he reached out and took something off the nightstand. A book.

"You don't have to die, Alia," he told me quietly.

"You don't understand. I've taken so many lives! I deserve death!"

"But you can be forgiven," he answered.

I laughed mirthlessly. "No one would forgive me. No one can forgive me!"

"It sounds to me like Sam did."

Cautiously, I raised my head from the pillow. "You believe me?" I asked, incredulously.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not sure if I believe it, yet. But I do know, whatever you've done, that you can be forgiven. I know you can be loved."

"Nobody loves me," I stated harshly.

"God loves you."

I glared at him. "Oh? Where was God when Zoey found me? Where was God when I was tormented by Lothos? When my own father hated me, where was your God then?" I spat, and sobbed into the pillow.

"I can't account for the actions of your father, Alia, but I do know that God was there."

"Then why didn't he do something? Stop me Zoey from finding me, rescue me from Lothos, give me a loving father?"

"I don't know. Sometimes we can't understand the actions of God until we look back on them, and see that he had a plan all along."

"I see no plan," I retorted.

"Maybe it was to bring you here," he suggested softly. "So that you could hear this message, and know that He loves you, and He doesn't want to see you suffer like this."

"Not even God could love me. I've done so many things…"

He opened the book and read aloud from it, cutting me off. " 'You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.'"

He closed the book and looked long and hard at me. "He wants what's best for you, Alia. But you have to accept forgiveness first."

---------------------------------

After Andrew had gone back to bed, I still sat there, the light on, thinking about what he had said. Forgiveness. To be wiped completely clean, to have someone who loved you, no matter what your faults were… it seemed a complete fantasy.

Yet Andrew had assured me it was true.

Sighing, I fell back among the pillows. I still didn't understand. Maybe I never would. I closed my eyes then, and heaven sent me a great blessing… an uninterrupted night of sleep from that point on. The thoughts that troubled me faded away, and I sunk into peaceful oblivion.

---------------------------------

The next day, my last day with the Watsons, was uneventful for the most part. I was restless the entire day, and was glad that Stephie and Andrew had left the house. Instead of staying to help Carol, I went for a long, wandering walk about the grounds. Something was missing. Something was incomplete.

It hit me like a jolt- I couldn't stay here any more. I realized what had been bothering me for the past couple of days- Sam. I hadn't let myself think about him for an entire week, but after last night's episode, I was more willing to face my thoughts and fears.

After I had Leapt out, what had happened to him?

He had helped me so much, he had freed me from Lothos, and what had I done for him? Nothing. And now he was still out there, Leaping, while I had finally made it to a place I could call home.

It isn't right, was my first thought. And my second was- I have to do something.

As soon as I thought it, I knew it was true. I couldn't stay here any longer, or Lothos might catch up with me, find the Watsons… I couldn't let that happen. And I had to do something, anything, to help the man who had saved me.

And slowly, carefully, I came up with a plan. A plan that would hopefully eliminate the possibility of Lothos ever finding me, or the Watsons, and one that would help get Sam home once and for all. It all hinged on one thing, though.

I remembered that Sam had once mentioned that God had put us against each other. Was it possible- however remotely- that God controlled his Leaps? And if so, had He controlled the last two of mine, as well? It meant, as much as I didn't want to think about it, that God had rescued me from Lothos and Zoey- twice. And it also meant I wouldn't be able to carry out my plan without His help. And I wasn't sure He'd approve.

There was nothing I could do about that, though. I was determined to carry out this plan to the end, with or without God's help.

That night, I hugged my adopted 'family' tight before they went to bed. I couldn't tell them what I was planning, couldn't even give them a hint… but I wanted to say goodbye as best I could.

An hour after I was sure everyone was asleep, I stepped out of bed and crept quietly downstairs. As I reached the front door, I paused, and realized I couldn't leave without at least writing a note. So I turned back around, grabbed a piece of paper off the counter, and began to write.

_To Andrew, Carol, and Stephie-_

_Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. You cared for me when no one else could, and I will be eternally thankful for that. However, I realize that there is something else I have to take care of, something I have to do. And I'm determined to do it. Please don't worry about me, and thanks again… for everything. _

_-Alia_

I taped the note to the fridge, and slowly walked outside.

The moonlight spilled over everything, bathing everything in a soft, silver glow. I took a last glance back at the home I was so foolishly leaving behind. Then I bowed my head and closed my eyes, as I had seen the family do at the dinner table.

"God," I whispered, "If there is a God… and if You are the one who controls Sam's Leaps… I really need a favor. I know I've done nothing that makes me deserving of a favor, I've done things that are quite the opposite in fact… but I want to help Sam. I know, if You are the one controlling his Leaps, that it may be that You don't ever want him to come home… but I don't think that's quite fair. And I'm going to do every thing in my power to bring him home, even if it means hitch-hiking all the way to my destination and maybe dying in the process- so it would be easier if You just helped me and were done with it, okay?" The last part came out shaky; I wasn't quite sure how to phrase anything. I'd never prayed before, never thought I needed to- but I needed to now. And I was hoping… and praying… this would work... "Please…"

The almost familiar feeling came over me then- the blue light- and I Leaped.

---------------------------------------

My surroundings solidified. The table lay in front of me, as I knew it would. The weapons lay there, too, ready for tomorrow's patrol. Minus one stun gun, that is.

I wasn't sure if a stun gun was lethal or not. But I knew it delivered a pack of electricity, and I knew it was sufficient to scramble the electronics of Lothos' circuits. Gun in hand, I glanced up towards the ceiling.

"I'm going to kill him, You know. If you have any objections, You'd better not Leap me," I said, softly. I was taking a risk, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to lie. Not now.

So I was still faintly surprised when the energy surrounded me once more, and even more to feel hints of amusement from all around me.

_What is going on? _I wondered._ Is there something I don't know about?_

But it was too late to wonder. The light had vanished again, and I found myself back in the familiar cavern where I had Leaped for the first time. A pang of terror flowed through me.

_Have courage, Alia._

I took slow, faltering steps towards the corridor, glancing around and freezing when the security cameras focused on me. I was not stopped.

The corridor was lit with red light, same as the cavern. At the end of the hall waited Lothos. But that wasn't my destination, not yet.

I stopped at the third door on the right, and softly opened it. This was Zoey's room… or it had been Zoey's room, at least. The room was clean, with none of the usual clutter. Her things were gone. I looked around in confusion. Where was she?

Nervous, I stepped up to the computer consul, typed in a password, and looked up Zoey's name.

**Subject Terminated.**

I stepped away, shocked. Zoey was dead? How… I quickly typed in a query as to how she had died. I received a video transmission in response.

Watching the scene, I realized I recognized it. I saw _myself_ in the video, along with Sam, Zoey, and Thames…

"Run, Sam, save yourself!"

"No!"

"Come on, Zoey, its you or me!"

Zoey cocked the gun.

I threw Sam to the ground.

Zoey fired.

I Leaped.

I got to see what happened afterwards, then. I watched as Angel Leaped back in, and fell to the ground, shocked.

"Lothos has lost her," said Thames, shocked.

"That's impossible," Zoey snarled. "She Leaped!"

"She didn't Leap back! We lost her!"

She turned towards Sam, hatred in her eyes. "But we still have you!"

Sam looked up from Angel long enough to shoot Zoey with Vivian's rifle before she could fire. Zoey fell backwards, crying out, along with Thames.

He pounded at the hand-link frantically, crying, "Zoey's dying! Leap her out! _Leap her out!_"

Red light swirled across the image for a moment, then faded. I was now looking at a scene in the Accelerator.

I watched as Thames went crashing in to the room, but he was too late. The blood seeped through the white Fermi suit, and Zoey gurgled in her throat, and she was silent.

The image faded and went out.

I don't know which shocked me more- that Zoey was dead, or that Sam was her killer.

Part of me understood that he had acted in self-defense. If he had done nothing, he would have died. Angel and Vivian might have died. He had done the right thing. And yet…

At least now I knew why Lothos had been unable to find me. Zoey, his link to me, was gone.

I took a deep breath and left the room. There was nothing there for me now. One of my tormentors was dead; I only needed to find the other to be able to rest in peace.

The terror blasted though me again, and I halted my footsteps outside the door to Lothos' chambers. How could I even think of doing this?

I had to. I knew it, too. This was something that was long overdue.

I flung open the door, vaulted over the desk, and held my gun at arm's length by what used to be a man's head. I watched as all the cameras in the room pivoted towards me in shock.

"Don't move, Lothos," I ground out. "Don't call your guards, don't try anything. Before you could do anything to me, I'd have scrambled your circuits with an electric shock. So don't move."

The terrifying voice sounded out from all around me again, as it had so long ago.

**Alia.**

It wasn't a question, at least it didn't sound like one. But I answered anyway.

"Yes, it's me. Alia. The Evil Leaper. Whatever you want to call me. But I'm not going to be your Leaper anymore, Lothos. I'm not your slave anymore. You don't own me."

I felt an ache in my head, but it was no more than that. Reaching up to feel the back of my head, I realized what had happened. "You can't control me anymore, can you? You can't deliver pain to me any more!"

The machine hummed all around me but said nothing.

"It's because Zoey is dead, isn't it?" I insisted. "She was the key, wasn't she?"

**She taught you well.**

"I wish I'd never had anything to do with her!" I spat. "Or you!"

**Why have you come back, Alia? **

I took a deep breath, to steady myself. Stay calm, Alia. Focus. "Because I'd love to see you dead. But I'd love to see Sam home even more."

**I cannot bring him home. I have no power over him.**

"Of course not. I don't want you to."

**Then what do you wish to gain from this futile endeavor?**

"I want the retrieval program, Lothos. You perfected it. I want it now. Or you die."

**You will kill me anyway.**

"If you do not cooperate, it is a sure death. If you cooperate, you stand the chance of being freed."

The computer considered that for a moment. Unless another 'random event' occurred, even I knew what the odds were like for him.

**I will make a disk for their 'Ziggy' to download.**

I laughed harshly. "Do you think I'm a fool? You would only infect it with a virus! No. I want it printed out, and on paper, so their scientists can analyze it for any bugs before programming it."

**It is a long and complicated program. It would take an hour to print the entire program out, and then the stack would be a foot thick.**

"I've got the time. Start printing."

**You speak boldly. But will you be able to keep yourself in position for so long?**

"Only time will tell."

That hour was the longest of my life. I never realized how standing in one position for an hour could kill your muscles. Now, I knew.

The paper continued piling up on the desk beside me, until it was a foot tall and taller. Finally, the last paper had been finished.

**It is complete. **

The computer sounded almost tired. I shoved the thought away.

"Do you know how much I hate you?" I demanded. "Do you really know how much pain you have caused me?"

**Of course. That is all you are. Hate and pain.**

Seething, I yelled, "That's not true!"

**Anger and fear as well. You have no redeeming qualities, Alia. None that they would accept. They will never let you live, even if you bring them their precious retrieval program. You tried to kill their leader.**

"No!"

**Look inside yourself, Alia. You know that it's true.**

_"No!_ I…" But as I looked, I saw he was telling the truth. There was only anger and pain, fear and hate inside me. I couldn't stop it from overwhelming me, I couldn't…

I hated him. I hated him for torturing me, for making me face my true self, for making me the person I was today. I hated him!

I began to pull the trigger on the gun.

And stopped.

I took a long, shuddering breath to calm myself.

"What happened to you?" I asked, softly. "Why are you doing this?"

**Power, Alia. It's all about power. You've felt it before; you feel it now that you hold my life in your hands. It is that power I crave.**

_You have the power, Alia! You can choose not to kill me!_

"You were a man, once. What happened to you? Why are you like this?"

**I was a scientist of great renown, once. That is all you need to know.**

"No, it isn't! What happened?"

**An accident. **

"What accident?"

The machinery whirred, hummed, considering.

**I had been developing life support machinery. During that time, I was involved in a car accident. My body was barely alive. They tested my own equipment on me, and I lived…but I could never leave the machine. There was no power in my body anymore.**

The thin lips spread out in a grim parody of a smile.

**But physical power is not the only power. The human mind is a wonderful thing, Alia- combined with artificial intelligence, there is nothing it cannot do. I am the most mentally powerful being in the world.**

"And that wasn't even enough for you. You had to mess with time, too, destroying other people's lives because your own was destroyed!"

The machine did not answer.

I waited, trembling.

**Are you going to kill me now?**

I took a deep breath. Anger, fear, hatred- was that all there was of me? Was that all I was? That was all I was feeling right now. All I wanted to do was kill Lothos, then my life would be complete. I would be able to die knowing he was gone from the world. I would no longer have to be afraid.

But something stopped me. A flashback, of when I had turned a gun on the wrong person…. _"If I kill you, I can go home…"_

_"No!" Sam shook his head vehemently. "No, not that way. Killing me will only add to his power or her power…whatever power…**you** have the power Alia. You can choose not to kill me!"_

I…could choose… 

And now I had another choice. I had made the right choice last time. Did I have the strength to do it again? What was right and what was wrong, anyway?

"There's got to be an end…" I whispered, echoing words I had said long ago, in another lifetime.

_And when it ends, what kind of a person do you want to be?_

I didn't want any more blood on my hands. Not even Lothos'.

I held the gun out at arm's length, and walked slowly around to the back of the chair that projected from the giant computer. A long, thick bundle of wires ran from the chair to the computer. I glanced over at the machine, then grabbed the bundle of wires and ripped them from the wall. The man in the chair jerked, disconnected from the computer, but still living, thanks to the life-support.

"I'm not going to kill you, Lothos," I said softly, pointing the gun at the wall and pressing the trigger. Lines of electricity snaked up and down the machinery, grinding, shrieking, and died. The lights burnt out and all was still. "But I won't let you harm another again."

I stepped away from the giant, burned out computer, set down my gun, and picked up my bundle of papers. "I can't continue hating forever," I murmured. As I took another step backwards, the blue surrounded me once more, and I Leaped.


	21. Chapter 21 Project Quantum Leap

A/N- The countdown begins. After this chapter, there are two left to go before the end of the story. Just to give you all a little warning, you know. Enjoy!

Korean Pearl- Thank you! Actually, in the first draft of this story, Alia did kill Lothos… but I decided I didn't like that ending, not after she'd just been told about forgiveness. So I changed it, and I think it turned out better for that. Glad you thought so!

TesubCalle- Thanks! As for Sam, and the canon that he never gets home… I'm one of those fans who refuses to believe that his future is set in stone. This is a time-travel story, anything can happen. To me, saying Sam never came home is like saying Tom died in Vietnam, or that Beth had Al declared dead and then remarried. Both these events happened. And then Sam changed it. Who's to say Alia doesn't have some wrongs to put right as well? Drat, you got me ranting. Anyway, whether Alia succeeds or fails remains to be seen…

PippinDuck- I hope this chapter fulfills your expectations… :grins:

Deranged Lunatic- Wow, I'm glad it had such an effect on you! At least I know I'm doing my job! Thanks!

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Chapter 21- Project Quantum Leap

_"The intent here is to gain a clearer perception of humanity- where we've been, where we're going, the pitfalls and the possibilities, the perils and the promise. Perhaps even an answer to that universal question: Why?"_

–From the film Back to the Future

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The world shimmered, and faded away. I had left Lothos behind, and I hadn't killed him. I would have breathed deeply had I had a body, but as it happened, I couldn't feel anything at the moment. So I just tried to recover in my mind, instead.

I had done what I had wanted, without being consumed by my fear, my anger, my hatred…

_Thank you, _I whispered. _Thank you, God. I, I guess there is a better way than death of settling things. But there is one more place I need to go, one thing I really need to do…_

The light faded, and I returned to my body. I heard a gasp behind me, and whirled round to see a lady with bright red hair and blinking earrings staring open-mouthed at me. At first I thought it was somehow Zoey, but a second look told me the two were radically different. The woman was standing behind a large desk made of… Legos?

She reached forward and pressed a panel on the desk, shouting, "Intruder alert! Code red!"

"No, wait, I…" But the woman was already rushing for the futuristic door at the side of the room. I looked around frantically, but barely got to see anything before the lighting in the room grew so bright I couldn't see. It blinded me and I fell to the floor, gasping.

I blinked as I heard the door open once again, and a man shouted, "Put your hands up!"

I stood and did as requested; searching for the source of the voice, but my eyes still didn't work. I decided to say nothing and hope they wouldn't shoot first, ask questions later.

The voice sounded vaguely familiar, but it wasn't Sam's… who could this be?

"Ziggy, has she got any weapons on her?" Ziggy! So I had Leapt to the right place. I just hoped it was the right time.

"No, Admiral. The intruder is unarmed," a female voice said, somehow coming from all directions at once.

I heard footsteps coming closer, then a gasp. "It's her!"

"Who?" This from a voice who hadn't spoken before.

"It's her! Alia! The Evil Leaper!" That confused me, who at Sam's project would recognize me? Except… Sam's hologram… Al? It struck me as ironic that upon finally meeting him in person, I still couldn't see him.

"I could have told you that, Admiral," The computer sniffed, or rather, made a sound that could have passed for a sniff. "Her brain patterns match those of the second Leaper Dr. Beckett encountered, a woman who identified herself only as Alia. The energy residual surrounding the subject suggests that she Leaped here."

I wondered if I could put my arms down now, or if they were pointing a gun at me. It was very frustrating to be blind.

"How did she do that?" Al demanded. "Where did she come from?"

I wasn't sure if he expected me, or the computer, to answer, and decided to say nothing.

"What is going on in here?" Demanded another voice- a woman's. I blinked heavily and my vision began to clear. Slowly the image of an African-American woman walking steadily toward me materialized. When she saw me standing there, stunned, she hurried forward. "Oh, honey, are you all right?" She turned to look at the rest of the group, people whose faces I couldn't see clearly yet. "How did Angel get here?"

The question must have been directed at Al, since nobody else seemed to have a clue what was going on. But he said nothing, so I answered for him.

"I'm not Angel."

The woman stared at me in confusion that slowly melted into understanding. She nodded slowly. "So you are Alia."

"Yes."

Everyone was quiet for a moment, then the woman with her hands on my shoulders said softly, "How did you get here, honey?"

"I Leaped."

"As herself?" Al blurted, not believing me.

Ziggy's voice wafted through the room. "It is possible, Admiral. You will remember that Dr. Beckett Leaped as himself during your last contact." Al stiffened at that, and turned away, just making me more confused.

Now that my vision was clearing, I was free to study Al more closely. He appeared to be older than Sam… and, in my opinion, had seen harder living than Sam ever had. And the look in his eyes told me that he was seeing some hard things again. Despite the bright clothing he wore, there was no cheer in this man. Not at this point in time, at any rate.

What, I wondered, had caused him to act in this manner? Surely it couldn't just have been my reappearance… could it? When he noticed me staring, I dropped my gaze quickly. This was someone who I did not want to antagonize.

After another moment of silence, the woman said, "Well, now. Maybe we should go somewhere more comfortable, hmm? This… this sounds like a story that could take awhile." She began to propel me towards the door.

"You can't take her into the Project, Verbeena," Al said.

Verbeena laughed quietly. "How much further into the Project could she get, Al?"

"He doesn't trust me," I said quietly. He had good reason not to.

"Listen, if you're worried about her escaping, you can put it out of your mind. She's not going to get far in this maze of corridors, crawling with guards."

"She Leapt in here," Al argued. "She could somehow Leap out, crazy as that sounds."

"If she were going to do that, it would have happened already," Verbeena pointed out. "I don't think she wants to 'escape'. She has something she wants to tell us, and I think, as a courtesy, we'd better hear it."

Al seemed like he wanted to protest again, thought better of it, and headed out behind the rest of us. I glanced around, not exactly sure who the 'rest of us' were. There was Verbeena, of course, who had recognized me but thought I was Angel… was it possible she had seen Angel in my aura, here, during the last Leap? That would explain things a little bit. There was the woman I had surprised in my Leap-in, dressed in a revealing skirt and blouse, with the blinking earrings. She reminded me of several airheads I had known in high school. What was a person like this doing at a top-secret government Project? And there was a short man who seemed very nervous about the whole situation; he kept glancing at me anxiously and chewing on his moustache. When he got too near me, I caught a whiff of his breath and hurriedly moved away, wrinkling my nose. I'm not quite sure what I had expected to find at Sam's Project, but it wasn't this group of people.

Verbeena, whoever she was, was right that I would soon become lost in the corridors of the project. We made so many twists and turns I doubted I could find my way back to the last hallway we had walked down, much less the Control Room. Finally we reached a door, where Blinking-Ears pressed her hand against a panel beside the door. It opened with a whoosh. Inside was a not-so spotless conference room, not the pristine, futuristic place I had expected. Papers and binders were strewn about on a wooden table; calculations that were meaningless to me were scribbled on a whiteboard on one wall. The chairs were even old, it seemed. I stared around the room in surprise. This was not what I had expected.

Verbeena must have seen my startled expression, because she said, "Budget cuts." She brushed away spare papers, and everyone took a seat. Then suddenly they were all looking expectantly at me.

Nervously I glanced around the table. I had to put this right… "I know most of you are probably wondering why I'm here," I started out, quavering slightly. "I… well… Al doesn't trust me, and he has a good reason to." I swallowed nervously, hoping my feelings weren't showing. "I tried to kill his friend, Sam Beckett, more than once. And, more than once, Sam tried to save me. The third time we met, he succeeded in bringing me with him on a Leap, which is how I assume you recognized me," I said to Verbeena. She nodded, and I continued. "I'm… I'm very grateful to Sam, so since returning to my own time I've been working on something… Lothos, as Al has heard, is the artificial intelligence unit that… controlled… my Leaps. I returned to him, and threatened to kill him, unless he did something for me. So I got this for you." I knew I was babbling, but it didn't matter much anymore. Just so long as they got it.

Al frowned. "What is it?"

"The Retrieval Program."

Blinking-Ears and Bad-breath glanced at each other, then scrambled for the pile of papers I had carried all the way here. They began flipping through them frantically. It was obvious they weren't listening to me anymore.

I could tell that Al was not convinced, however. "You've left a lot of the story out, I noticed. Like how you became involved with this 'Lothos' in the first place, and why you tried to kill Sam. Or are you going to fall back on the Swiss-Cheesed excuse again?" He asked sarcastically.

With some difficulty, I looked him straight in the eye. "My memory is perfectly clear now… Al." I paused. "Much too clear. But if you really want the full version…" I took a shuddering breath and began.

It took awhile to tell the full story. At least, that's what it seemed like to me. As I talked, it seemed like the past repeated itself again. Once more Zoey found me, once more Lothos tortured me, once more Sam saved me. I must have cried at some point during the tale because when I finally finished I realized my face was wet, and the others, even the computer-absorbed people, where all looking at me, with expressions of shock and pity. Except for Al, who was staring grimly into space, his expression unreadable.

When I was finished, the woman at the other end of the table stood up, glancing at me nervously. "I'm sorry about, like, everything and all. And we really appreciate what you've tried to do." She stole a glance at Al, who still had not shown any emotion. "But, even if this really is a viable Retrieval Program, which by all appearances it seems to be, it, like, wouldn't do us any good." She paused, then said softly, "We've lost Dr. Beckett."

My world, which hadn't been very stable beforehand, crumbled. "What?"

"We lost him. He Leaped, as himself, for one last time, and we, like, looked forever, and finally found him. But we lost contact. We can't, like, get a lock on him. And if we don't have a lock, we can't retrieve him."

My anger flared, along with despair. This couldn't be happening. "Well, find him! Do something! You're the smart, scientific people, you're supposed to be able to do something!" _He's supposed to know everything!_

"You think we haven't?" Al's emotional wall broke down then, and he turned on my furiously. "We've tried everything they threw at us! Every possible theory! We worked ourselves to the bone trying to find him, but it's no use. We can't find a trace of him. Nada! There's nothing else we _can_ do!"

I took a deep breath, urging myself to be calm. It wasn't really their fault Sam had disappeared, was it? They must have been trying like hell to get him back for the past few weeks or days, and had to feel discouraged that nothing had happened. I resigned myself to the fact that this simply wasn't the right time. _Okay, all I have to do is go back a few weeks, back when they still have him…_

Suddenly, the room faded. I felt time slide by me. It wasn't like a Leap, where time is flowing and I'm standing still, but as if I was falling down a slide backwards. I began to panic. It was too far! I wasn't going back just days or weeks, but months, years…

_God…_

**_Peace, Alia. _**

_What's… what's happening?_

**_Something that once went wrong is being put right._**

And just before the timeline and my memory of it faded, a last fleeting thought entered my mind. _Sam…_


	22. Chapter 22 Righting the Wrongs

A/N- Honestly, I think this chapter is my favorite chapter in the entire story, and am anxiously awaiting your thoughts on it. Please review!

PippinDuck- Thanks! I really hope you like this chapter, and I'm glad you liked the paragraph about Al! Sorry there wasn't much more of him in the story. This was mainly because Alia doesn't interact with him that much, and because I don't think I can write Al very well. I think more like Sam does, most of the time. :-)

Deranged Lunatic- No, I won't be going into the next movie/series. The next chapter of this story will be the last. I'm not including the new movie/series for many reasons. First, because it hasn't come out yet, so I don't know what happens in it. Second, because I really doubt that a remake will make it very far, no matter how much I'd like it to. And third, because this story will sort of serve as an alternative to a new movie/series: it fits with the old one, but I don't think anyone is considering going in this direction with the new one. Thanks for reviewing!

Korean Pearl- Um, you really thought that line was beautiful? I think you might have highlighted the wrong lines, or something… go check that review again. :grins: And I'm not quite sure what you mean by continue. I don't think I'm going to continue with Alia, if that's what you mean. But I will still be writing fanfiction, although none of my works are even near being finished at this time.

TesubCalle- Well, actually it isn't Alia that's setting something right… read on, and you'll see what I mean.

PS- Please excuse this author's lack of knowledge on how one goes about signing up for a top-secret project… as I've never had the opportunity to join one, I had to use my imagination with that part.

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Chapter 22- Righting the Wrongs

_I've heard it said_

_That people come into our lives_

_For a reason, bringing something we must learn_

_And we are led to those who help us most to grow_

_If we let them, and we help them in return_

_Well, I don't know if I believe that's true,_

_But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you…_

-For Good, from the musical Wicked.

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The jolt of my body hitting the floor awoke me, synchronizing with the beeping of my alarm clock. Dizzily, I sat up, grabbing on to the side of the bed. _I must have had one heck of a dream to throw me out of bed like that._

Frowning, I stood up. I couldn't remember much of my dream, but a part of it seemed to be a nightmare… that must have been what caused me to fall out of bed.

Time-travel had been a part of the dream, I remembered.

Then I understood. I was nervous. And who wouldn't be, on the morning of a job interview that might very well change the course of your life? I laughed nervously, trying to release some of my tension, but it didn't work. Would they accept me, or was this just another hopeless dream of mine? Maybe a warm shower would help.

It didn't, and neither did fixing my favorite breakfast. The clichéd 'butterflies in your stomach' seemed to have resided in mine, and nothing tasted good.

Glancing at the clock, I realized I only had a few minutes to spare. The drive was a long one, and I didn't want to be late for this interview. Renee had warned me that all positions on this Project could have been filled by now, but I could still hope- and getting to the office building early might give me a positive edge.

I went back into my bedroom to grab my coat, and when I turned around, I glimpsed a flash of blue coming from the front room. Had I accidentally turned the TV on, or had one of the light bulbs gone out? I didn't think either of those situations could cause as bright a flash as I had seen, though. Cautiously, I walked towards the front room.

And found a stranger in it.

The man was dressed in a white polo shirt and brown slacks. He looked like the everyday sort of guy you see on the streets, and I wouldn't have been afraid of him- had I not found him in my locked apartment. He had light brown hair that was beginning to gray near the left temple, and the most confused expression I had ever seen on his face.

Then he noticed me, and a shock of surprise seemed to sweep over him. "Alia?"

Unfreezing from my shock, I reached for the nearest weapon I could find- a thick book. Belatedly, I realized it wasn't as thick as I would have liked, and wouldn't ward off an intruder for very long. I had never been interested in flowers, and hadn't kept any around the house, but a vase might have come in very handy right about now.

I held the book in front of me, trying to look menacing, but barely managed to squeak out, "Who are you?" Did I… was it possible I had a stalker?

He frowned in confusion. "Alia, it's me! It's Sam…" He trailed off as he realized I had no idea what he was talking about.

"What are you doing in my apartment? And, more importantly, how did you get in?"

"I'm, uh, I'm here to help you… I think."

"You think?"

He glanced helplessly at the ceiling, then back at me. "Look, this… this isn't what it looks like."

"Then what is it?" I took a step closer, feeling a bit braver, and he backed off.

"Could you just put the book down, and we could talk about this?"

"Not until you tell me why you're here."

He seemed about to laugh at that, but I saw nothing funny about the situation. He changed his mind and held his hands up. "I told you, I'm here to help you."

He said it with such conviction that I lowered my book slightly. "Help me do what?"

"I, um, I'm not sure. But honestly, I'm not going to hurt you."

Strangely, I believed him. He had an honest look about him, and I felt I could trust him. Slowly, I replaced my book on the table I had grabbed it from.

"Okay."

He looked taken aback, as if he hadn't expected it to be that easy. Then, cautiously, he said, "Okay, uh, what year is it?"

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Who put you up to this? Was it Renee? Or… or are you really a stalker?"

"What?" He didn't seem to understand how we had gotten from the year to stalkers.

"It was Renee, wasn't it? She's the only one who knows how much I like time-travel stories. And because of that job interview I have today, she thought I'd buy it… nice try."

"What makes you think I'm a time-traveler?" He asked nervously.

"I don't think you are. I think this is a very elaborate prank."

He seemed relieved at that. "Ah, well…" Then he frowned. "What did you say about a job interview?"

"Um…" I hadn't meant to say so much. I shouldn't have, really. The only reason I was even getting interviewed at all was because Renee had been involved with the Project. If she hadn't been, I wouldn't even have known about it. And I couldn't just tell a stranger who appeared in my house about a secret government experiment. "It's nothing. Nothing at all, really…"

"No, tell me," he said, intensely.

I wavered for a moment. I really shouldn't say anything, but something told me to trust him. I passed him the form I was to turn in when I arrived at the office building that day, unsure if I was doing the right thing.

He skimmed it briefly, then his eyes widened. He glanced up at me in amazement. "You… you tried to get on my Project?" I stared at him, confused, and he hastily corrected himself. "I mean, uh, I recognize this identification number. They're working on time-travel, aren't they?"

Uneasy, I asked, "How did you know that?"

"I, uh, work with the government a bit."

I wasn't quite convinced that was the whole truth, but I let it be. "Well, yes, actually. You're right. I… I've loved the concept of time travel ever since I was a little girl. I thought… being there, when… if… they ever perfect it, would be something to be proud of. It would be my dream." I smiled a small smile. "Even if I'm just given a small job, like a secretary, or even a janitor, it would still be pretty amazing."

"Yeah, it would be," he said. Then, more intensely, "But how did you know about this… project?"

"I have a friend. Renee. She's really smart, and somehow she got a job with these people. She knows I've always dreamed of time-travel, so she pulled a few strings and got me an interview."

He frowned, concentrating. "Alia, does the name Lothos mean anything to you?"

"Lothos?" I tried the word out on my tongue, but it was unfamiliar.

"Or Zoey?"

"No," I said with conviction. "I've never known anyone named Zoey, and certainly no one named Lothos. Why?"

"Nothing. Just… it's nothing."

"Okay…" I glanced uneasily at my watch. "Look, whoever you are, this interview is really important to me. I really have to get going. If you won't admit this is a prank, fine, but I'm not staying here." I looked at him levelly. "And neither are you."

He seemed to make up his mind then. "I'll go with you."

That was not quite the answer I had been hoping for. "I… really, I just met you this morning. I can't…" I began to walk out the door, not even trying to finish my sentence.

"What if I told you I could get you this job, for certain?"

I stopped. Turned around slowly. "What do you mean?"

"I have a little more pull than your friend Renee probably has. I know for certain they've filled out the positions for this Project already, and if you go there now, you'll never get in." He gazed at me intensely. "But if I asked them to, they'd probably be willing to let one more person on staff."

I began to tremble. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I think… I think this is what I've been sent here to do." He smiled half-heartedly. "And my gut instinct is rarely wrong."

Was he telling the truth? I didn't even know him, and yet… he seemed familiar. A flash, and I recognized him. He'd been in my dream last night. He'd protected me from someone, something bad.

_You can trust him._

"Okay," I said finally. "I don't know why I'm doing this, but… okay. It's a two hour drive, though," I added.

The half-hearted smile grew into a full-grown grin. "I don't mind," he said as we exited the apartment.

When we reached the car, I stopped. "Hey, uh, what did you say your name was? You already seemed to know mine."

"I'm Sam. Sam…" He paused, reconsidering. "Well, just Sam."

"Okay, Just Sam. Pleased to meet you."

He insisted on driving, and I was still too nervous to disagree. Halfway there, I realized I hadn't even given him directions to the building, but he was going the right way anyway. And I began to wonder…

At first I'd thought it was just a trick played on me by Renee, but she hadn't appeared, and I remembered- she was in New Mexico by now, already working on the Project. Was he a guardian angel? He'd appeared in my apartment in a flash of blue light, said he was there to help me, and he seemed to know about me… Samuel was even a Biblical name.

I had turned the radio up at the beginning of the trip so that we wouldn't have to talk, I'd had no idea what to say, but now I turned it down again. Sam glanced at me.

"What, don't like that song?"

"No, it's just that… no." I took a breath. "Who are you?"

"I told you already. I'm Sam."

"No, I mean…" _Just say it, Alia. _"Are you an angel?"

He chuckled softly to himself. "Angel Sam and Angel Al."

"What?"

"Nothing, just something I heard from someone. But no, I'm not an angel."

"Then what are you?"

"A friend."

He wasn't willing to talk more on the topic, it seemed, so I switched tactics. "So do you believe its possible?"

"What's possible?"

"What they're working on. Time-travel."

He glanced out the window for a long time before answering. "Yes. It's possible. Did you ever hear of the String Theory?"

"No," I said, suddenly interested. "What's that?"

"They're using it to explain time-travel. Say your life is like a string. One end is your birth, the other, your death. If you tie the ends together, your life is a loop. Then you can ball the loop, and the days and years of your life touch each other, but out of sequence. So you can Leap from one part of your life to the other."

I thought about that. "What about farther back? To before you were born?"

"Theoretically, its impossible."

"Too bad. I guess we'll never get to see the dinosaurs."

He laughed. "It seems pretty unlikely." He paused. "Why did you want to travel in time, Alia? What makes this so important for you?"

Now it was my turn to look outside the window. "I… I don't know. I guess it's always been an obsession for me. There's really nothing my past I want to visit anyway…" I laughed mirthlessly. "If I could change the past, I'd probably change things so that my parents split up sooner. Seeing as I wouldn't be able to change who my parents actually were, anyway."

Sam glanced at me, concerned. "Why would you want your parents to split up earlier?"

"So I wouldn't have to grow up with my dad. He was an alcoholic, and… well, you get the picture," I said, not wanting to talk about it more.

"What happened?" He persisted, and I sighed.

"It's not like he hit me. He just… he told me I'd never be important, I sure wasn't important to him." A lump rose in my throat, and for a minute I forgot I was talking to a stranger.

Sam thought about that for a while. "So you decided to join something important to prove to yourself, and your father, that you really were important."

"No!" I said, a little too hastily. "It's just… no. I'm interested in the topic, that's all. That's all." I could see he wasn't convinced, but he let the subject drop. I turned up the radio again, and there was no more conversation for the duration of the car trip.

We pulled into the city finally, drove into a parking garage, and stepped out of the car. Sam hurried to open my door for me.

"Thanks," I said, a little too shyly.

The interview was scheduled to take place on the seventh floor of the office building, so up we went. Then we spent fifteen minutes just sitting around, waiting for someone to see us. I guessed that getting there early didn't matter after all.

Finally we were admitted into an office. A man in an important-looking suit and tie continued to fill out papers while speaking in a monotone voice, not looking up at us. "Miss Heaton, I regret to inform you that all positions for this Project have been filled. Since you have already signed the legal forms necessary for you to even know about this Project, and have agreed to keep the information secret, there is nothing more for us to do here. Remember, if you take your story to the media, you can and will be arrested. Thank you for your time today."

I glanced at Sam desperately. Now what?

He leaned forward, placing his hands on the desk, forcing the man to look up. The man's expression started out as annoyed, then melted into awe as he looked at Sam. I was confused.

"She's a last minute addition to the Project," Sam said smoothly. "We couldn't contact her on time for the original applications, but now that she's here I figured we could get this all cleared up."

The man looked very startled. "I'm… I'm sorry, Dr. Beckett, I had no idea about this… is she a personal friend of yours?"

It took all the acting skill I had acquired not to drop my jaw and just stare at him for about a year. Renee had told me who she was going to be working with, and I'd seen his picture about a million times on the cover of science magazines… but I hadn't even recognized him. I kept my face blank, thankfully.

"Yes," he answered

The man glanced at me a bit skeptically. "What position is she going to fill, sir?"

"She's going to be my secretary."

"You never asked for a secretary."

"Well, I am now. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"No, Doctor. Nothing at all. There are just some forms you will need to fill out… and we'll have to make arrangements for her to move to the Project…"

It was all so easy. I couldn't believe it. We filled out about a mile of paperwork that afternoon, but it was worth it. It was definitely worth it.

By the end of the afternoon, they had looked up my records, saw that I was an upstanding citizen so far, and booked me a flight for New Mexico. It was going to be in the next two days, but for some reason Sam went white at that and insisted on delaying the flight for a week. I had no idea why, but I guess because he was a genius they humored him. Finally, it was done.

As we walked outside the building, I turned to him. I was about to ask where he came from, why he wanted me for his Project, and why the heck didn't he tell me he was the Project Director in the first place? But there wasn't any time. He was looking behind me at someone, and I turned around.

There was a woman in a business suit there. She had short red hair and more make-up than was prudent, but there was nothing outstanding about her. Yet Sam was staring at her as if she were a tiger waiting to pounce.

As we passed her, he put his arm around me protectively. The woman gave us a strange look as we passed, but then ignored us and went about her business. Sam hurried me away.

"What was that for?" I whispered, shrugging myself out from under his arm.

"Nothing," he said, looking embarrassed. "It was nothing. Just a feeling."

I glanced back at the lady. Looking again, I thought that maybe he was right… there was something in her eyes, they way she searched the crowd… maybe it was good we'd avoided her.

We reached the parking garage finally, and stood next to the car. Before I could open it, Sam said, "Well, I guess this is it."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"It's time for me to go."

"But… you just got here." I couldn't explain the feeling I was getting, that if he left, I'd never see him again…

"I know. I never stay in one place long." He smiled, but it was a tired smile. "I did what I was supposed to do. I helped you achieve your dream."

"But there's just so many things that I need to ask you…"

He laughed, then, and said, "And with luck, you'll be able to ask them. But not now." Bending down slightly, he kissed me lightly on the forehead and turned away.

"Sam…" I called helplessly as he walked slowly down the line of cars, towards the edge of light. Then a flash of blue light enveloped him, and electricity seemed to course through his body, and Sam vanished.

---------------------------------------

"_What's going on here, Al? Huh? What's going on?"_

"_I don't know, somehow we've lost two days!"_

"_What, are you telling me that none of this ever happened?"_

"_No, I'm not, Ziggy is telling the both of us."_

"_Where's Alia?"_

"_She's…she's gone."_

"_She's not gone, Al. Alia is not gone." –From 'Deliver Us From Evil', Sam and Al._


	23. Epilogue

A/N- Final chapter, everyone.

PippinDuck- Thank you! I suppose I had it echo the scene from Mirror Image because that's what I imagined he was doing after the Project lost contact with him. And I'm glad you liked the scene with Zoey!

Korean Pearl- Oh, okay. Thanks! This chapter should answer most of your questions, including how time has and hasn't changed, and who remembers what. The last few quotes are from the show, which is probably why you are confused. See, right after Alia Leaped out of Connie, Sam also Leaped. He went back two days in Jimmy's life, and nothing had changed. Alia hadn't ruined the family's life. According to Ziggy, she'd never been there in the first place. The entire confrontation never took place. That last chapter explains _why_ it didn't take place- Sam stopped her from meeting Zoey. Hopefully this chapter will clear it up… if it doesn't, e-mail me and I'll try to explain.

Derganged Lunatic- Well, okay… at least it was self-explanatory then. As for your question, "_I wonder who Zoey got for the Evil Leaper, then…" _That's a really good question- one that will probably never be answered. I have some ideas about it, but I don't think I can mold them into another fic, so we'll probably never find out. Thanks for asking, though!

TesubCalle- Well, that wasn't the end of the story- this chapter is. After this, there probably won't be anymore. I have only vague ideas about what happens after this chapter… too vague to put into a fanfic. But I'm glad you enjoyed this one!

------------------------------

Epilogue

_Something has changed within me_

_Something is not the same._

_I'm through with playing by_

_The rules of someone else's game._

_Too late for second guessing,_

_Too late to go back to sleep._

_It's time to trust my instincts,_

_Close my eyes, and Leap…_

-Defying Gravity from Wicked.

---------------------------

I can't believe I'm doing this. Again. It got me into the most horrible hell imaginable in another timeline, and yet I have the feeling that it won't. Not this time. Not to this Alia.

I remember, now. I remember everything. Ever since that month long vacation in Hawaii, when the dreams grew too vivid to block out, ever since then I have remembered.

Everyone at the Project was shocked. How could two timelines exist simultaneously? Even though time had been changed, and I was on the Project staff, Sam still Leaped in Jimmy a second time, and met my other self. Both timelines touched. And now they've merged. It violates the laws of physics, they say. But didn't God create physics?

I remember the horror and pain of five years, alone, with only Zoey to count on. I remember the torture, the murder, the anguish, and the salvation. But I also remember another story.

A story in which I found somewhere I belonged, and something I loved to do. A story in which I made many friends for one of the first times in my life, and I no longer had to rely on just Renee for help or reassurance. I could turn to Verbeena, or Donna, or, most of the time, to Sammy Jo.

Sammy. She's been there for me the entire time, especially after the Project laid off several staff members, and Renee had to leave. She was there for me when the paperwork was overwhelming, when the food was terrible, when I got tired of working every single day. She was there for me when I regained my memories.

And she's here with me now.

The door is locked, and over-ridden by Sammy's passcode. Sammy is standing at the Control panel, making last minute checks on the system. As for me, I'm dressed in white and standing in a reflective chamber.

Ziggy isn't attempting to over-ride what we're trying to do. In fact, she agrees with the entire plan. Of course, she'd agree to almost anything by now to get her 'father' back. She's felt nearly useless since Sam disappeared, and it's an insult to her ego to have nothing truly important to do.

Ziggy was the one who authorized the neural chips to be ordered. Using special equipment, neural tissues from the both of us have been taken, and a copy of our brainwaves has also been made. Ziggy has analyzed them and added them to her 'library'.

Sammy and I are linked.

I can hear the chamber firing up, and Sammy's voice saying, "Stand-by to fire…"

I'm no longer afraid. Sam saved my life, once upon a timeline ago. I'm not just going to sit by while he's lost in time. I'm going to try and find him… and maybe do some good in the process.

Besides, I know now that whatever happens, even if I lose contact with the Project forever, I won't be alone. And that's the best feeling in the entire world.

"_Fire!"_

I close my eyes, and Leap…

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A/N- Well, we're done. That's 23 chapters folks, my longest fanfic yet, and (in my opinion) the best I've done yet. I have a lot of thank-you's to hand out now, so bear with me…

I'd like to take the time now to thank all the people whose movies, books, and songs I've borrowed from for the beginning quotes… Avril Lavigne, Evanescence, Casting Crowns, Sarah Mclachan, Alfred Bester, Jane Louise Curry, John Darnton, the movies Back to the Future and Mulan, and the musical Wicked. And let's not forget Melanie Rawn, author of the wonderful Knights of the Morningstar, the first novel that ever included Alia's perspective (and my first exposure to the world of Quantum Leap- after reading that book, I wanted to see the show. Thanks Melanie!) And of course many thanks to Don Belisario and Belisarius Productions, without which there would have been no Quantum Leap. Credit must also go to the wonderful actors who brought the world of Quantum Leap alive for us- Renee Coleman (Alia), Carolyn Seymour (Zoey), Scott Bakula (Sam Beckett), Dean Stockwell (Al Calavicci), and Hinton Battle (Thames).

Final thanks goes to the reviewers, PippinDuck, Korean Pearl, TesubCalle, and Deranged Lunatic: For being faithful reviewers, and for putting this story on your favorites list, and for critiquing me when necessary… I know I've said it a million times, but… Thanks!

Finally, I'd like to address the issue of a sequel, which I suppose might come up- I highly doubt there will be one. I'd rather leave it up to you, the readers, to decide if Alia ever finds Sam, if they return home, and so on. See you later!

"_Your future hasn't been written yet! No one's has. Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one, both of you!" _– From the film Back to the Future


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